Interim Blog

I have stuff I would normally blog about, but I keep waiting on this or that to be finished so I can blog it from start to completion. But, if you don't know me well, that takes me a lot of time. I take forever to even aquire the pictures and get them up on the computer.

So, I'm just gonna post this while I get around to the good stuff.

How have things been? Fine, thanks for asking. I'm sure like anybody's December: part high stress, part really fun, part exhaustion.

Thinking of Christmas last year, you would think I'm a different person. Although decorations aren't required for me to have a fantastic holiday, I still decorate when I feel like it. Last year, not so much. This year, I'm into it. For me, that is. I'd post a picture, but, you know how it is. Oh! I have a picture of my fabulous wall creation of my very own design that cannot be appreciated on film but trust me is fantastic:

It is a wall of pictures in the shape of a Christmas tree - I know you can see that, but I have to say it. The best part you can't see: all the pictures are illustrations from my childhood Christmas books. They make me feel really happy. And some Peanuts cartoons. Yes, I thought of this all on my lonesome, and I am extremely pleased with myself.

In that same picture, you can see the new paint in my living room. My mom and sister Mary and I painted it a few weeks ago. Love it. Stole it directly from Liz's living room. Ripped it right off. It makes the room feel lighter and brighter, and the ceiling seems to float away and not feel low and cramped.

Stuff I can't make myself blog w/o pictures: Gabe's third birthday yesterday; the new windows in my living room; ... okay I guess that's it.

On an emotional level, I was in a mid-level place since Thanksgiving. Not totally down, for sure, but low energy, low motivation. I had messed up my med schedule with all the holiday craziness, and it took me a couple of weeks to get it back on track. Those dips in drugs make a difference (that sounds Seussical). I can tell they are built back up b/c, well, we have clean clothes. I've cleaned some house. I've cooked a little. And I am generally more excited and less stressed than I was.

Oh my gosh - this is when the non-delete rule becomes necessary. I'm not remotely interested in this post. Hm. Well, I'll have to go cheer myself up by teaching my kids "Jingle bells, jingle bells, Santa Claus is dead! Rudolph took a 44 and shot him in the head..." So not PC.

Uncle Da Da

What Gabe calls his father these days.

Weirdo.

Ya know, it's funny

The black crow has sat on my piano, but I didn't change the black crow on my sidebar because I usually don't blog during the crow. That's pretty dumb.

I'm tentatively saying the crow has flown the coop for now. But I did change the sidebar because the husband said I should at least show y'all what the crow picture looks like. Voila.

Hey, here's news: I haven't been caffeinated since Saturday. Do not ask me what happened. It wasn't a giant decision. I just ran out of Coke, and I didn't get more, and I thought, "Well, now's as good a time as any." And I'm not entirely sure if it is a resolution to stop. It's just, I've stopped. But I'm still hanging my new Coke can ornament on my tree. On principle.

My clever, funny, useful idea

Apparently I'm all obsessed with the black crow right now. You may notice on the left sidebar that I have a crow update. Happy face = no pms; Black crow = pms, so watch it (and watch out!)

And today I created this for my home:


It is to warn my family (namely the spouse) that the black crow has alit on the home. I just replace a picture on the piano with this sucker, and that's that. Mostly because once I get the black crow, I stop talking and start grouching. Then when the black crow flies away, I just trade it out for the picture that it replaced.

Utter brilliance.

Stomach flu, boo hoo hoo.

I hate it when my kids are sick. It is so pitiful, and the parents get so wiped out.

I always want to go on a clean-and-disinfect spree. Alas, I am usually too tired to do more than Lysol the entire joint and wash bedding. I'm discouraged, though, because Claire came down with it Thursday night, and I Lysoled the samhill out of this place. Now Claire has it again (or is there just a two day lapse in puking in the middle?), and Gabe has it, and Charlotte was up all sunbeams at midnight holding puke bowls for us. It was a Blue's Clues Vomit Party in the living room - whole family invited.

Fortunately, as of this typing, Andy, Charlotte and I haven't got it. Gabe's zonked in my bed. He wakes up really pissed every so often cranking at us to give him a sippy cup, but he falls right back to sleep after saying it. He's only had a little gatorade with water. Claire has had crackers. I have had enough.

Back to bed. Gabe's weekly stay of execution is based in no small part to how angelic and cuddly he is when unconcious. Hey, maybe knocking him unconcious once in a while...

I agree with this.

Which NCIS Character Are You?

More on NCIS. Created by BuddyTV

Boys be nasty, yo

Gabe, as I've mentioned, likes to pee on the floor. He's upped his frequency, so, I think, "Well, that's a sign (hopeful) of potty training readiness."

But, he needs a little help. Hey, I know - a training potty! Since he pees, and then he announces his deed, maybe if he has a potty down there with him, right in the thick of things, he'd use it instead of the floor.

Enter the Royal Stepstool Potty. Sensors detect when the deed is done, and it plays one of four majestic, triumphant tunes. Plus, it resembles a throne. Lux.

He uses it prolifically all afternoon. Four times in, oh, 3 hours. He's just squeezing out a few drops at this point. And then...

I walk into the living room to see him squatting next to an upturned royal potty, splashing a not-a-few-drops of pee on the floor.

Did. You. Dump. This?

Yes. Yes, mother, I did. And why? Because I'm a boy. I was born nasty and naughty.


I put his diaper on backward (pretending that could possibly deter the Y chromosome) and stomped away. Here is a picture of the fallen monarch:

I just need to share this with someone right when it happened.

I just checked on my whole chicken in the crock-pot that has been going since 9am.

Look's good, but, hm. What's that there? That looks kinda like, well, a plastic bag? What would a... OOOOOOOOOOOOOh, crap. Do chickens have a sack of nasty bits shoved in them like turkeys? I think yes. Did I take it out? Um, as I recall, all I did was cram a whole lemon in there without looking.

So, now, a plastic baggy of cooked nasty chicken bits is emerging from the hind parts of my bird in the crock, and I had to do the "ew ew ew" dance all by myself in the kitchen since the fam is sleeping.

And, just to top it off, the bag broke open when I pulled it out. I'm leaving the mess b/c I am just as grossed out by that as I am by the sight of my bird which split down the back when I pulled out the bag.

This dinner is disgusting.

Those kids better eat it.

Sarah had her baby!

A little girl!

Her name is Catalina Mae. That has changed from yesterday when they had named her Antonia Mae. But, according to the dad, Catalina is now on the birth certificate.

She's beautiful, of course, and very very sweet. She was born yesterday morning and has all the regular stats - 7 lbs, 14 oz., 20 something inches, etc.

I am super excited that she is here. She looks a lot like Minnie to me, but she changes looks every time she moves her face. But mostly I see Minnie and Sarah. My mom and Sarah and Angelo keep calling her fair and light-haired. I ain't seein' it. Of course, it may be because my kids are see-through. But I only saw Catalonia Mae late in the evening in a dim room with a little cap on. Awww, sweet little cap. I love that stuff.

Oh, yes, Sarah, I said Catalonia. Really, though, I keep using her whole name. CatalinaMae. CatalinaMae. CatalinaMae. So, if you change it again, I'm calling her Jennifer.

Okay, folks, that's it! Another darling niece for me! And the 14th grandchild for my parents. Cah-razy.

Dear Mrs. B-

"I am pretty lost when it comes to Charlotte's math homework. The corrections you send home are largely due to my misunderstanding and misdirecting Charlotte.

Should I let her go on alone when she has questions about what to do? Can you send a little help my way?

Pitiful, I'm sure.

Thank you,
Jennifer R."


--Actual letter to a 1st grade teacher.

Halloween

Princess Claire, Count Charlotte, and Marvin the Martian.

My children have some sweet survival instincts.

I swear I was plotting their demise all day today. Yesterday was the day. The day that I decided the smackdown was coming. I was totally ready. Writing a lecture; flowchart of consequences.

