I do little more than sleep and sit around, so I am feeling better. Then I found a desiccated lizard in the window seat of my bedroom. Right behind my pillow. Where I rest my head at night. It is black. The eyeballs are gone. So is the cozy feeling I have when I lay in my bed.

I am considering venturing back into the world. Clean something, like my car. Harris rests his feet on six inches of garbage in my car every day after school. Perhaps my room. I don't know how long it takes a dead lizard to dry up, turn black, and lose it's eyeballs, but probably long enough to show that I need to clean in there. But Andy will have to remove the carcass first. Plus, I found some peppermint taffies from Christmas on my bedside table just now. Yay for me, but seriously.

Still allergic and even pissier

I swear I blew my nose so much yesterday that my neck muscles are strained and sore. And I PROMISE if Gabe complains about one more thing I am going to scream at the top of my lungs for a solid minute until he hides from me.

Andy has a dinner meeting tonight, and I can't taste anything, so I don't know what I'll feed the kids for dinner. Probably McDonald's. And they will have to play upstairs because I can't take any bickering today. Gabe pushed me off the edge of a chair today, and then fell off it himself, and expected me to feel sorry for him. Hell to the no. He cried in his room until he was ready to apologize to me. He wasn't hurt, other than his ego, but I was. My fat self bruised my tailbone.

Anything else to complain about? I guess I better list a bunch of damn positives now:

• I can breathe slightly better today than yesterday.
• I found a black cherry soda hiding in the fridge.
• Gabe took a nap. Not that it helped. Crap - another positive: my cell phone is charged (?)
• I still have a library book to read.
• My show is on tonight.

That's all peeps.

Less smiley today

15 hours of sleep, as wonderful as they were, do not last all weekend. And I am apparently allergic to spring, so it was a tough night. Itchy throat, ears, nose, and lips. Blocked up head. Sore throat from sleeping with my mouth open. Argh. I keep trying to tell Gabe that I'm sick, but not REAL sick, but he doesn't get it. I can't wait for his buddies to get here so he has someone else to talk to.

In other news, I FINALLY got to meet our cousin's baby Jasper! HE IS SO CUTE! All eyes, that one. It was fun to snuggle him. Charlotte loved holding him so much, and she was pretty good at it, too. Gabe just wanted Jasper's daddy's attention the whole time, and Claire wanted to play with the dog.

Well, I am going to plunk down on the couch with tissues and moan for awhile.

Ask me why I'm smiling

BECAUSE I GOT 15 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Update in photos

Here's the first kid who had to give me a positive statement after she boobed and crapped about homework:

She sat their a full 9 minutes (I timed her on my phone) before she begrudgingly mumbled, "I like ice cream."

Here's the second kid who had to give me a positive statement after he moaned and groaned about dinner:

He only sat for 4 minutes before he said, "Ice cream."

That is apparently the go-to for positives with my kids. Charlotte didn't have to sit in any sort of time-out before shouting out "ice cream."

Liz and I actually, factually made the 14-layer chocolate cake. It tastes so much better than it looks. And it looks awesome.

Y'all see how it bleeds chocolate? Yummmmmmmmmm!

First Day of School After Spring Break Sucks

My phone alarm didn't go off. Again. We woke up at 8:10. That's when school starts. I had to bully Claire into eating Honey Nut Cheerios since they were all we had but aren't her favorite. Then I realized my keys were lost. Crap. Andy was already gone for work. I realized they might be in my purse. Which was locked in the car. Fortunately, Andy keeps a spare key. However, it is a trick key. It only unlocks the door and sets off the (very loud) alarm. It doesn't start the car. What the crap, right? Besides, my keys weren't in the purse in the car.

Argh.

I found them on the bedside table after calling Liz for a ride to school. The kids tattled on me to the front desk lady when they were waiting for their tardy slips that it was all my fault.

I went to Sarah's and cried.

Then I went shopping and bought Virgil's Cream Soda and chocolate bars.

I think things are looking up.

The funniest part is I am sick of my kids' negative outlook on life (I wonder where it came from????) I'm informing them at family home evening that the word CAN'T is banned from our home, and for every negative they say, they have to state a positive.

What can I say - it's gonna suck.

First day of spring break sucks.

It's storming outside, which is fine by me but the kids are irritable about staying cooped up. My seasonal allergies are in full swing regardless of medication, so I feel grumbly and itchy. And I read all my library books from Thursday already.

So, the kids are bickering and fussing. I am loathe to haul them out in the car during this weather. Lucky for me, my fancy new Kitchenaid has butter softening in the bowl for cookies. That is good for 3 batches of happiness. After that I don't know what we'll do. Maybe Movie-A-Day should be on the menu. Of course, that sounds like loads of fighting about movie choice, but we'll see. They haven't watched The Princess and the Frog in awhile, and they really like that one.

Of course, if I send them upstairs to play (or clean), then I can watch tv. And since I don't have a book, that sounds like my preference. We'll see what happens.

In other news, I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday, as usual :) I went to the beach with my family on Saturday, and it was so beautiful. Plus, I had hush puppies at lunch, and I LOVE hush puppies! Liz made a cookie cake for me and Ethan to share since his birthday is only 2 days after mine. It was delish. And Ethan is always so sweet about sharing.

Okay, that's it.

Don't let my kids write your job description

They informed me all I do is sleep, watch tv, play on the computer, read and eat doughnuts. Their explanation for the laundry, groceries, meals, homework, etc? Magic.

This was spear-headed by Claire. Methinks she now wants to be a mom when she grows up. Let's not tell her the truth. Her surprise will be the best payback.

Claire is one savvy girl

I was doing math homework with Claire today. She was working on a word problem:
"Kristen is having a birthday party. Add what she bought for her four friends."
Claire says, "She bought her friends stuff on her birthday? Dang, she's nice."
The problem continues:
"For Cassie, she bought the car and the frisbee." Now Claire has to find the prices and add them. She continues for a couple of problems, working diligently, when I hear her mutter under her breath, "Why can't they just have the money?" Yes, indeed - why can't they? Isn't that what any kid would prefer over a lovely gift? I didn't laugh out loud even though the highest total Kristen spent on her friends was 9 cents. Apparently Claire finds that way more interesting than the watch and kite the money purchased. And where is this magical store where you can get a watch for a nickel anyway? No wonder kids think money grows on trees. School is teaching them some severely skewed pricing on merchandise. And don't think she'll forget it - this is Claire we are talking about. She is going to find a nickel on the dryer one day and march herself up to the counter at Walmart with a watch and an expectation.

That is not the most exciting thing to happen today, however. The most exciting thing was the arrival of my birthday present from my parents:


TA DA!!!!
Isn't she beautiful? Today she kneaded bread for me. I think tomorrow she will be mixing up some chocolate chip cookies. Later this week she will be making a 14-layer cake for me:


Courtesy of www.bakerella.com. Mine won't look this fantastic, so I'm just going to pretend this is a picture of my finished product. I'll let y'all know how it tastes.