A month after losing Craig

Well, really sad, that's what it's like. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday, and I was really sad the whole day.

Regular life has continued. Meals, chores, schoolwork. Thanksgiving was a blessing, as usual, with family and cooking and eating. I feel scattered and unable to focus many days. I think it has to do with the loss of that false sense of security that we have around us telling us we are all okay and safe. It isn't that I don't feel safe; it's just that I feel no guarantee that myself or anyone I love will live throughout the day every single day. Nice, right?

I have a strong testimony in the resurrection and restoration of our family, and that is so comforting. I don't doubt it, not for a second. God lives. Christ lives. We will all live again. This life is not the end of our existence or our relationships. The church is true.

I am usually struggling this time of year due to the hectic rush of the season, anyway, so I guess that isn't new. I feel behind in all preparation and planning for school, for Christmas, for everything. I keep telling myself it isn't a big deal, and since I really believe that, I can usually set the feeling on the back burner and leave it for awhile. But it creeps back up on me, the creepy creeper.

I often can't think what to do with my time. That has been since the beginning of the school year when I had no kids at home and no preschool to teach. I like having the time available to spend with Jess and family or just work on my personal challenges, but I wonder what "real" people do with their time. PS - don't say cleaning, because I'm not interested.

I also can't think what to eat, ever. All food seems like a booby trap. Isn't that weird? Well, I'm drinking Coke again (Gabe said, 'Finally!" when he found out, that stinker), and that only hurts my appetite, but even before it was difficult to pick food. Weird, I know.

The dishwasher is broken. The kitchen is a sty.

The foundation is broken. It will be repaired in a month.

The car is broken. I'm pretending it isn't and carrying on.

I miss Craig. I am mind-boggled that he is dead. Mind-boggled.

Families Are Forever. And Ever and Ever and Ever.

I made this for my sister-in-law Jessica Ruggles. Her husband, Andy's dear brother, my sweet brother-in-law Craig passed away suddenly on Sunday, November 3rd. Since there isn't a language invented yet to express the agony and fear, the sorrow and regret, the grief and heartache, I won't write about it here. What I know is that Jessica is still married to Craig. They were sealed for time and all eternity in the temple of our Lord with His priesthood power. They may not be in the same room right now, but they are tied together with powers stronger than earthly materials and love deeper than physical measurements can assess. She is his, and he is hers, and they will find a way to navigate this new chapter in their relationship with the help of a most merciful and loving Father in Heaven.

I made this picture while listening to the song Craig and Jess danced to at their wedding. The lyrics are so beautiful. Please enjoy it here and then go snuggle up to those you love:

Oh, Gabe! You kill me!!!

It's Red Ribbon Week at school. You know, so the kids are all pumped up about being drug-free. And pumped up they are. Each day they have a different theme to wear with some kitchy phrase to remind them to be drug-free. For example, yesterday they wore neon because they are too bright to take drugs, got it?

So, my Gabe. So excited. All week talking about drug-free, drug-free, drug-free. And then, yesterday, during his sweet morning prayer while we were driving to school, he just got a little confused, and prayed,

"Dear Heavenly Father, Help us to have a good day, and to have good dreams, and to have free drugs."

OH MAN! I almost wrecked the dang car! I was laughing so hard, and trying so hard not to let him know I was laughing so hard, because honestly that is the sweetest prayer, but HILARIOUS!!!

Craptober, so far, is more of an Okaytober. I thank the universe for that

We had the annual Green Family campout, wherein my family left a day early and therefore missed the big rainout. Ha! Score one for us!

We had General Conference, which I am now basing our Family Home Evening lessons on, so I feel less like I'm just sorta swarming around and more like I have a direction. Point 2.

We had our Primary Program. It is most likely Charlotte's very last one ever as her birthday is at the beginning of October, and our ward usual has the program after that. Touching. She wrote a talk all by herself about her testimony of prayer. She was very nervous to start (sinking down behind the podium until the wonderful Primary president talked her back to a standing position), but she was clear-spoken and did a great job. As did the other two with their lines, and all of them had great success singing in their small groups. Point 3!

The shorter days are catching up to my good spirits, and this is even before the time change (November 3rd, people, don't forget). I'm trying to overcome by tapping into my kids' happy feelings about the "cool Autumn breezes" as Gabe puts it. They like not being sweltering at the playground during recess. Since it is still in the mid-70s during the hottest part of the day, I am not in that panicky cold-weather place. I still wear long sleeves, though, because I am cold-natured and stubborn to boot.

It's only 6pm, but I desperately want to close my eyes for about an hour. But I know if I just push through, I can have the kids down early (since it is darker outside, they don't question me. Ha! Point 4!), and then watch "Sleepy Hollow" (the series) and "Blacklist" on tv. I can eat candy and drink the two sodas that I found rolling around next to the up-ended cooler on the back patio. I can fall asleep on the couch if I want. Or I can read them another chapter of Harry Potter, which I should probably do before they forget where we are in the story. Yeah, that sounds good.

Is it too early to call it "Craptober?"

Probably, but I feel pessimistic. That ain't a good way to start the month.