And then...

They have such funny senses of humor that I just let go of the total disregard for my parental authority. For example:

I asked Claire how lunch was today (I guess because I just love hearing how poorly I execute that job), and she exclaimed, and I really mean exclaimed, "Thumbs up for the real deal!" With the thumbs up, of course. I couldn't stop laughing. Especially since I pack exactly the same thing every single day. Peanut butter crackers, Capri-Sun, string cheese, piece of fruit, and a treat. Today was fruit snacks. Is that the magical key? Couldn't be since they've had them all week.

Gabe stacked up all the plastic toy buckets in his room, climbed up, and tried to get something off the shelf that is above even my head. A huge bang and scream later, I find him with wall rash on his forehead and a goose egg on the back of his head.

But later he makes a ghost face and chases us all around howling, "OoooooOOOOOOOooo!" and wiggling his fingers. Then he explains, "It's Halloween."

Charlotte gets out of hot water by helping me do everything she sees me try to do. And playing it off like she doesn't think I'm incapable. How compassionate. Still, it's sweet and funny, and I appreciate the help b/c she is certainly effective.

So, for your viewing pleasure, Gabe's ghost face:

Today on the menu...

Cocoa Krispies.
Coke.
Broken pretzels on the floor.
Coke.
Can of chili with cheese and crackers.
Coke.
Whoppers (the candy, not the burger).
Peanut butter M&Ms.
Coke.
Chocolate pudding.

Apparently the black crow likes chili.

The upside of crazy

Isn't that a movie? Oh, no, wait. That's "The Upside of Anger." Who's in that? IMdb says Joan Allen and Kevin Costner. Ugh.

Alright. The upside is that, combined with PMS (um, I didn't mention that the black crow is on my shoulder and making me unable to squash down those feelings I hate), I eat stuff. I mean, stuff.

Last night, I had two bowls of rice and chicken with corn. Then I nuked a cookie, pried vanilla ice cream out of one of those little one-serving cartons, and covered it in Hershey's syrup. So, naturally, I followed that with a can of chili with cheese.


Today I ate an entire package of Pinwheels. Along with Cheerios (yay for me!), spaghetti and meatballs, salad (yay again!), broccoli and cauliflower, numberless Cokes, and eggnog. I'm headed for the pudding here in a minute.

My show was a rerun tonight. RE-RUN. Seriously, after only four (4) episodes this season? Is somebody kidding? (Anybody on that line? It was Andy on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" with Kristy Swanson. Highly quotable movie.)

Soooo, thank you to you all. I feel loved, and that is pretty neat in the cyber world.

Faithless

I've become faithless.

No comments necessary.

Speechless (but apparently not typeless)

My kids have never done anything like the following:

Of course they are showering unsupervised. They are such hypochondriacs that one of them will come running if there is an injury or, you know, drowning.

So, after they have had sufficient time to survive unattended, I went back there to get them out. I was met with a flood. Okay, not a flood, but a thorough soaking.

The shower curtain was wide open. The floor, counter, mirror for heaven's sake, were completely wet. Top to bottom. Side to side. Including my bin of makeup. Including all the dirty clothes scattered about on the floor.

What happened in here?! A bunch of damn fawns in the headlights.

It didn't take two seconds for the apologies to start. And the explanation, which was that they had taken the net scrubby things, soaked them with water, and hurled them at the mirror. Repeatedly. I was agog. I mean, I didn't have the mean mom face or voice. I had the bewildered and oh-no-my-makeup face and voice. More apologies.

I handed them all towels and told them to dry everything. Dry it well. Then I exited stage right.

They were in pretty good moods, actually. I think they were amazed they hadn't gotten the smack down. They joyfully came out to tell me it was all better (and to apologize about the makeup again. Incidentally, no makeup was harmed in the making of this disaster.)

The following, though unanticipated in any way by anyone on earth, is totally typical behavior:

Well, now I have a bunch of wet naked kids. Oh, I made them clean the bathroom before they got towels for themselves. The girls ran off to take care of themselves, and I went about diapering the diabolical Gabe. As I was doing so, I noticed some white stuff on his belly. Huh? Looked a little like diaper cream. He's gotten into that before. Then I notice it on his legs and then on his little wee wee. And then I catch a whiff of fragrance. I know that smell! Where is that smell from?

Gasp!! That is my DEODORANT! Ewwwww! Ew ew ew ewwwwwwwww! And then I remember that he had come out of the bathroom with my deodorant in hand, uncapped, garbling something excitedly. I just thought that he had dried it off all on his own. Why the hell can't that guy speak English!?

Gratefully, I have two other deodorants that were spared the disgusting crotch expedition.

I can't even -
I'm speechless.

Weird email

So, here is the gist of it. (What the H is gist? Where the H did that word come from¹?)

I got an email I guess trying to see if I was the right Jennifer Ruggles. It went from there:

Hi Jennifer, Can you see mount
rainier from
your home? Did you grow up in Tacoma? Troy

Um, no. Do I know
you?

Hi Jenniferruggles (ladyfun001) Tacoma. How are you?
Troy

I believe you have the wrong Jenniferruggles. I am not
ladyfunn001. I am nowhere near ladyfun. If I had a user name, it would be
crazyladywithagun001. Other than that, I'm fine. Good luck with your hunt in
Tacoma.

Hopefully the crazy+gun secured the end of that exchange.

That is the third Jennifer Ruggles I have come across. The first is my cousin, natch. The second was a gal in Provo who bounced a bunch of checks at various grocery stores. I thought I was going to starve. So, amongst the three of us, poor Cousin Jen's name is besmirched.

¹Of COURSE I had to look it up:
1711, "the real point" (of a law case, etc.), from Anglo-Fr. legalese phrases, especially cest action gist "this action lies," meaning "this case is sustainable by law," from O.Fr. gist en "it consists in, it lies in" (third pers. sing. pres. indicative of gésir "to lie"), from L. jacet "it lies." Extended sense of "essence" first recorded 1823.

I was about to write a post about being a total loser

And then I remembered this:

Monday night I mentioned something about the prophet speaking at General Conference, and Charlotte broke in with, "Oh, I love General Conference!"

She is amazing. We watched all four sessions. Those packets must have helped out a lot b/c they stumbled out of their naps when the last session started and asked to please watch GC. Um, YES.

So, I succeeded at something. And it was a most important something, so that is why I can't write the loser post.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

A general update, which ain't much, so just skip it.

Welp, I haven't been on the blog scene of late. I had a particularly ugly visit from the crow, among other things.

Things are just sorta trucking along. We finally got our window fixed this week. That's the only noteworthy thing I can think of. I'll refresh your memory: I broke it with a tap shoe whilst killing a wasp. Just so you know, that was after Charlotte busted out a pane whilst (2 whilsts, people!) hanging on a reclining chair that, you guessed it, surprisingly reclined. This was a few short months ago, so it is record time for us.

My wonderful NCIS began again, and it did not disappoint. It's (sadly) the highlight of my week. I also watch Project Runway, but since it reruns about 16 times a week, I don't freak out if I miss it.

See? Nothing of import or interest. Sunday was a bomb, but big surprise. I always struggle with Sunday. I love the Lord - that's how I get through it. It's a good thing he looks into the hearts of men and not just at our behavior. I would get a failing grade. Especially lately. I gotta get up and fix some stuff in my world. AND I gotta get some fancy stuff prepared for my kids for General Conference this weekend.

The following presentation is an explanation of General Conference. If you know, then stop reading now, because I'm not writing anything after this. If you haven't stopped already b/c this post is blah.

