I went shopping, so it is easier

Having food totally helps when a girl is looking to eat healthy. I think that might be a scientific breakthrough.

I find that if something tastes really good, I think it is unhealthy. Yeah, I'll be hitting some corn tortillas with refried beans, salsa and broccoli slaw (310 calories), and I end up thinking, "Crap, I screwed up." Uh, what thuh? I loved it. It was filling and spicy and yummy. Why is that equal to bad for me? I do it every time. But especially for spicy food. I'm such a weirdo.

Since I'm tired of thinking about and talking about food, let's talk about cleaning. Some of you may know that I hate it, so I never do it. I'm talking never. Okay, technically never means not ever ever ever. What I mean is I go quite literally months. Which means my house is very messy. Andy cleans the kitchen. We take out the trash. I clean the toilets and do laundry. Ta da. The toys stay on the floor. The clothes stay on the floor. Yada yada yada. Anways, the point is when I do clean, I have to put a kerchief on my head, lipstick on my lips, and music on the radio. Yep. If you swing by, that's what you'll see. I have to harness my chi. Is that how you spell chi? Yes, yes it is. My life force. Which is in my lipstick.

Harder still

Yes, today was harder. Food is unappetizing, but I'm hungry, and we all know that the fast go-to foods are the bad ones. I still ate the good stuff, but I didn't like it as much. Nothing feels comforting. The closest I've come are the two chicken sandwiches I had for lunch. They were only halves. But the feeling was fleeting. I'm about to guacamole myself through a novel. I think there is some potential in that. Perhaps it is not helping that the novel centers on a catering service. The kids are in bed, I've got a book and an avocado. Sounds romantic.

Drum roll please....

It has been a week since I have eaten any refined sugar, enriched flour, white pasta, or potatoes. I'm not alone. I have a support group, and I love them.

So, please don't be offended if I pass on a Coke or candy bar. And, here's the shocker, I don't miss it. I've lost 5 pounds. THAT's helping since today was a bit harder than last week. Last week I found stuff to eat easily. Today, not so much. I couldn't figure out why until I wrote that last sentence, actually - I haven't been shopping.

And then there's the discovery of a walnut allergy. I was only eating a handful every day after experiencing debilatating seasonal allergies all month. Today I ate some and an immediate itching of the throat ensued. I asked Liz to Google cross allergies and walnuts. Hey, turns out tree allergies and walnuts are totally related. Ha! I knew it! I feel like the guy who discovers the telephone after Alexander Graham Bell. But WAY dumbed down. Plus, there are others. Like maybe the bananas and strawberries in my morning smoothies. We'll find out.

So, that's it. Be amazed, because I am.

Happy Birthday Lizzie!

Hey, Lizzie! Happy Birthday! I made this playlist just for you! It's songs that either you like or that remind me of you. Yeah, it's short, but I can't spend all day on playlist.com.

I love you. You are fantastic. I'll tell you why: You are the most service-oriented person I know. You are juggling service projects to add service projects. You serve your family willingly and happily. I know - I live eight houses away, and I walk in any old time I want, and what do I find? Love, food, good conversation, affection for my kids, encouragement, good advice, really funny stories, kids that have been raised by smart parents. You have always tried to help people who aren't necessarily in the "popular crowd," as they say. You are a true friend. You are prayerful about how to raise your children with Jared, how to perform your calling, everything! You are so amazing at working out!!! I can't believe it. No, I really can't. You are so dedicated. Just running around out there, and lifting weights. You have always done it. It totally shows. You have a very pretty figure - you shut up, because you do, especially legs - and you work hard.

Things I love about you: You make everything funnier. Yep. Sarah is funny. You make her stuff even funnier. You are the funny catalyst. If you put you and Sarah together, it is all funnier. One word - fudge. (I am currently enjoying this fantastic playlist. I wish I had put "Cheeseburger in Paradise" on here.) Okay, okay, next thing: you can joke about yourself endlessly. Really, if I came at you with "you looked like Chucky when you were a kid you double-booty lizard," you would laugh and make it funnier! Um, I hope. You really are a good decorator, I don't care what you say. As well as good at makeup. But even better than both of those, you can put together an outfit with accessories like a Hollywood stylist. And the whole thing will cost a buck seventy. Them's skills. You make me feel good about myself when I am crying and feel like crap. You loan me stuff all the time. You are an excellent baker. You make cake taste like cornbread (a very endearing thing for someone who is a perfect baker).