Nothing to report, really. Gabe keeps saying cute things, but I'm so tired that I keep forgetting them. Alas. Just remember that he says really cute things.

George and I fight a lot. That bunny. Apparently he thinks he should have the run of  the downstairs, and when I pen him up, he pouts and ignores me. Rude.

Our house is cracking into three pieces. Foundation repair on the horizon.

Fall allergy season. I've had it easy, except today I'm feeling sneezy. That wasn't intended as a poem, but I'll go with it. Because my lunch has made me queasy. I think my burger was too cheesy.  Wish I had a legit reason to use "sleazy."

Still can't force myself to do any hobbies. Except play Candy Crush on my phone. And watch tv. No reading. No sewing. No smiling. I guess that last one I could try. In fact, I do try every day. I make it a point to be smiling as I pull into the car pickup line at school. I like my kids to have a shot at a happy afternoon. They like it. I can tell because they smile and wave as I pull up. That feels good. Good mom point for me.

I have to scrounge up some dinner. I have to put away yesterday's groceries. I have to make like a million appointments. That makes me want to go to sleep under the desk. Which reminds me of Gabe's cute thing he said today. He decided to do his homework sitting on the floor of my room under my desk with a box to support his paper. He said, 'It's like my own little office." Never mind the desk he has in the actual office. It was cute anyway. But only a little, because he had just had a fit over writing a sentence using his spelling word "has."

Gabe: "It just doesn't make sense, Mom. 'I has...?'"

Mom: " You are right. It makes no sense like that. Why don't you try using it in a sentence about another person."

Gabe: "Mom! Ugh! I don't KNOW another person! It's too hard!!!"

Mom: "Really. You know no other person. At all. Not one. You are all by yourself right now. You gave yourself that homework assignment. I think not."

Gabe: "I can't do it!"

Mom: "Then you will suffer the consequence. I will think it up now."

Gabe: "How do I spell, 'Dad has a job?'" 

Mom: "Great sentence, bud. Sound it out yourself. In another room, please."

See how the office thing isn't so cute after that? Because it isn't really in another room. You see how he did that? Gabe and George. They are both against me.

That's it. Pancakes for dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sucktember

Well, that about sums it up.

Andy was out of town 17 days. The days he was in town, he was not home. The days he was at home, he was working in his office. It. Was. Rough. PS - ALL of the trips were over weekends. Not a single weekend home. I had high hopes for the last one, but I was bamboozled by non-updating technology and there was indeed a trip where no trip appeared on my Google calendar on my phone. We are back to a paper calendar due to the extent of my irritation. A girl likes to know how much energy she is rationing out. I was sorely lacking.

Now, though, I am feeling a little better. It appears Andy will be in town most of October, which is a relief. I have been doing my morning routine created by FlyLady, so I feel somewhat productive and the house is under control, at least for us. I am preparing for the church's bi-annual General Conference plus Charlotte's eleventh birthday this weekend. Chocolate cake, so nothing too fancy. I guess she is being merciful after Claire's rainbow debacle. I can't read or sew or anything these days, I don't know why. I'm leaving that comma splice in there even though it is bothering me.

Today I took McDonald's up to the school for all of my kids in honor of Charlotte's birthday. I also took brownies to her class. And since Claire's birthday was before school began, I took cookies to her class as well. They no longer let me sit at the class cafeteria table with my babies. They now have a "parent" table where your child plus one friend can come sit with you. A little ostracizing, but whatever. At least it is easier to ignore the calls for total silence from the cafeteria wardens. Nobody is going to tell me I can't talk to my kid I'm eating lunch with. Charlotte and Claire share a lunch time, so I sat with them both and their friends (Chloe for Claire and Sydney for Charlotte). Chloe told Claire I am more fun than her mom. Which isn't true because her mom gave her an American Girl birthday party at the store in the private room where the girls ordered lunch off a menu and everything. But it was during the summer, and kids like what is right in front of their faces more than anything else, so. It still felt good. Gabe didn't invite a friend to sit with us because Jade invited herself. She is my friend from his kindergarten class who held my hand the entire field trip I went on. She loves me. Gabe didn't care. He didn't care about anything besides his Batman happy meal toy. Anyway, it was all a fun time. I even sneaked off to the book fair between lunches and bought these sweet babies:

Man, I LOOOOVE these books!
Well, I guess I need to start dinner. Chicken or tacos. Grumble grumble grumble.

How Summer Ended, or Crash And Burn

It sucked, that's how it ended. It was a miasma of bickering and whining and moping and had a two-week no-electronics grounding grande finale. Egad.

The good stuff was getting school supplies, because that is always fun; meeting the teacher, because that is exciting; and having the Wolfs come spend one last day with us, which included my daughters screaming at crying at each other, so not fun at all. Egad. Again.

However, school has now begun, and THAT is good stuff. It is a busy year because Charlotte is in fifth grade - her final year in elementary school - and, boy, is she making it count! She signed up to be on the flag guard, so I take her half an hour early each day to put up the flag. She signed up for hand chimes, so I will pick her up an hour late once a week. She also signed up for book club, so that is two other late pick-ups a month. She submitted a drawing for the yearbook cover. She volunteered to be Zero the Hero for the kindergartners. She is living the dream.