Okay. General Conference. Bi-annually, the church holds a, you guessed it, general conference world-wide. It is broadcast by satellite, web, some cable, radio. It features the prophet and apostles as well as other key leaders in the church giving addresses on various gospel subjects. It's really awesome. The biggie deal is that regular church is canceled since G.C. is held in four sessions. Two in Sat. and two on Sun. Each session is 2 hours long. These ain't no repeats. Each session has different speakers and topics and whatnot. Anyway, it is extremely uplifting and encouraging and goes a long way in guiding and redirecting my life If I listen up. I doze periodically, but that is mortal. We are talking 8 hours, peeps.

Now, since this can be daunting for adults, kids especially need some help. Yes, I expect my kids to watch all four sessions. Eventually. Now, they usually only watch 2. But that's a-changin'. They need to know that when a prophet speaks, we listen. It's the most important thing they'll hear. That said, there are lots of fun activity packets available online with coloring pages, bingo cards, games, etc. to help them focus a little on what is being said. I promised the kids I'd have fun stuff and special meals to keep us looking forward to the weekend. Now, I have to deliver.

The following will be offensive to some readers.

I like to give people a chance to back out. Seriously, though, don't blame me if you read on and find something you don't like.


Since we last met, Claire knocked over a recliner onto Gabe and gave him a bloody nose. Just desserts, I say. Gabe sat in a pile of ants and looks like he has a pox. That makes me a little sad. He certainly doesn't deserve that. Fortunately, he has a very high pain threshold, so he doesn't complain about the mass of pustules all over his leg and arm. Gabe took off his diaper and stood on the couch in order to pee. After he peed on the floor. Of course, the floor is concrete, but I still have a pee-drenched towel to wash. Claire has had the mother of all fits wherein she kicked the crap out of the wall and screamed at the top of her lungs how much she doesn't like me and that she thoroughly hates 2s. (We were practicing writing our twos at the time. By practice, I mean she actually sat on her hands and refused to write any 2s.)

THE FOLLOWING IS THE PART THAT SOME WILL FIND OFFENSIVE

Charlotte got sick and is home from school today. The upside to this is that I got a fancy new ear thermometer. The disposable covers look like tiny little condoms, so I get amusement every time I take her temp (101.3).

OFFENSIVE PART OVER

Other than that, well, nothing I guess. I just sit on the couch reading and waiting to follow Gabe as soon as he leaves the room. He's under marshal law. See y'all later.


The chair that hit Gabe. You can see his diapered butt in the background climbing onto the couch. Probably to pee. You can see the concrete floor that he peed on. You can also see the state of my house, but that doesn't bother me so much.

Claire's ears AND the reason I am about to crawl to Mexico in tears

#1 - Gorgeous, yes?



#2 - Gabe + Playdoh = Why I wish I were in Cancun.

blah blah blah (that's both how I feel and what is in this post)

Just so you know, Terminix isn't coming until next week. So much for waiting around all day yesterday. Not that it changed my regular schedule. Still, though.


Last night was an excellent night for tv. Project Runway was fantastic, of course. Since I've already weeded out the designers who don't measure up (little sewing reference there, y'all), I like it when they get eliminated. Then, a new "Real Housewives of Atlanta." Good drama. I've gotten to the point that I've mentally inserted myself into their conversations and say stuff out loud to the tv. Mostly to put them in their places. I'd be a star.

Internally, I think I'm doing better. Perhaps the additional med is going to work out. I still feel pretty reclusive, but I'm functioning in the house (remember yesterday?). I'm tired every second. I don't eat well, and I have moved to the excessive in caffeine. It's just so comforting to have a cold Coke in my hand with the assurance that more are in the fridge.

I think today is Friday... yep. Oh! Happy Patriot Day!!! Shout out to all our soldiers and firemen and police officers!!! We love y'all and thank y'all for protecting our country!!! God bless America.

I timed it...

It takes me exactly 45 minutes to be threw with my kids.

I woke up this morning cheerful - yes, cheerful, don't laugh - at seven. I saw my daughters sitting on the couch, one reading a story book to the other. Beautiful, yes? Then, the dream vanished and the daily debacle of getting ready for school ensued. Fits, fits, fits. Slow, slow, slow. Complain, complain, complain (um, some of that was me.) Get in the car. Fight, fight, fight. Get out of the car crying (surprisingly, that wasn't me.) At 7:45 am, I was absolutely finished with my kids. Done. Didn't want to see them, talk to them, nothin'. Oh, wait - Gabe.

So, he peed on the floor and my foot this morning. He screamed and threw things. And this is after he crawled into our bed at some point in the night. I didn't know he was there until his giant melon of a head cracked into mine when he turned over. He didn't even skip a breath. I sat there holding my head and wondering what happened. I didn't cuss, though. No, I saved that for the second time he bashed me in the head with his cannonball noggin. And yet, I still got up a cheerful person. That, my friends, is the power of pharmaceuticals.

Now, Coke in hand, Gabe in bed, I am going to the couch...WAIT! I haven't finished bragging on myself!

Before 9am, I have done a load of dishes, one load of laundry, folded it and (dum, dum, dum, DUM) put it away! Okay, so now I am going to the couch, turning on Bravo, and sudoku-ing until the battery runs out on my phone. And waiting for Terminix.

I haven't blogged much because Gabe is rotten

Sunday I woke up to about 3/4 of an entire large bottle of baby powder dumped on the floor. The girls were attempting to clean it with dripping wet rags which resulted in a trail of paste all through the living room, kitchen, and bathroom. As I went to address it, I stepped on an unraveled spiral notebook and put the wire into my heel. So, I went back to bed. Besides, sitting at the computer forces me to look at the marker he put on the wall.

I am working on pix of Claire's ears.

Charlotte is sick today.

Anything else? Oh, roaches. Terminix has been summoned. I sat in terror on the couch last night after killing two. I was afraid to cross the room to my bedroom. And once I was in the bed, I was afraid to sleep lest one crawl in.

Welp, that's it. Nothing to blog. Nothing to do except laundry and dishes. And since that ain't happenin', I'll have to get crackin' on my pressing schedule of sudoku on my phone.

Big Deal

Claire got her ears pierced! She asked her Aunt Mary for it for her 5th birthday. So, today we went. True to character, she chose the very largest fake diamonds available. She was so brave. Cried, but stopped quite quickly after she saw herself in the mirror. I must say, she looks adorable. She is stoked to show everyone. She is just sure they are going to be in awe. So, if you see her, make a deal of it.

Charlotte is now asking. Well, her birthday is in a month.

"When Will I Ever Learn," or "I Gotta Get the Heck Outta Dodge!"

No more talking about sleep. It just screws it all up. For example, my entire day was screwed before 8am. And I can't tell you about it because I'll just jinx myself further. Well, I can't tell you about the sleep part. I'll tell you a little about the awake part.

Charlotte actually tried to refuse to get out of the car and go to school this morning. I say "tried" because as soon as I took off my seatbelt, she changed her mind. I always laugh at that because they don't get spanked. What, exactly, are they afraid of? Me. So, betwixt her crying and Gabe screaming that he wants out of the car, the teacher who was helping unload my kids looked in at me and said, "I'm sorry!"

The nice part of the morning was Claire discovering Alan Jackson's song, "Gone Country." (Start playlist now.) It went like this:

"Mom! She's gone country! She's got new boots! Isn't that awesome?"
[insert Charlotte's bad attitude here]

"Mom! He doesn't believe in money!"
Gabe, "Oooooh, country!"
[more baditude]

The rest of the day until now has consisted of Gabe behaving in such a manner that I am considering throwing him against the wall. I may not be buff, but he's pretty scrawny; I bet I could manage it. I'm climbing the walls. I can't stand this one-kid-at-home business. Sarah warned me. It is worse than I anticipated. And don't even try to help me get out of Dodge, b/c the taboo sleep topic is what is keeping me tied to the house. I don't want to discuss it anymore. It's making me batty.

In other news...

...um...

...well, I guess that's it. Stream-of-consciousness sucks when you are scatterbrained. No stream, essentially. More like puddle-jumping.

I shouldn't have said anything.