Favorite stories:
Throwing clothes down to you through the upstairs window because yours were muddy. You coming into the Cannon Center at BYU to visit me and we were all screamy and huggy and everyone stared in utter jealousy, I'm sure. Meeting you at the temple and driving with you back to Provo with little Faithy. Spending the night with you and her there. Eating lunch with you and Jared and Faith at that Italian restaurant when I was on my lunch break at work. Running out of gas. Getting each other 5 candy bars and a coke, just pick a time. Remember that time we worked together to get Gabe's carseat taken out with the trash? That's a fave. When Mamaw had to cut every little tooth off of that curling iron because your hair was stuck in it. You doing high-knee jogging-in-place waiting for me to catch up that one month I was running/shuffling with you. What was I thinking?

I love you. You are a really good sister and friend. Sometimes I think you are older than I am (NOT because you look older than me! You look younger than me!) because you are so much wiser than I am.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Breach of Etiquette

I mentioned that two people asked me if I'm pregnant recently. Then there's this:

Liz told me that my nephew Harris, who is NINE, folks, was standing with her while she was talking to a girl who is due to have a baby this week (or next week, I forgot). After Liz was done and the gal walked away, Harris whispered, "Mom, is she pregnant? I waited until she left because I didn't want to hurt her feelings."


ARE YOU PEOPLE HEARING ME?!!!!

Nobody taught him that. He just knows it. He knows that women don't want to be told they are fat in any circumstance. He is NINE. NINE NINE NINE.

And if anybody is tempted to ask me if I am pregnant, the answer is that I am not.

Letting the playlist run will enhance this post.

I started a new drug. Actually, more than one, but one that we'll talk about particularly. Here is the most amazing awesome thing:

I HAD NO CROW!

ZERO! ZIPADEEDOODAH!

That has NEVER happened! Literally! Since my very first period I have had killer pms. Killer. The reason they had to start calling it PMDD¹.

Now, that said, I have a couple of side effects. BUT THE DRUG IS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!!!!! One side effect, and not a deal-breaker at all, is gas. Oh yeah, people. Popcorn popping over here. I can't care. It is totally worth being a social pariah. I hate people anyway, so it works out.

The other side effect I've had before - eating eating eating. In this case, I can't tell when I'm full. I'm just always hungry and thinking about food. I've gained 5 pounds. My clothes I got in December are too tight. I've gone up a jean size (and they are too tight, too, but they were $25 and quite possibly cut small.) So, I stop eating either when the food starts coming back up or when I gauge the food mentally. "Normally, a four egg omelet fills people up, so I have to stop there." I've had TWO people ask me if I'm pregnant. Yep. No need to respond to this part; I'm on a happy pill. So, what to do??

Start a new drug, of course. I started yet another drug to counter the eating disorder from this drug. Plus it has the added benefit of making soda taste nasty, so that helps a healthy lifestyle.

Here's the thing. The thing about it is, I'm not pleased about being on a bunch of drugs. I don't like it. I feel like there's got to be a better way. But I've never felt better (or chubbier) than this. I don't want to screw that up. Well, I'd be happy to screw up chubbier, but you know what I mean. Lifestyle changes, whatev. Plus, seasonal allergy pill. BOOOOOOOOOO. I just feel a little weird about it. I'm exploring my options. Well, option. Which actually is a healthier lifestyle. Diet has a huge impact on depression; so everybody will the willpower into me to make the drastic changes required. Starting tomorrow. Kidding! Starting next week. Really. I can't start this week b/c I'm not done reading the book.


Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Dysphoria is defined as "An emotional state characterized by anxiety, depression, or unease." Basically the opposite of euphoria. As opposed to the traditional Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. Syndrome is defined as "A complex of symptoms indicating the existence of an undesirable condition or quality." Totally hand-picked the definition out of a list, but at least it was on the list.