Claire also signed up for hand-chimes. She will go early with Charlotte once a week. She is happy happy happy with her classmates and her teachers and her backpack and her sporty-school-self (that is her own identification. Apparently she just feels sportier at school). She already attended a fun swim birthday party with about half the fourth grade in attendance. She, along with Charlotte, is deeply into reading, and they both work on two or three novels at a time.

Gabe is handling first grade as well as can be expected. He whines about the work, but then he easily completes it and brags that it was so dang easy. He informed Liz he has been mad at Coach Hall in P.E. "since kindergarten," and he keeps getting nonfiction books about animals from the library and making me read them. Ugh.

OH - here's the other big news...

WE GOT A BUNNY! His name is George. Craig and Jess got him for the kids' combined 2013 birthday and Christmas present. We love that little guy. He's a dwarf Holland lop eared brown and white little funny bunny of cuteness. He's litterbox trained and learning to come on command (with strawberries). The kids are bonkers for him. Me too. The kids call him my furry baby. I can't help it. He's really adorable and fun. He hates to be picked up but he loves to snuggle and play. He eats all sorts of veggies and hay and pellets which Charlotte has taken to feeding him twice a day. I am the only one who cleans his cage, but once back-to-school settles down, they will get the pleasure of that chore as well. Thank goodness it isn't hard. I'll post pix some time when I actually take pix. OH - I can post the video of the kids receiving George. It's short and very sweet, with me (according to Sarah very rudely) telling Andy to get out of the way, so ignore that part. I was just trying to work my camera video thing on my phone.

Summer - Part Deux: Claire turned nine

Well, we had Claire's ninth birthday. Her daddy was out of town that day, a Tuesday, but our friends the Wolfs were staying over (which happened a couple times this summer and which we loved the most). So, she actually had a week-long birthday extravaganza. My brother-in-law Jared would tell you that is not any different from a regular Grover birthday, but whatev. On her actual-factual birthday, Claire chose all the places we ate. I believe it was donuts for breakfast and McDonald's AT the pool for lunch, and Chili's for dinner. Then when her daddy got home the next day, she chose Cheddar's for another celebratory dinner. Then on Sunday we had her family party at Mom's and Dad's, so more birthday. She wanted a My Little Pony cake. I picked a fabulous rainbow design with rainbow colored layers. It was a massive fail of epic proportions. Although she said it would be fine and would probably taste better than it looked (thanks, babe), I didn't feel ok about it at all. So, I left a huge mess in my parents' kitchen (they were out of town) and went home to sleep off the anger and disappointment I felt. I got up early the next morning to bake a much less adventurous cake. Then I went to my folks early before the party to clean up, but GUESS WHAT: Whittney and Jon had already cleaned the whole thing!!!! I was ridiculously grateful. So, I made subpar frosting and let Claire and her siblings decorate the plain old 13x9 cake themselves with M&Ms and tiny My Little Pony figures.

Cake Fail. This was supposed to be a half-round cake standing on it's cut edge, you know, like a rainbow. And the ponies were all along the top. But then it slumped. And slumped and slumped. And ran off the edges of the plate. And the ponies slid down down down. It was a disaster. And after all the time I spent making seven different rainbow cake layers. Including indigo. INDIGO, PEOPLE!

Here is the plain vanilla cake in a pan that these kids decorated with rainbow colored M&Ms. You can see how much more they prefer this particular version. I'll try to do better next year, Claire :(

And now summer is over...part one of I don't know because I am a sucky blogger.

Here's a recap:
We went on a lovely road trip to Utah at the end of July. Our end goal was my brother-in-law's wedding in Manti, Utah, but we went via a few waypoints.

First off, we drove up to Dallas for Andy to work at a weekend conference on Friday, July 19th. I was able to see TWO great family friends (thanks to Ally Black and family for letting us crash in your gorgeous home; thanks to the Stephens for a fab dinner and great visiting).

On Sunday, the 21st, we had our furthest drive of the whole trip: from Dallas to Tucson Arizona. Fortunately, I am a KILLER AWESOME roadtrip packer, plus also my kids are fantastic road-trippers, and including the fact that Andy can drive like a trucker which is great because I fall asleep in the car after about 30 minutes, so it was a GREAT day. I had the car stocked up with library books, books on CD (which all but Andy loved, but he graciously let us have a few hours of listening every day), washable markers and paper and coloring books, and toys that all fit into these handy lap trays with storage in the sides that the kids were in love with. I got them from Walmart for $6 each, and they were worth triple that for this trip alone. I told them they could take whatever they could fit in the little bins on the sides, so that both limited the amount of stuff to bring (and potentially lose) as well as gave them freedom to choose what they loved most. I also bought them each a pillow pet to serve as both, well, a pillow and, um, a pet. A stuffie. A toy and friend, you know how it is. My kids love stuffies. THIS IS THE FIRST EVER TRIP THAT CLAIRE DID NOT BRING BIG PUPPY, so thank you to Pillow Pets! Okay, and we also had snacks and a trash bin and a map that Charlotte hauls on every trip for the past two years and follows along, and a custom cd made by moi of all my kids fave songs on the radio. That was genius, I say.