I've done practically nothing but sleep since my last post. Recap: tooting my horn about being awake and alert at inhuman (read: decent) hours of the morning.

*yawwwwwwwwwwn*

Well, back to the couch.

I keep getting up at 6am!

What's up? I don't do that. And now, my eyes just keep popping open, and I can't go back to sleep. Of course, I stumble around like a fool starting around 10am, but I can't sleep then, either.

Well, that's how it has been since school started, anyway. Last night it was different. I fell asleep on the couch after the kids went to bed and slept until around 10pm. I fell asleep again sometime after that. After Gabe got up for the millionth time, I went to my own bed and actually slept until the alarm at 6:50. And it felt weird. Am I really used to getting up in the morning now? Does anyone know how out of character this is for me? Can I get a witness?

Do you know how worthless this blog post is? I bore myself.

Good Way-Too-Early-In-The-Morning!

My son is so beautiful.
I am sick of looking at him.
He needs to get out of my bed at 2 in the morning.
I need to parent him out of my bed. But it's 2 in the morning.
And he is so beautiful when he's sleeping. Plus, he holds my hand.
But he needs to get out.

It isn't even 8am, and we both need a nap. I don't nap well anymore, so I will probably play sudoku and watch crappy cable tv. I'll doze on and off, and that is the closest I'll get. (Watch - now that I've said that, I'll sleep like a corpse.)

Project Runway tonight. I am seriously impressed by people that talented (ahem, Natalee). I wish SO BAD that I could do it. I would be modest couture. I'd blow them away. I'd be all over the red carpet. I wish I'd dream about this rather than my teeth falling out, again. Or at least dream about "The Thirteenth Tale" like Leslie.

Welp, (I always say that, so I might as well type it, although it looks stupid. But say it out loud; I bet I'm not the only one who says it), that's it for today. Or at least for too-early-today.

Remember the good old day?

You know, yesterday.

Because today was nothing like the golden memories of yesterday. As predicted, Gabe was bored with everything, and I was not interested in playing two-year-old games. He was grouchy and tired from getting in our bed at 2:30 this morning. (NOT a common occurrence). Ditto for me.

Claire said today was great, and then promptly had consecutive meltdowns about every gol-darned thing from 3:30 to 5:30 pm. She spent most of that time screaming and kicking things in her room.

Gabe spent that same time frame fussing and picking at everyone else. So he was screaming a lot, too.

I fell asleep on the couch at that point. Snotty Kid Overload, I think it's called. Andy took Charlotte and Gabe to the store with him. Claire is suddenly in a good mood because she gets full run of the tv, and she took over Gabe's blanket fort.

PRAISE TO CHARLOTTE AND HARRIS FOR BEING ANGELIC!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring (typed with much sarcasm and eye rolling)?

Verdict: Awesome

That is the exact word used by both Charlotte and Claire when I asked them about the first day of school. I'm relieved and really happy for them.

The day with Gabe was interesting. We did everything together, as you can imagine, and it caused him to be UBER cuddly. Naturally, I loved it. And I thought, "Is this going to last? Is he gonna be sick of me tomorrow? Am I gonna be sick of throwing this ball and online coloring and making pillow houses?" Um, yes to that last one. I will be sick of it. I'm interested in seeing what the days are like once we settle into it. Still, he laid his head on my shoulder the entire time I pushed him around in the Walmart cart. Nothing beats that.

Now, if I can only do it again tomorrow.

Is tomorrow the first day of school?

Doesn't feel like it.

I didn't take the meds this morning, and, what d'ya know - I'm not nauseated. I love proof.

I love Primary. We all know this. Today, however... Today was about the craziest I've ever seen it. Good luck in there, my friends, cuz I'm just a sub.

I'm actually beginning to think that subbing might be my thing. Step in here, help out there, no real commitment or obligation. Hey, I'm on to something! It's like babysitting, which I like to do. Nothing permanent, ability to decline, perfect, perfect, perfect.

Alright, folks. I don't have anything else to say. I don't feel like my entire daily life is going to change in the morning. And by that I mean home all day alone with Gabe. Yipes. Good luck tomorrow, peeps.

Morning Sickness

And I ain't even pregnant, y'all.

I'm suffering from nausea from this new drug. It feels just like morning sickness. I thought I was through with that mess. I'm back to eating plain bean burritos like I do at the beginning of my pregnancies. I'm drinking powerade and dry heaving in parking lots and my yard.

My experience with side effects is mostly that they abate after awhile, so I'm keeping at it. I'll change from taking them in the morning to taking them at night (Hey! Just like prenatal vitamins!).

Pharmaceuticals

I had the pleasure (sarcasm, y'all) of visiting Shrinky-Dink yesterday. Stuff ain't right around here. Plus my refills were gone.

I actually cried. She looked very sympathetic. I know I dog on her a lot, but she is really nice. Perhaps I'm secretly bitter about having to go. Nah. I just get annoyed with Front Desk Debbie, and it is a hassle and pretty expensive. Never mind.

Here we go. Diagnosis: mixed episode. I got depression and mania going on at the same time. No wonder I've got everything screwed around. (I'm thinking of a lot of undercover swears that would anger my mother. Like bass-ackwards and fit hitting the shan.) We are adding two new meds. One for depression plus another mood stabilizer to prevent the anti-depressant from pushing me into mania. Trial basis of course. It's basically educated guessing. Or scientific process if you prefer. Boils down to me being cranky, paranoid, blue, frustrated with myself, no self-esteem, restless, hyper-caffeinated, and fatigued with weird sleeping and eating patterns. (I was about to type "Like you people care. I sound like an old person listing off my aches and pains. Sorry." But I guess that sentence defines itself as well as most symptoms listed above. Sorry.)

The upside is that Shrinky-Dink was actually wearing a heart dangle ring. Along with nine (9) other accessories. I counted. She has changed to a new decorative pattern on the laptop. It's not as glam. Huge earrings. I think I saw Bea Arthur wearing the same ones on Golden Girls last night. Plus, and this is amazing, she was ON TIME. Shrinky-Dink, not Bea Arthur.

Holy snap!

Project Runway is BACK! The new season premieres Thursday at 10e/9c (I threw that eastern time in there for you Ransom) on it's new channel Lifetime!

Do I sound like a sound clip or what?

Post title courtesy of Claire.

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jigg

I went out of town (AGAIN, you say?) for my brother David's wedding. It was wonderful and really fun, and I am really grateful that my long suffering husband and kids didn't even whimper as I walked out the door for the third time this summer. Actually, being at the wedding was incredible, but the fact that they will be here this week makes it better since we all know nobody gets to visit with the bride and groom the weekend of their wedding.

Okay, so I'm back. Let's get situated:

Claire is actually, factually registered for school. We even have a meet-the-teacher later this week, so that makes it super-official. She's scared to go, and she gets more scared every day. Thank goodness there is only one week left or she'd be a dribbling catatonic shell by the first day. I'm confident that she'll get over it quickly. Probably by the end of the first day. I feel for her in the interim, of course.

I have yet to buy stamps or go to the shrink (or make the appointment), but I feel like that is something that tomorrow can handle.

Family Home Evening is another story. It is the last one before school starts, so I really want to focus on that. However, Andy may be out of town over night. We just don't know. I really want him there for it, of course. Rollin' with the punches on that one, I guess.

I felt very grown-up this trip because I drove myself to the airport, parked the car for three days, and then drove myself back home (obviously) when I returned. Very fancy. I even walked directly to my parking space! I remembered to pull out cash to pay for parking on the way out. I was in possession of the parking ticket I got when I came in three days earlier. I mean, I was on a ROLL! (Off topic: Andy was opening a box of chocolate covered oreos I brought back for him from Rocky Mountain Chocolate, and, as Claire waited breathlessly for them, she whispered, "Holy snap!") If it weren't for that ridiculous 10 minutes that found me in the lanes for credit card checkout and something called airport ez tag checkout. Apparently, I didn't qualify for either of those. So, I turned around and went out the do not enter lane, back through the parking garage to my recently-vacated parking space, and started over. I made it down to the correct cash-only lanes, but I was made. The attendant had watched the whole thing as I backed up and pulled into lane after lane, been rejected, did a U-turn, and went out the one way lane. I think he was trying to let me save face by not mentioning it, but I saw him see me, so the jig was up. Other than that, though, I was golden.

And, here's the biggie: I traveled without luggage! I wore my wedding outfit (same as the church outfit, kids) with my shorts underneath, my flip flops, deodorant, toothbrush, meds, mascara and lipstick, phone charger, and two pairs of undies were in my purse. That's it! I was staying with my family, so I knew that there would be makeup and hair stuff there. Of course, I didn't count on Sarah and Liz being so hostile about sharing, but at least my mom and Mary were friendly. I routinely sleep in my clothes and wear them the next day, so spending three days with one outfit aside from the wedding clothes was perfectly normal. Yes, yes, I could've taken a carry-on. But then could I say that I traveled without luggage? No, I could not. And that makes all the difference.

If I were rich...

... I would never carry my groceries again. EVER.

Bipolar appreciation

It's not what it sounds like. It's my kids.

In the car, I'm greatly appreciated as soon as I turn on the radio. I can be riding with my kids for 6 hours, and they entertain themselves in the back seat. As soon as I turn on the radio, they have 40 questions each. Here's how it goes:

"Hey Mom, can you turn on the music, please?"

Click.

"Hey Mom, blah blah blah?"
"Mom, blah blah blah."
"Mama, garble garble garble!" (That's Gabe.)

Click off.

"Answer," "Answer," "Answer."

"Hey Mom, can you turn on the radio?"

Click on.

"Mom, blab blab."....

Click off.

"Kids, do you want the radio on, or do you want to talk? Because I can't hear you with the radio on."

"We want the radio!"

Click on.

"HEY MOM!"


Here's where I am completely unappreciated:

This morning, the tv was off, the kids were on the computer. So, I sat down to play the piano. They come running in with requests. The Little Mermaid won. So, I'm playing "Part of Your World," and they ask me to please sing, too. This, in itself, is a cue that things aren't going to end well since I sound nothing like Ariel. Okay, though, I sing. About two phrases into the song, I hear the tv click on. Another couple phrases and I hear the volume turn up. I can take a hint. I stopped playing and started blogging.

Well, It's August.

My stress levels are through the roof. I'm not good at this. Life, I mean. I totally suck. I'm surprised my life visa hasn't been revoked. I'm low, low, low on the emotional totem pole.

Church today started helping. I say started b/c as soon as I got back home, I began to lose the perspective I had gained. There was a heavy dose of coping with trials in all the lessons and testimonies offered at church. Rather, peace that comes amidst trials. And I thought, "Okay, here we go. We can do this Jen. We can keep an eternal viewpoint. We can appreciate that these are small trials for only small moments."

But then, well, I am with me again. Real me. Weak, exhausted, scared me. I don't know who that "we" was talking to me in the last paragraph, but she jumped ship somewhere in the 8 minute drive home.

What the crap am I doing wrong? Oh, I know - I'm sucking at meaningful scriptures and prayer. I'm being a less-than-present mother. I'm being (perhaps) not as well medicated as I thought.

On that subject - perhaps I was better medicated before. Sometimes, medications only work for a while. And then, who knows, they stop being effective. Then, the rigmarole of finding the right cocktail. And thinking, "I know the right cocktail! Rum and Coke!" Not that I've had rum and Coke, but it sure sounds like a humdinger of a combo.

I'm sad about things, and I'm stressed about things. I'm sad my friend moved away. LOSER! I'm stressed that I have obligations to fulfill in a limited time frame. I'm scared that I'm not capable of fulfilling those obligations. I mean, I can't even keep a thought in my head! Have you tried talking to me lately? I can't remember my kids' names. I'm being dead serious. I have a 10 second pause where I'm trying to remember the name of whichever child I'm trying to speak to. My memory is shot. I feel out of control.

Hey, this sounds like mania.

My prescription is up this month, which means back to the Shrinky Dink. She better fix this nonsense.

Oh, and then there's the ever-present ... ...crap! what is the word!!! ... ... s&^%&. The ever-present insert the word that I can't think of of wondering how much is really mental illness and how much is learned behavior and how much is laziness and weakness and, well, whatever else.

DAGGUM! I can't think of that stupid word and I feel like crap! THIS is what I'm talking about, people. This exact thing! I used to have a great vocabulary! Now I can't remember

CONUNDRUM!!! The ever-lovin'-present conundrum.

I hate this.

Thanks y'all. And the social security office is the waiting room for hell.

I received such kindness and love and encouragement from my dear friends, so I really want you to know that I appreciate it, and it helped me. I did indeed stop crying shortly after I actually found my calendar hanging on the bulletin board where I apparently thought it would be visible.

Today, however, was the day I actually went to request a new social security card at the social security office. Let me first say that I went to the county clerk's office for a new birth certificate, and I was there for 20 minutes tops. I left with the document and a fancy-pants envelope to put it in and NOT LOSE IT AGAIN. The SS office was not the same experience.

You come in (with three kids) to a very large waiting room that looks a great deal like the waiting area at your gate in an airport (I'm sure you can feel me on this, Lori). This security guard dude is standing under a sign that says, "Check In Here First" or something very near that. So, I do. I walk right up and say, "What do I do? I'm here to get a social security card." He says, "Fill out this form." The form is sitting right there under a sign that says, "New/Replacement Social Security Cards." Since I had already seen this sign, I was just being polite by checking in. It seemed pretty pointless. Until he gave me my NUMBER. The one thing that will get you out of the hell hole up to the window to get your business taken care of. Okay. Got it.

What I didn't get was the sign on the way in that said, "No cell phones." Alright, I get to the part of the form that asks for the daddy's social security number, and of course I don't know it. I mean, I don't know where my calendar is, so what do you expect? I go to call him. No phone. So I rush my kids out to the car to get it. All the while, I'm totally worried I'm going to miss my number. The number system isn't simple. I mean, it isn't "Now serving 74," and you are 83 and know that you have to wait for 9 people. It is "Ticket number M274, please report to window number 23." Along with, "Ticket number H37, please report to window number 9." AND "Mrs. Blah blah blah, please report to window number WHO THE FREAK CARES BECAUSE WE ARE ALL SO CONFUSED!" Um, I think I was a little low on patience. Seriously, though, I had to go up to the window(s) twice to see if they had just called my number b/c I couldn't hear what they had said.

So, I come back in calling Andy. Trying to keep the kids contained on three chairs and still hear the announcements. Security guard, "Ma'am, you can't use cell phones here." Uh oh. Sorry! I hear Andy trying to give me his SSN as the guard is asking me what my business is about. So, I tell him. My husband, his number, your form. Well, as it turns out, even the security guard knows that this can be done with just the mom's number.

While this exchange is taking place - and as I'm hanging up on Andy - Gabe has slipped off the chair. He is running in circles about 5 feet away singing, "Limbo limbo limbo!" (This, Claire informs me, he learned from that big purple dinosaur named Ernie.
What's wrong with my kids?) So, I start to get up to grab him, and the security guard who is still in my face says, "Is he yours?" Yes. "He can't be doing that." And here is me about to go postal. But all I say is, "I know. I'm taking care of it. I couldn't do it because I was TALKING TO YOU." No lie. He just walked away. And I just looked at the two ladies sitting next to us who were staring shamelessly, and I said, "That just made me real mad." They laughed and played with my kids. I love them.

Hey, I know we are an obnoxious crowd sometimes. Kids are kids. And mine weren't being awful. They were wiggly, but they were mostly happy and talking quietly. ONE little limbo contest and BAM! Some dude feels the need to earn a government paycheck and crack down on a TWO year old.