We loved the huge cacti of Arizona! We actually pulled over on the side of the highway to take this picture.

After spending a night in Tucson, we headed the couple hours up to Phoenix to spend Monday with my dear Amanda from college and her family. It was great to break up the long days of driving with a day of rest and play and swimming and talkingtalkingtalkingtalkingtalking like old times when we were single and childless and used to try to imagine the day when we would be married and our kids would play together and we would still hang out AND IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING! We spent that night with Amanda in her home, and then we left the next morning to head on the last leg of our trip straight up to Salem, UT. I sobbed when we pulled away from Amanda's house. Sobbed. Put my head down on my lap, shoulders shaking, scaring the kids sobbed. Who knows when I'll get to see Amanda and her family again? Argh.

Anyway, that reminds me that Claire also did a lot of crying on this trip. It seems that she loves her cousins in Texas and her cousins in Utah/DC so much that her heart is always missing half no matter who she's with. I had to introduce her to the concept that your heart can be in two places at the same time when you love people who are far apart, and it hurts, baby, I know. We cried some more.

ANYWAY again, our drive up to Salem to stay with my cousin Kate was fine. I always find it hard to enter Utah, but this trip was the best by far. Kate's home and family are SO fun and SO nice and SO full of good food (thanks for all the hot breakfasts!). Seeing my aunt and uncle close by there was great. Driving up to North Salt Lake every day to where my bro-in-law Brian lives wasn't even hard after all the hours upon hours of driving we'd done (plus, as I mentioned, Andy did all the driving and I did all the sleeping), which is what we did in order to hang out with Andy's whole family. We did lots of fun stuff, like hike 2 waterfalls, make the wedding cake, visit and visit and visit, get to know my new sister-in-law who is fantastic, watch the cousins (all girls except Gabe, who was a little glum about it) play with Darling Lady who is Brian's and Carrie's girls' hamster, attend the lovely wedding in Manti, throw the reception in Provo, and then meet up with two more girlfriends from college which was a total and unexpected treaty surprise! What a trip! Here are some pictures:

The happy couple exiting the temple to the cheers of the family and some strangers.

Setting up the reception at this green gorgeous park with a mountain in the background that was actually a, wait for it..... shooting range. Super-secure feeling, right?

The coconut wedding cake made by me and Gabe. He was a little hurt that all the cousins were flower girls and he was nothing. This job totally made him feel better about it.

The first waterfall adventure. Apparently Andy took this at the top just after Charlotte looked down and realized how far up she had gotten. I stayed at the bottom in a lawn chair for this one. Thank goodness.

As you can see, it was steep going. Bridalveil Falls

Hiking to Stewart Falls, the second waterfall adventure. These are the famous aspen trees of Aspen Grove up at Sundance. My grandparents' names were carved on one of these trees many moons ago, but I don't know if the tree is still standing.

Stewart Falls. Freezing. Flesh-slicing rocks. We didn't care. We totally ran behind the falls and got soaked and sliced. Andy and his brothers climbed up to the upper falls as well. Crazies.

Totally awesome double rainbow in New Mexico that spanned the entire sky. And you know pictures of rainbows are never as vivid as the real thing, so clearly this thing was incredible.

The kids at Hoover Dam. We ate lunch there on the way up, and it was HOT. You can see the dam in the background.

Wait, It's July?!?

Midsummer update...

Well, I feel like we've been out of school for about two weeks and are finally ready to settle into a summer routine. The sad reality is that summer is halfway over. It is the first time I haven't had my kids to schoolwork every day. Or any day. It has been great. This is what we have done:

• We had swim lessons every Monday through Thursday morning of June. It was great. The teachers down at the natatorium are really kind and capable. Charlotte really honed some strokes and even dove off the board. Claire gained a ton of confidence and ability and now plays around in the deep end of the pool every day like a fish. Or mermaid, since that is more her style. Gabe has never had lessons before this, and he showed so much improvement. He started with dipping his face in the water for half a second and wearing a float ring constantly to floating and going under for diving sticks and swimming a really adorable quirky freestyle between me and the wall five feet away. He now plays all over the three foot six inch pool side with abandon, no float in sight. I'm really proud of all of them and tended to get a little emotional at lessons watching them bravely face their fears morning after morning.
• Since then, we have swam with generous friends a lot.
• We went to the zoo to see the lego animal exhibit. I still hate the zoo. The Houston zoo in particular is rotten. But the kids had fun. Plus we were with family friends who came to stay with us, so that is even more fun.
• Plus those friends came to stay with us another few days this week, so it has been like a slumber party for three days. Now we are all hung over from no sleep, really junky food, and too much caffeine, I hope to do it again soon :)_
• We already got our summer reading trophies from the library (they only require 20 hours or books, so we got that in the bag). I have gotten them into listening to books in the car, too, so we are totally nerdtastic.
• I have been quilting a ton. I mean a ton. I started a Farmer's Wife quilt and work on a block or two at a time every day or so. I only like piecing the top, not any parts after that to turn it into a quilt. Anyway, I love it. I have a darling new quilt cabinet and cart for my stuff that I keep right at the dining table so I can watch tv or watch the kids watch tv as I sew. 
• And if you are wondering where Andy is in all this, he's been working nearly around the clock. Good man, but we'd sure like to see him sometime too. It will be great to have our family vacation this summer to finally spend more than five minutes together.