So, that's it. I was peeved, but in the way that you know it'll make a funny story later. Well, at least in my head. I can still here me saying, "because I was TALKING TO YOU!"

Oh, and I've lost my calendar, too. Typical.

This SUCKS!

I am sitting here crying. I totally suck. Why can't I keep up with crap? I have no birth certificate for Claire. I have no social security card for Claire. How the CRAP am I supposed to register her for kindergarten without these things? Blood sacrifices? Voo doo? And now the horrible tasks of replacing them. And no guarantee that they will arrive before school. And NO help from the federal social security office. Their website says "Sure, documents from the doctor or religious certificates like baptism, for example, are just fine." The customer service representative says, "Gee, hmm, I don't know if those will fly. Call the local office." NO PHONE NUMBER FOR THE LOCAL OFFICE. Yeah, the website says try the customer federal government number before you COME IN. I JUST TRIED THEM. THEY ARE WORTHLESS FOOLS WHO CONTROL OUR RETIREMENT, SO START STUFFING YOUR MATTRESSES WITH CASH!

And all my kids are in time out. They've been neglected all morning while I've been on the phone with the STUPID STUPID government. I've locked myself in my room while they scream because the voice-recognition feature of the social security office keep saying, "I"m sorry. I didn't understand your answer." Yeah, because "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!" isn't a standard answer in the social security department.

Forgive any typos in this blog. I'm typing with m;y eyes shut b/c I'm crying so much. Nobody call or come over. I've got a dear friend on the way.

Sunday Stress

Since we had an unscheduled week out of town, I am beginning to freak out about upcoming events. I still have to register Claire for kinder, which requires the location of all kinds of ridiculous and important documents. I'm surprised they don't ask for the pregnancy test. Here's the actual, factual list:

Birth certificate
Social security card
Immunization record (they've just added new shots, so crap.)
Deed, lease or mortgage agreement
Current utility bill
Texas drivers license

See what I mean?

So, I'm currently postponing all planning and looking for a way to escape the house.

Saturday Seven

Inspired by Court's blog, here are seven things I really liked about this week:

1. Coming home!
2. Doing some living family history.
   
3. Eight girl cousins sitting on the couch in a row captivated by "Beauty and the Beast."
4. Monopoly Deal.
   
5. Not puking.
   
6. Constellation exhibit at the Tulsa Zoo (yes, I liked something at a zoo.)
7. Sleeping with my son.
   

Catharine Mary Brown Ruggles

Andy's grandmother passed away early Sunday morning. We are here in Bartlesville, Oklahoma for her funeral. It's the first grandparent Andy has been close to that has passed away, so please keep him in your thoughts.

Grandma Ruggles was a firecracker! She was 86 when she passed, and she still lit up a room. I'm thankful I got to be part of her family for that past 10 years, and I'm so glad that my kids got to see her a few times. She welcomed me into the family with love and friendship - she shared so many family history stories. I'm especially grateful for that since it is part of my children's heritage. I love that I'll be able to tell them stories that their great-grandmother told me.

The really incredible part of this trip is that almost everyone in Andy's family is here for the funeral! Of his 7 siblings, only Adam who, is on a full-time mission in South America, is absent. Even his sister who lives in South Africa is serendipitously in the country at this time.

So, Andy and his siblings and cousins are having fun hanging out, and my kids and their second cousins are hanging out. And I am having fun hanging out with everyone.

So, we'll see everyone on Sunday. Love you guys!

I'm getting really excited about...

...my brother's wedding in August! (Dang! I still need to buy my plane ticket!)

Hey, New Sister in Law - my Already Sister in Law saw your picture, and she called me just to tell me how utterly gorgeous you are. I concur. In fact, I told her how you are even more beautiful in real life. Honestly, David, you are awesome, but still - how'd you score this one?!



I'm also really excited about buying school supplies. Love it, love it, love it.


Anybody know why Kathleen Turner is uncredited in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" Jessica Rabbit isn't in the credits anywhere. I can't find out on google or bing or wikipedia or imdb. What is up with that??

I really am here, somewhere.

I'm not depressed, and I'm in a regular mood. But I'm just not up to blogging. Nothing to say. I was out of meds for 4 or 5 days, and I'm sure this is in response to the dip in the levels in my brain. Whatev. I'm in a good mood, so I don't care. I guess just a bit non-functioning, but not in a devastating way. Just in a, well, blogging sense? My internet has been screwy, and so has my phone, so I just don't mess with it.

My days, if you care, consist of hanging out and running small errands. I've been to the library. Oh, Gabe wears underwear during the day at home (while not sleeping), so I'm pumped. He's either totally stoked or completely nonchalant. I don't know why. Perhaps he is humoring me by showing excitement. Stinker. Mostly, he likes to be naked. He sits around all day naked on the nonchalant days. At least he uses the potty. When he wears a pullup, he doesn't use the potty. Stinker.

Internal temperature: Okay with the way I look. Okay with my social life. Having fun with the kids. Not cooking one blasted thing. Not showering much, but what's new. At least I brush my teeth.

I guess I do have things that are noteworthy in my life, but they are (surprisingly) not bloggable. Too private. And that's saying something, b/c I tell all here. I know that's a teaser, sorry. I can talk about it in real life if you are dying, but I promise you will be like, "Huh. Well, boring."

Man, that is one paragraph I'd delete if not for the non-delete rule. If I'm not saying something, I should just not say it. I'm usually good at that. For example, if a sentence is going to start with "needless to say," then I don't say it. No offense to people who do complete the sentence. Often times, it isn't quite as needless to say after all.

Am I rambling? Geez. I'd go to bed, but I don't fall asleep these days. It makes me mad to even go through the motions. I feel gypped. I remember the days I could sleep like I was being paid overtime. Ahhh....

Actually, I've napped the past two days. I haven't done that in a long time b/c I was trying to sleep at night. Alas. Just like trying to lose weight over the past 2 years, it has been fruitless. And I'm a quitter, so I quit.

Well, that about sums it up. Here's a picture for those who only like posts with pictures:

I cracked my window with a tap shoe.

Yep. But it was justified. I was having a war with a wasp. He started it. I finished it. Collateral damage is to be expected.

WHERE ARE MY SERVANTS!?

Don't go to a resort. The return to reality is brutal. Where are my free refills? Where is my poolside service? WHO'S GOING TO CHANGE MY SHEETS?!

So, while a number of my friends are at Girl's Night Out, I am (still) in my pj's sitting forlornly at my computer. Andy's working late. The kids napped until 7 flippin' pm, so they are watching Cinderella.

My comic relief, which was very comic indeed, was Gabe drumming up a rousing chorus of "Ai yai yai!" Not the song; I don't think they've ever heard the song. I don't know where Gabe picked up the expression at all, but he sure did holler, "Charlotte! I-I-I!" and she screamed "Ai yai yai!" right back. Then, "Claire! I-I-I!" There was ai yai yai-ing and I-I-I-ing all through the fishsticks and corn. Little dude was splitting his sides over this game. I was just sitting there confused and amused. (Oh, wait! He's coming around the corner right now shouting, "I-I-I! I-I-I!" Weirdo.) What can I say?

Andy's car went into the shop yesterday¹. It was actually ready this morning, but later in the program you will hear why I declined getting up and taking him to the shop. So, he took my car. Turns out, this is the day we run out of toilet paper, milk, baby wash and shampoo, dish soap, and kid toothpaste. He will get home, eh, maybe 10ish? So late WalMart party. Woo hoo.

Now, to the night that made me decide a car was not worth waking up for: Gabe has figured out how to get out of his room. Once he learned to open doors, we started locking his room at night. The lock is on the inside, but, hey, he's little. But he ain't no dummy, so he's figured it out. And he kept coming downstairs last night. Argh. Finally, because I was nervous that one of these times he was going to fall down the stairs in a sleepy misstep, I stuck him in bed with us. We VERY rarely sleep with our kids. And certainly not all night. But, when it is 2am and a two-year old is stumbling into the living room with his eyes squinched shut against the light and a big smile on his face, a gal gets desperate. So, the night was spent in a half-sleep periodically slurring, "Gabe, lay down. Go to sleep." Totally sucky.

So, my command decision is to create an imaginary friend. Well, servant. And she is going to get me showered, changed, and in front of a lame late-night show just as soon as the kids go back down. Probably at 10. So, if any of you hear me talking to Beverly, don't even ask. She'll be busy bringing me dry towels by the pool.

¹Again. He doesn't think it's ever in the shop, but it totally is. So there.

I feel like I've been gone so long that I don't know what to say!

Two trips. That's what I've done. Thursday June 25th to Tuesday June 30: Family reunion in Provo. Man, I hate recounting stuff that most people don't care to hear play by play. SO...

Roadtrip - AWESOME. 3 sisters, one brother, straight through both ways (minus the brother on the return trip). I loved.

Baby blessing - AWESOME. My littlest brother blessed his first baby. Perhaps you remember the pix I put up of Miriam. We are in love. Plus she looks like me as a baby. It was very special. I mean, I LOVE that girl. And her parents.

Almost sister-in-law: AWESOME. We didn't get much time to visit, but who cares. It's easy to see how neat she is, and she is perfect for my brother. There will be time later to get to know her better, so that makes me feel less panicky. I know, panicky is weird. But I like to be close to the ol' fam. In case you haven't noticed my two sisters and uncle and cousins in the ward.

Extended family - really neat. I learned all about a branch of the family that I really didn't know anything about. My dad's mom's fam has some really cool history, and I loved meeting his cousins and their kids. Plus, all of Dad's siblings (eight kids in the family) were together for the first time in, like, 25 years. It was really neat. Much food and socializing. Of course, the masses and masses of socializing were difficult for me, but once I got there I had a great time.

Provo - Okay, this part is crappy. That is the worst place on earth. And the vortex of horror is BYU campus. And the reunion took place on campus. I damn near had a breakdown. Okay, I had a breakdown. Listen, that is the place and the time of my life that I had the worst time, felt the very worst about myself, and have the very worst memories of. It was really hard to be there. I was pretty sick in the stomach. HOWEVER, I have awesome sisters who stood by me and were very encouraging and complimentary (and hated on Provo in a show of solidarity). And by the end, those feelings were resolved. I came out on the other side. I still don't care for that place. At all. At all all all. But I am not a jellified mess, and it isn't the black underworld any longer. So, the Lord is amazing, because that really is a miracle. I could go back there and be just fine.

NEXT TRIP

Thursday July 2 to Sunday July 5. Andy and I had what Leslie calls a "love trip" for our 10th anniversary. We've never gone away together since we've had kids. We went to a resort and spa in Bastrop (near Austin). It was Hyatt Lone Pine something. Everything about it was ridiculously fabulous. We had a few folks up in the church today tell us we were glowing. Well, yeah! We had the most fun! I will now brag on it:

This place is all about the Texas experience. The whole place was decorated with Texas history. I love that stuff. There was a great pool with a lazy river (everyone know what that is?) and a slide and a beach area and an adult pool and a bar and, well, it goes on. We spent some time out there, you can bet. The waiters refill your drinks and you can order food that is brought to you right there in your lounge chair! I know I sound crazy, but I felt rich and famous. There are these green water bottles you can buy (which we were actually given by the people who told us to go to this resort), and you get FREE REFILLS wherever you go in the resort. FREE DRINKS ALL WEEKEND! AND free s'mores at night. Here are the two drawbacks: Pepsi, not Coke (uh, what in thuh?!), and no free internet. Alright, back to the grand time. We went horseback riding, watched a couple of movies, did I mention the pool? And then: I went to the spa!! It was fan-freakin'-tastic! Fan-FREAKING-tastic! Officially, I had the "botanical purification ritual." Whatever - that amounts to me cramming in as much stuff as possible for one price. You know, cuz you can have facials, mani-pedis, massages, etc. So, mine was a body scrub followed by a volcanic body mask. Then I was wrapped in all sorts of sheets and towels and plastic (cozy, not claustrophobic). Then my feet were rubbed for a hundred years. Then, I showered off all the goop and got a massage with moisturizing lotion! Ta da! Perfect! My skin was so soft and smelled so good (and apparently detoxed by the geranium essence they used). I didn't want to go back to the pool and ruin it. But, I couldn't resist. Did I mention there was a slide?

This place was full of families. Kids everywhere. It made me miss my babies. The place is perfect for families and reunions and whatnot. There was even a bride and groom checking in. They must all be loaded. We are really lucky to have gotten this special trip. Ahhh, amour!

That's it. Andy and I aren't picture takers, but we tried. If I ever get them, I'll post them. Don't hold your breath.

Oh wait! I fell asleep during my footrub in the spa, and I woke myself up with my own snoring. Very classy.

Tag from the Past, Lori

Been arrested? -- No
Been in a fight? -- Yes
Fallen fast for someone? -- Yes
Regretted a relationship? -- Yes
Been in a tornado? -- No
Stayed in bed all day? -- Yes
Kissed someone you didn't like? -- Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? -- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? -- Yes
Held a snake? -- Yes
Ran a red light? -- Yes
Been suspended from school? -- Yes
Experienced love at first sight? -- No
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? -- No
Been fired from a job? -- No
Fired somebody? -- No
Sang karaoke? -- Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? -- No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? -- Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? -- Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? -- Yes
Kissed in the rain? -- Yes
Swam in the ocean? -- Yes
Been to a concert? -- Yes
Laughed till you cried? -- Yes
Kissed on the first date? -- Yes
Had a close brush with death (your own) -- No
Played spin-the-bottle? -- Yes
Sang in the shower? -- Yes
Smoked a cigar? -- No
Sat on a rooftop? -- Yes
Smuggled something into another country? -- No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? -- Yes
Broken a bone? -- Yes
Skipped school? -- Yes
Got a speeding ticket? -- Yes
Eaten a bug? -- Yes
Sleepwalked? -- No?
Walked a moonlit beach? -- Yes
Rode a motorcycle? -- Yes
Dumped someone? -- Yes
Seen a baby born? -- Yes
Lied to avoid a ticket? -- Yes
Ridden in a helicopter? -- No
Shaved your head? -- No
Played a prank on someone? -- Yes
Hit a home run? -- No
Felt like killing someone? -- No
Cross-dressed? -- Yes
Been falling-down drunk? -- No
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? -- Yes
Eaten snake? -- No
Marched/Protested? -- Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? -- No
Puked on an amusement ride? -- No
Seriously and intentionally boycotted something? -- Yes
Been in a band? -- No
Knitted or crocheted? -- Yes
Been on TV? -- No
Shot a gun? -- Yes
Skinny-dipped? -- Yes
Gave someone stitches? -- No
Eaten whole habenero pepper? -- No
Ridden a surfboard? -- No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? -- Yes
Had surgery? -- No
Streaked? -- No
Been taken by ambulance to hospital? -- No
Passed out when not drinking? -- Yes
Peed on a bush? -- No
Donated Blood? -- Yes
Grabbed electric fence? -- No
Eaten alligator meat? -- Yes
Eaten cheesecake? -- Yes
Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? -- Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? -- Yes
Peed your pants in public? -- Yes
Snuck into a movie without paying? -- No
Written graffiti? -- No
Still love someone you shouldn't? -- No
Think about the future? -- Yes
Been in handcuffs? -- Yes
Believe in love? -- Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? -- Yes

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

RULES:

Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.

NO CAPTIONS!!!

It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.

They must ALREADY be on your hard drive - no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past.

They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to.

You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like."

*************

Trash TV

I've got a love-hate cycle with the garbage on the boob tube. I go for months not being able to even watch the previews. Can't force myself through five minutes of a show. Am disgusted at the idea of them being entertainment.