So, we are looking forward to a long glorious lazy summer just like this. Too bad it is friggin' halfway over already.

For the first time ever today, I...

Whistled with my fingers in my mouth! You know, the cool ballpark way! I'm 36. I have crossed something off my list that has been on there for three decades. And it was a total whim just to try (again) while watching virtual Pete the Pizzamaker make my Domino's pizza, but this time! THIS TIME! IT WORKED! Just the once, but I feel awesome. Not I-just-did-the-splits-for-the-first-time-awesome (I'm still waiting for that one), but totally awesome anyway!

EXACTLY like this lady! Without the audience.

Preschool Graduation!

First off, IT WAS SO FUN! Second off, I CRIED ALL DAY!

So, I reserved the pavilion at the neighborhood park. That's free. Nice, right? There are picnic tables under there, and bathrooms and water fountains right by it. The park has a playground, a sand volleyball court, a LOT of grass to run around on if you don't mind stinging bull nettle, and the said pavilion. Okay, so we got a bounce castle - yeah!!! And... a snowcone machine! That makes a party, people. All the families of my kids came plus Liz and Ethan and Harris. I made some pretty sorry looking cupcakes, but they tasted fine, and the icing was yummy. I had a green party bag for each graduate (grand total of 5) with a star shaped melamine balloon in their favorite color tied to the handle. Of course, then the super-long strings tangled up in the lovely breeze, but Liz untangled them for me. I presented the kids with a certificate for one outstanding trait they demonstrated during the year. And a poem which I was going to read to all the parents, but I would not have been able to speak for all the sobbing, so I just stuck it in their bags. It is this:

 A Note From Ms. Jen

You're a very special person,

And I want you to know.

How I loved to be your teacher,

How fast the weeks did go!

Please come back to visit me

As through the grades you grow,

Try hard to learn all that you can

There is so much to know!!

The one thing I try to teach you

To last your whole life through,

Is to know that you are special

Just because you are you!!!

-Anonymous

I love those kids! Anyway, in their bags I had put a preschool workbook for the summer and a pack of 8 crayons, a picture book about starting Kindergarten (they each got a different one; I ordered them from Gabe's last Scholastic book order so they were inexpensive), an 8x10 photo collage of pix I had taken of them at school during the year (the border was in their fave color, and their names were printed across the bottom; thank you Walgreens.com!), an ABC handprint book they had worked on letter by letter each week of school, and the stuff with their names on it from our classroom. It was really fun to put together and imagine them opening up. PS - one of those smartypants kids has ALREADY completed the entire preschool workbook! He called me on the phone this evening to tell me. No wonder his certificate was for Dedication. 

PLUS, those sweet angel babies made ME presents! A gorgeous hand-painted plate with their signatures on the back; a hand-painted mug; a book about me and that little dude going to the park; a lovely lovely card and gift card. I am SO SPOILED. I get money, fun kids, memories, and gifts! THIS WAS THE BEST JOB OF ALL FREAKING TIME.

Ms. Jen and her Little Grove Learners! And my plate!!

So, I only choked up the one or two times at the big par-tay. I cried on the way home. I think I would have cried all day again today, but I had a playdate with one of my little guys, just me and him, all day today. We painted and made stories and ate leftover cupcakes and played angry birds and got a chicken ready for dinner. (He so helpfully narrated the whole chicken's feelings on the matter, "I DON'T WANNA BE DINNER!" Hilarious.) 

It is very hard for preschool to end. It was the perfect solution (thank you Sarah!) for my empty nest this year. Now, with only one and a half days of school left, I am having to feel the feelings of Gabe being a first grader when I was never even okay with him being a kindergartener, of Charlotte being a 5th grader which is ridiculous, of Harris not being in the same school as my kids next year which kinda breaks my heart as well as theirs, and missing these fantastic five kiddos who have blessed my life all year long. I'm lucky to be aunty to the one girl of the group, and she really made me feel important and needed all year when I had no kids at home. She gives up all kinds of love. One of my little guys is moving, and that makes me cry every day. I can't stand not seeing him go to kinder. He has already invited me to his baptism in three years to make sure I will travel to him. I am super glad the other boys will be nearby to keep up with. Of course, their awesome kindergarten teachers will soon become their new best friends because that is how it works, but I hope that they will remember preschool and feel happy about it. I mean it, I'm a little ridiculous about them. I am just really grateful to their parents for giving me a chance when I had no experience or credentials or, you know, licensing. As I slowly take down my classroom, I think I will make myself a little scrapbook of the year. It was too great to let my crappy memory steal it.

Today I made a rough summer pipe dream list. I've never left it until this late. It'll be okay because the first two weeks of summer they will have swim lessons. And I told them we will be cleaning out their rooms and closets and adding to the chore chart. Plus their lovely teachers sent home some summer work so I don't have to buy workbooks this year. Works for me. I do love summer break!

PLUS I just bought a swimsuit online for...$55! 40% off coupon and free shipping, yo!

Tomorrow is awards day. Gabe can't wait to sing the mystery song he's been practicing. Andy will actually get to come this year, so we will eat lunch with the kids too. That's a great way to end the year. Of course, during family prayer tonight when Charlotte prayed for them to enjoy their awards tomorrow, I started crying. In all the graduation party hoopla I hadn't processed that the year is actually over. Egad. I need to quilt me some therapy, but I can't make the machine work, so I feel angry at it. Nothing makes you cuss like a sewing machine snafu (right Emily? right Delana? I totally used the Rachel Seely swear about forty times. It is very gratifying.)

"RACHEL SEELY!!!"

May has trickled into June

The dirty rat!

Really, I should have specified: JUNE 6 is the cut-off. That is the last (half) day of school. PS - I became a little teary today when I wished my kids a happy last Monday of Kindergarten, 3rd and 4th grades. WHAT?! I mean, I haven't even come to grips with Gabe being IN kinder, much less OUT of it. Yipes. Yipes yipes yipes.

Still, I can't wait for it to end. Gabe talks constantly about the super secret song they are preparing to sing at awards day. Oh yes, there is still awards day to attend.

Speaking of, I'm waiting for some stuff to process on the computer for our own preschool celebration tonight. FUN! And a little stressful because I have a lot to do, and I am lazy. And disorganized. Alas. But I'm so looking forward to it that who cares, because those kids are so durn cute!

First week of summer will be cleaning out bedrooms and swimming. I still need a bathing suit.

I keep switching screens to see if my preschool crap is ready for me. Nope. High stress. Maybe I'll come back to it after I run to the store? See, here is where I need a time-efficient person to direct me.

May May is Cray Cray

The month of May - will it NEVER end??! It is the most stressful of months barring December. And we all know that is due to celebrating the birth of our Lord, so it gets to be stressful. May, though, is way outta line. EVERY YEAR. I need for the school to schedule all of it's end-of-year performances, celebrations, etc. in NOT May. Can they not start sending home every piece of art work and busy work and finished projects in, say, February, and then let them trickle on down until May? Because yipes. I have signed, admired, trashed, stored, a million zillion things. I have penciled in every reading reward party, behavior reward party, hand chimes concert, library book deadline, lunch money deadline, field day, board game day, pillow day, and every thing else they can think up day, and I have no brain room left for anything. ANYTHING.

Here's the bright side: Four and one half days of school left. Zero teacher gifts on the schedule. This year they will only receive appreciation in the form of a letter I already gave them for Teacher Appreciation Week in, you guessed it, May. I will say NO to the birthday party some mom is throwing for her kid on the last day of school. I WILL get Preschool Graduation Celebration planned and executed by Monday evening. Then we start swim lessons the first full week of summer break. It's all too much, I say.

I got my mom's kiddie pool thrown out with the garage sale donation pile. That's just a confession. I had to buy another for Water Day at preschool today. It was kinda, well, $18 and you can see why, but it did the job. No more preschool. It doesn't even seem real.

The kids are still champion chore charters. This summer I will teach them bathrooms. We'll see what happens.

I am ALMOST finished with a baby quilt I've been plucking away at. I am very much not a finisher.

I keep thinking it is Friday. I wish it were Friday. I don't relish waking up and taking the kids to school tomorrow. I don't relish settling who gets the DS at their electronics party tomorrow. I don't relish trying to skip out on the talent show without hurting my kids' feelings tomorrow. Alas. Maybe I'll ask Gabe's teacher if I can read to his class again since I'll already be up there after I get guilted into going to the dumb talent show. Not that they have start times on that talent show. Or any real clear description of what they are doing in it. PS - I hate talent shows.

We love chore charts yes we do!

Frankly, I was just positive the kids' enthusiasm about the pretty new dry-erase chore chart would last half a week, and then I'd have grumbling whiners on my hands. Again. I'm amazed that we are now at a FULL week of chore chart adherence with no complaints thus far! They are proving themselves quite capable. The kitchen is tamed. The laundry is handled. Egad!

Seasonal allergies are kicking my butt these days. It is finally warm (that freaky lingering winter weather has been creeping me out!), but who cares because I can't see anything for all the itchy eyes and sneezing. I drink throat coat tea every morning because I've slept with my mouth open all night and wake up with a sore throat. I have a raw nose from all the blowing. This reminds me of the time...

I didn't develop allergies until I was 30. I was quite arrogant about not having allergies before that, so it was also a pain in my pride. Anyway, one day I had vacuumed and emptied the canister (all in one day - amazing). And then I had a horrible allergic reaction to whatever I had vacuumed up, because my nose swelled up, my eyes got puffy, I couldn't breathe, my face was all pinched looking. Here's a note: don't go see your big sister in this condition. She kept looking at me saying, "You are REALLY reminding me of someone. I wish I could think of who it is!" Over and over. Since we've known each other our whole lives, this is a little unexpected, yes? However I continue trying to hold a polite conversation when she busts out with, "I GOT IT! IT'S MR. TUMNUS!!"

Here's a visual:

Mr. Tumnus

THAT CREEPY FAUN FROM NARNIA?!?!?!?!?! Who is a DUDE?!!!! Thanks a lot, Sarah. This is worse than that time you compared my hair at a WEDDING to this guy:

Lord Farquaad

Allergies suck.

Let's lobby for 1 hour church

The gigantic huge storm over the weekend left us with spotty power at the church. Therefore, we only had sacrament meeting. What?! This is the biggest pull other churches have for me. It was AWESOME. Who wouldn't want to hang around and visit a little after only ONE hour of church?! I get it now, Protestants. I get it. Sunday brunch suddenly makes sense. Plus also, we had piano accompaniment rather than organ, which I so prefer.

Now it is Wednesday. It feels like church was yesterday, so you can see how it's going over here. Fast. Busy. Not my preference, but what can you do. The weather has finally warmed up to the low 80s, but I think it'll cool down again this weekend. What is up with that crap? It should feel like practically summer. This winter is ticking my tack. (My niece Faith made up that idiom. We all thought it was so lame that we couldn't stop using it. Now it is just part of the Grover colloquial speech.)

I am about to have to get the kids from school. I am super excited about it because I will be revealing our brand new, colorful, dry-erase CHORE CHART. I'm sick of being the maid. Things are about to change up in here, people!

It's the last month of school. And preschool. It's almost as if it never even happened. I feel a slight panic to line up about a million books to read this summer.

Swoon block. Aptly named.

Mondays suck because of chores

I think that is universally acknowledged.
I should be doing dishes, laundry, store returns, meal planning, and grocery shopping.
I am browsing the world wide web instead.
In order to feel slightly accomplished and less irritated at the week ahead, I will do this:
ONE load of dishes
ONE load of laundry
ONE dinner planned and purchased
NO store returns (that one is my favorite!)
I feel like this is doable and then I can just enjoy the day. It's Liz's birthday, after all, and it isn't her fault it is on a Monday.

Other than that, I am excited that our half bath remodel is almost completed. That project began a couple years ago. I had some cash, so I purchased tile and vanity for the half bath. That is also where the project stalled. Now, though, it is rolling on through because I hired my bro-in-law Jared. The tile is laid and grouted. The mirror is hung. The lights are installed. The paint is chosen. I'm so excited to have a not-nasty bathroom for family and friends!

Okay, so I'm off to do the chore list. I will put Pandora radio on the tv and blast it. It's currently shuffling country, gospel, R&B, Dixieland jazz, and James Taylor.

Nancy Drew Fabric line

And After

I went to church 45 minutes early and practiced the organ. Then a kid who knows some stuff came in and set the buttons for me. I played okay. As it turns out, it is harder to hear mistakes when everyone is singing. Plus, I did not pump up the volume so very much.

With that over (phew!), and with Andy home from his trip (double phew!), it is just the crow that is left. I hate pms.

I am supposed to clean downstairs so there is room for my half bath to get remodeled this week. As much as I want that, and I TOTALLY TOTALLY want that, I can't do it. All I could do was take out the trash - which included an armchair and a table - and scrub the toilet because I was embarrassed for anyone to have to unscrew it and carry it out of my house looking like that. Frankly, I think that is a lot.

The kids asked to buy lunch today because they had eaten all of their prepackaged lunch sack food for snacks. I smell teaching opportunity! Mwahahahaha! (I seriously doubt that is how our Heavenly Father behaves when we are ripe for a teaching opportunity. Or maybe it is.)

Today is my dad's SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY (60)!!!!! I wish I had some pictures here at the house to scan, and when I steal some from his house, I'll totally do that! I am excited for him even while realizing how young he is. I mean, he has seven adult children, 17 and a half grandchildren (the half will be a whole in July or August), and he's only sixty! Egad! Happy birthday, Dad!

I have been reading and sewing lately, which is awesome because those are two of my favorite activities. In preschool, we made mini-quilts for Q week. I had a million (okay, a hundred) half-square triangle patches prepared out of a lot of different colors and fabrics. They got to choose sixteen to make a four row mini-quilt. I know, that's ridiculous. If I had been smart, I would have had way fewer choices and only let them make a four-patch, but I got carried away. Besides, they enjoyed it. I just backed them with fleece which came from my fabric stash. All of the fabric came from the stash. They are totally messy and crappy, but they got the job done. I also have been working on ruffle curtains for my nieces. They are time consuming but SO REWARDING!!! Hopefully when I finish up a few more on-going projects I can start quilting just for me with my NANCY DREW FABRIC I got from my folks for Christmas and also the fabric they gave me for my birthday. Obsesssed anyone?

In case you were wondering, these are half square triangle patches. See, each half of the square is a triangle, and, um, you get it.

This is the Before

As in "Before Church" and "Before Andy Gets Home from His Business Trip" and "Before The Crow Leaves." A nasty combo.

Oh, here's a note: when you have PMS, don't have a severe seasonal allergy attack. And if that is outside of your control, DEFINITELY don't take all three of your kids to Floor and Decor on a Saturday afternoon to try to match tile that you bought two years ago. What, that's a given? Well, I must have been desperate because it was the will of the Lord that I didn't snap necks and kick faces. Of strangers, of children, of employees. It took a volcano nachos no sour cream, two chicken soft tacos, and a bean burrito from Taco Bell to recover. The kids had something else, but who cares, I was busy trying not to suffocate as I chewed since my nose was COMPLETELY STOPPED UP ALL THE WAY. I had to sleep off the whole event on the couch until 7pm.

Which means I did NOT do the very most crucial thing I had planned for Saturday which was this: practice the organ. BECAUSE I HAVE TO PLAY IT IN CHURCH TODAY! Yep. I have had one lesson. 1. Uno. And it is the same as the piano the way a guitar is the same as a ukelele. Oh they may both have strings, but there are some differences that make a congregational debut somewhat daunting. My biggest worry is which buttons to push - the ones that make it sound big and tabernacle-y or soft and funeral-y, I mean sacrament-y, and I am worried of course that I'll play like crap because I tend to, and that I won't follow the chorister because I tend not to, and of course there is all that prelude and postlude that my only saving grace is everyone talking over it. Egad. Plus no Andy to sit with the kids. And Uncle Tim is ill, so he won't be there. And I have to be there early which is nearly impossible on the best of days, which I don't even have to tell you this is not.

So why am I not in the shower? I'm about to be. Really. As soon as I stop looking at quilts on the internet and pinning them on pinterest because that is of utmost importance. Here's one, as a parting gift:

Farmer's Wife Sampler by Helen Philipps

Up to date

Apparently biannual blogging is the new thing. Frankly, I've been in the belly of the whale for the winter, and writing ain't possible in there. It's spring, though it is way too cold, and nobody is sick anymore (10 weeks of anything bad and communicable were in the belly of the whale with us), and I figure either I've been spit out or I'm too acclimated to notice the diff.

Once upon a time I said I'd started a preschool, but I never wrote anything about it. That is due to guilt. I was working really hard on being legally licensed and all that, but due to all sorts of things, I never did get licensed, so I'm totally illegal, and that feels like crap. So instead of being excited to talk about it, I sorta avoid it. But that doesn't mean I don't love it. I totally love it. Which also doesn't explain why I won't do it again next year. Weird, I know. I feel like it is exactly the right thing for helping me with all my kids being in school for the first time. In fact, I credit it for surviving that event. I love the kids, and I enjoy planning the activities and crafts and get a kick out of the things they say and do. I just don't want to do it with any kids other than these particular kids. I have five, and that is my limit. We meet twice a week for 3 hours at a time, and we have a letter of the week, shape and color of the month, little lessons on science skills or life skills, and lots of painting, snacking, singing, playing, and writing practice.  We have circle time, and the kids all know the pledge and the days of the week and the months of the year. It's a lot of work, but the good kind. Next year, I guess I don't need it. It feels complete and totally over when this school year ends. I feel very encouraged and flattered that I've had a few moms ask about joining their kids for next year, but I also felt totally at peace saying no to that.

On how I'm dealing with Gabe being a reading-writing kindergartner  well, I'm dealing. Grief is a process, and I'm past mad and sad and have accepted. I still get tearful if I dwell on having no more children, but I keep too busy to think on that much. He loves school and is pretty compliant and willing to learn after a somewhat rocky start. Once he gained confidence, he really took off. Sweet boy. The girls offer him tons of support and encouragement that he really thrives on and seeks out. They are awesome sisters.

In other news, my parents moved EVEN CLOSER to us than they were before! Ten minutes away, in fact, and it is glorious! Their home is gorgeous and big and has the best backyard ever invented. The kids and I are giddy. We make up reasons to go over there. Since they were only 20 minutes away before, it isn't that we didn't see them so much. It's just that 20 minutes is too far for a quick turnaround. If I had to return home for anything I didn't plan ahead and bring or whatever, that's 45 minutes before I'm back to my folks', and that is too long. Ten minutes, though, we can just drive over willy-nilly because going home is close enough to not be a problem. Plus I can stay over there until right when school lets out before I have to pick up the kids. I love an extra half-hour of play time!

The BIGGEST benefit, though, will be at Thanksgiving. Oh, the joy! Mom's fancy new oven, Kroger 10 seconds away, anything I left at my house (which is always at least two trips of stuff) so close. AND all the rooms for playing and sports and sleeping! AND the big giant kitchen with the gorgeous granite counters to cook on! I can hardly wait!

We are in the middle of our Easter tradition of discussing the last week of Christ's life each day starting Palm Sunday. I cannot get enough of how much my kids love the scriptures. They are amazing people. I gotta get to cleaning tomorrow because Easter dinner with Andy's fam will be at my house this year, and we gotta have somewhere to sit. I am going to rearrange the living room furniture which means a)I need energy, b)I need help, and c)I need uninterrupted hours (meaning I need to wait until preschool is over for the week). But then, I'll be on fire. Spring cleaning like nuts. The kids won't know what hit this place. Let's be real, they'll probably cry because they cry at most change whether good or bad. But then they'll like it :)