And then, today comes. Today, my erstwhile trash has become my treasure! I don't know what causes the switch, but switch it did. I watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey which I've not done at all. I mean, I gave it a shot when it first began, but I couldn't even do one episode then. Furthermore, today I was totally into two episodes of the horrible Millionaire Matchmaker. It's awful. I don't know how long it has been on, but I've never even tried to watch it before. So, I don't know why I was all over it today. It's not good. Don't try it. But I'll watch it again.

Bravo is the channel for trash tv. They've got everything. Well, not EVERYTHING. I have a rating system, apparently, that allows me to grade Bravo trash at the upper end of the scale. VH1 has the scummiest trash, and I will not watch it. Go figure.

Oh, oh, wait! I forgot - I also was glued to NYC Prep today. On the Bravo trash scale, it's at the lower end. It's a bunch of decadent, disgustingly rich, undisciplined, megalomaniac teenagers. It's like a terrible movie full of terrible people. Like, what was that movie with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillipe that was a retelling of "Dangerous Liasons?" Let me google it... Oh - Cruel Intentions. It's like that. FYI - both movies are R. I watched the first one in the middle of my R-watching era. I saw the second one on Saturday Cinema. You people really need to spend some low-quality time with Saturday Cinema.

I'm Dopey

Primary Activity Day was today, and I am glad it is over. Not that it wasn't good and fun, because it was quite. I love getting to do music with actual kids again. And this is why: I act a total fool. I mean TOTAL. I don't know how it happens, but I am blind to the grown-ups in the room, and I play to the kids entirely. It is amazingly fun for me. Probably more fun for me than for the kids. But the stress and planning are over, and it is nice to relax a little.

FOLLOWING IS AN EXPLANATION OF PRIMARY ACTIVITY DAY AND MY INVOLVEMENT.
Just skip it if you know.

Okley dokley. In the LDS church, a congregation is called a ward. A bunch of wards together is a stake. This is all arranged geographically, so you just go to the ward that your area belongs to. Okay, so Primary is the children's Sunday School meeting. The kids meet as a group for a gospel lesson and a singing time, then they go to their individual classes (by age). I was the Primary Chorister in my ward a couple of years ago. BEST CALLING EVER. Oh, the positions you function in are called callings because we are called of the Lord. The leaders of, say, the Primary pray about who should fill the position. When the Spirit helps them pick a name, they submit it to the bishop. The bishopric prays about it, and if they feel the spirit telling them that person is called to that position, then the calling is extended to that person.

Okay, all the positions in the church are voluntary. You can decline a calling. Since there are no clergy, all positions are filled by those who are called and accept. Those persons hold the calling for however long. Then, whenever it happens, they are released from the calling. You never know how long you will serve in the position. Keeps you on your toes.

Alright, now: I was released from Primary Chorister (so sad!!!) and called to be the Stake Primary Music Leader. That means that I help the Primary Choristers in each ward with support and ideas and direction. It's a great calling, and I really like it, but I don't work directly with the children anymore.

The stake Primary board (President, 2 counselors, music lady, and nursery lady) plan and execute one activity day a year. Lots of fun and excitement and crafts and relays and whatnot. (The wards have them a few times a year, too.) SO, at this Primary Activity Day, it was stake, and I got to have a music activity directly with the kids, and it was super super super for me.

BACK TO ME BEING FOOLISH

I jumped. I hollered. I danced the Elaine. I sweat like an aerobics class. Can I get a witness! I did not think once about it. I did not feel one drop of embarrassment or inhibition or self-consciousness.

So, I think that I have a talent. I mean, it is so easy for me to do this with kids. I do it without noticing most of the time. Like, when the fire alarm went off at the gym, and all the scared little kids had to vacate to the cold parking lot, I just started playing with them, and they liked it. I think I sang some sort of Twinkle or Five Little Ducks or something. (I think I got 5 words in before we got the all-clear to go back inside, but I count it anyway.) I usually sing. Kids respond to singing. So, acting the fool works for me. Especially since I don't care what the grown-ups think. Kids like it. I've mentioned before that a trip to the grocery store with the kids is a circus in a basket. Loud singing and hand clap games and fake crying. Oh, fake crying usually stops real crying. Try it out. We take turns.

So, I feel good about myself. Yay callings!

Man, I should be asleep

And therefore I'm blogging. My REALLY awesome family surprised me twice today with Route 44 cokes. Which I really needed because...

...Charlotte has acquired some funky rash. At first, I thought it was mosquito bites. Then, hives (she has a history). Finally, when she woke up with a fever and lethargy and aches and "my eyes burn and I can't open them," I made an appointment. That last one pretty well freaked me out.

So, the doctor says probably some undetermined virus. Treat the symptoms. Motrin and Benadryl and rest and water. She is one of those kids that is a really awesome patient, thank goodness. Except I can't answer her questions. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to be finding out why fevers make you feel cold.

Of course, my imagination the whole way to the pede's office had me shaking her awake every time I saw her eyes close in the rearview. What's the matter with me? I think my Claire looks like that girl in "The Ring." Gabe looks like a planet on a toothpick. And Charlotte is too gorgeous to survive a rash. Geez. Maybe I should lay off the scary movies?

Speaking of...

I saw a freakin' awesome movie last night on TCM. LOVE that station. Okay, so it is called, "The Bride Wore Black," and it is Hitchcockian. This lady tracks down 5 guys she thinks are responsible for the death of her husband on their wedding day. I will not give spoilers, other than to say murder murder murder. Just rent it. With subtitles, though, because it's in French. But I forget that when I think about it b/c it was so good. Of course, I watched "Scream, Blacula, Scream," so you may not trust me. But if you like Hitchcock, you'll like it.

And, segue to good things on tv, I just watched the funniest Ricky Ricardo moment on "I Love Lucy" that I've ever seen. Ricky tells Little Ricky "Little Red Riding Hood" in Spanglish, with voices and actions. Mama packed Little Red Riding Hood's basket with frijoles, tortillas, and vino. I bet Cuban Grandma loves that girl.

Claire was a duck

She had a tap recital, and she did the whole thing, and she was good at it, and I was a little teary. I was waiting until I had pictures, but I don't take pictures. I'll have to get them off my family at some point.

Anyway, the point is that she LOVED the stage. L.O.V.E.D. Started a tiny little smile as soon as it was time to line up backstage. And this after worrying for months about how scary it would be with everyone watching her. Man, she is itching for another dance. She wants to continue lessons now that she got a taste for the show.

She sat the rest of the recital demanding to return to the stage. She was waiting for curtain call, but she did not think that should be at the end. She was only one of two ducks that stuck it out to the end, but she insisted. There was no way she was going to miss the big finale. She even got roses. Born diva.

She reminds me of me. Yipes.

Incidentally, I was a skunk. So was Sarah.

Another perk of giving blood

Free cholesterol screening. Mine is down 20 points. So, awesome.

And, I'm not being facetious here, the ultimate perk is the saving of lives. It feels really really great.

I gave blood today

And I got a free t-shirt. I think I've discovered the solution to my shopping hatred. I can get a new shirt quarterly, no shopping, no spending, no picking it out. Perfect.

The BBC reckons most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do you measure up?

Ha! Fifty-two!

X 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
X 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
X 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
X 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
X 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
X 6 The Bible-
X 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
X 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
X 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
X 11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
X 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
X 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
X 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
X 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
X 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot X
X 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
X 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
X 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy -
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
X 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
X 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
X 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
X 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
X 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
X 34 Emma - Jane Austen
X 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
X 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
X 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
X 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
X 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
X 44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
X 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
X 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
X 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
X 52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
X 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
X 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
X 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
X 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
X 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
X 72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
X 73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
X 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
X 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
X 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
X 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
X 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Alborn
X 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
X 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
X 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
X 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
X 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
X 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo