I went shopping.

I actually wish Liz would write about so I don't have to. I made her and our sister Mary go with me, stay with me in the dressing rooms, evaluate the clothes, and basically pick them all out for me. The good parts were the chocolate covered cheesecake brownie and the large coke. And the company, of course. And losing the keys (we found them in the shopping bag after checking the bag. To be fair, we only did the jingle test - shake the bag, listen for the keys to jingle.) And losing the car (we found it where we had left it, of course, so maybe it was more like losing us in the parking lot.)

I like shoe shopping, actually, but I don't ever buy anything because I don't have clothes to go with them. But I usually find tons that I love. This time was no different. I found tons. Bought I actually bought one and a half pair. You heard me. Liz and I split the cost of one fabulous pair of heels.

Anyway, I did buy clothes. Two church outfits consisting of skirts, sweaters, and tanks. An extra tank for "variety" as they say. Two pair of jeans. A pair of earrings and a bracelet. That was just for fun. Oh, and a pair of shoes for Gabe that I just remembered are still in the bag. Easiest purchase of the night. Except the food.

Now I don't have to shop again for five years. Those zippers better last. I mean, it couldn't have anything to do with the 20 pounds I've gained since I bought the skirt.

Here are the shoes fabulous enough to own half of. I couldn't get all the fabulousness into the picture, but trust me, these shoes are powerful. And surprisingly comfortable.

Shopping

[Update: I was up until 5 am on the last post so I didn't take my kids to the dentist at all. Thanks for asking.]

Ok, I am blind, I am deaf, I have one church outfit, and yesterday the zipper busted. I sound like a friggin' Halmark special event. The point is, I am scheduling a day for an eye test, a hearing test, and then shopping to cover my Sunday self. About time, I say. Maybe at the next girls' night out I won't have to squint and cup my hands around my ears the whole time. One can always dream.

Regarding shopping, I can't stand it. "Loathe" comes to mind. Every aspect of it. I hate clothes in general. I hate picking them out and trying them on and spending the money on them. And then I hate getting dressed. I don't want options. I don't want to "mix and match." That's why the one church outfit - or uniform, if you will - worked great for me. Ideally, I would have seven complete outfits hanging in my closet - including accessories and shoes and bag. And, of course, seven lovely sets of pjs - my outfit of choice. Side note: I really like to have only one of everything. One pair of flip flops, one pair of tennies, one bra, etc. I just can't keep up with stuff. I currently have three pair of flip flops, two pair of tennies, and two bras. But I can only find one of each, so it is basically the same.

I'm really annoyed with that zipper because I've only washed that skirt TWICE. I was very very careful with it. I only wore it 3 hours a week. I didn't eat in it. I didn't sleep in it (surprisingly). This is such crap. And I paid, like, $60 for it! Rip off.

Should I ever be on "What Not to Wear," - which I would loathe and probably decine - but if I were, I would show those two idiots the clothes I bought with their $5000, and then return it all and put floors in my house. Floors don't care what you wear.

Oh, and that's the other thing. I hate all that clothes crap, but it really sucks not to have anything to wear. A lose-lose situation. Can't be a nudist, can't stand buying clothes. That's why I want the seven outfits scenario. And a personal shopper. Who just picks it out, and I like it, and it actually fits, and it is modest, and we don't have to talk about it. I also loathe talking about clothes.

And, while I'm thinking about it, here's another pet peeve. I cannot stand those internet sites that advertise modest clothing, and then it's all the same stuff at the mall! Those dresses to the knee will show everything when I bend over just as much as a dress from Kohl's. Those long cap-sleeved t-shirts are just as tight and often too short or too low-cut to fit the bill. So, what is that? Stupid, that's what.

Random

I'm writing this post immediately after the last post, but I can't get this crap out of my mind in order to go to sleep. But I'm setting the timer to post it some other time because I just posted. Dumb. And kinda funny, I guess.

• When waiting for a page to load, I try to position my mouse where I think a button or link will be on that page. I'm usually very close. I feel proud of that, like it is a valuable contribution to society. Anyone else?
• Where are all my pens? I keep buying them and they keep disappearing! My kids are like squirrels - they hoard things up in tiny places. So, where are they?
• Are there any delinquent teenagers on my block who stare in at me while I blog at night? I mean, I'm right here in front of the big window facing the street. And if there are, do they think I am pitiful while I play Digby's Donuts?
• Evidenced by the real housewives of New York, the fountain of youth is found in a nanny and a chef and an almost inexhaustible income and a maid. Poor Ponce de Leon.
• I really liked learning about Ponce de Leon in school. I don't know why Cabeza de Vaca didn't make the cut. And screw Lewis and Clark.
• I will worry all night that I misspelled a word on somebody's blog.
• Will being hungry keep me up? I always choose sleep over food. But it is keeping me up now. Will I think about it all night? Shouldn't I just eat? Argh.
• Maybe I should reschedule the dentist since the kids are still up. And me. I hate rescheduling. Will they have a meltdown? I hate appointments.
• Oh crap, I forgot to do my timesheets. Damn! I can't keep forgetting! Do I have any blank ones?
• Ask Andy to pay the bills this month. I just can't. Hey Andy, pay the bills!
• Is he asleep up there with Claire? No, I hear her talking. This is ridiculous.
• I think there is a mosquito in the room.
• Every time I close my eyes I see Digby's Donuts.
  

That's it. I hope nothing else pops into my head so I can sleep for a whole six hours. And I've gotta eat something. Cereal or peanut butter?

My life is so much better than "The Real Housewives" series.

But that is one entertaining show. Really three shows if you watch Orange County, NYC, and Atlanta. Whenever I catch them, I am amused and appalled. Shallow, immature, back-stabbing, poor parenting - it's very junior high with tons more money and, hopefully, kids.

I'm short on nice mom things today. I was quite impatient the entire day. The only part that was really great was homework time. Harris (my nephew for those who don't know him) comes over and he and Charlotte do their work during the same hour or two. Charlotte complained a little, but she was able to do the work without guidance. Hurray! Harris worked hard and flew through his spelling, vocab, reading, and 4 math sheets. I get pretty outraged about the amount of work. He's a first grader for crying out loud! Well sometimes he cries out loud. Sometimes so do I. But today he really accomplished it all within one hour and a good attitude! Plus, the library book he brought over, "My Splendid Friend," was just splendid. Short sentences, few pages, fun pictures, great message. What more can you ask for? Oh, and I'm not being sarcastic about homework time being great. I really do love it. I love it when my other nieces and nephews ask for help. I don't know why.

Tomorrow is dentist day. First time for the girls. Today I lied and told Charlotte that I rescheduled it for another time. I didn't want her up all night with anxiety like she was the night before going to the pediatrician to have her warts looked at. No guilt. Normally, the only advance notice my kids get is about one hour. I can't deal with them stressing and asking "what time" all day and all that mess. And when they get the info early somehow, I get a little peeved. Anticipation is the bane of mothering my kids.

Claire had all sorts of breakdowns tonight. Serious. Ask Leslie - she witnessed. But she sure stopped crying long enough to ask if I put a picture of her on the computer. Little diva. So, in her honor...

The rest of Sunday

I was so mad I couldn't even post it yesterday. And just so you know, NO soft tacos. Dad made mac n' cheese while I ignored them all.

The crowning event of the day was Charlotte breaking the living room window. I was very calm. She was terrified. No, she didn't get hurt. She was climbing on the furniture which is a clear breaking of rules, so she punished herself with guilt. The bugs came on in until Andy and his brother Craig put in some plywood (with the help of our home teacher who was the only sane man in the house.) I can't write all the irritation here. Let's just say that I stabbed a balloon with a pair of scissors in front of everyone because the kids were fighting over it. They lost their minds on that one. I could go on and on about the little irritations and arguments and whatnot. I was cussing by the end, to be sure.

Today was better because, honestly, it couldn't get worse without someone getting institutionalized. But I feel very sick (thank you, PMS), so I am just blah on the couch. Well, I mean, I was on the couch until I came in here to blog. Um, and play Digby's Donuts. So goodnight, y'all. Chicago can't run on no donuts.

I meant high cholesterol, not blood pressure.

I hate it when I mis-type.

Ok, other than that dour subject...

Fun mom thing of yesterday: let the kids paint.

Also, we went to a birthday party at BounceU. I've never been, and I rather dread kids' parties (y'all know about my social anxiety and my kids-will-be-harmed paranoia). Well, I am strongly considering having Andy's party at BounceU ;) That much fun! For those who don't know, BounceU is a giant inflatable playland. Like those Moonwalk bouncers but to the max. Giant slide, obstacle course, boxing ring. Blast!

In the car on the way home from church I informed my thankless family that I am no longer speaking to them. Andy laughed. The kids didn't notice or care. I'm sticking by it. I'm offering to make soft tacos for lunch, and I'm scorned. Andy's telling me I'm wrong and he's right (always a bad decision). Worthless. I'm going to sit on the couch while they all nap and enjoy the solitude. They'll be lucky if I'm speaking to them at dinner. And the soft taco offer is off the table.

Health stuff, and then one other paragraph at the bottom.

Fun mom thing of the day: Had picnic lunch on front lawn. (McD's on a blanket.)

Well, apparently I have high blood pressure, or so says the Gulf Coast Regional Blood Center on my little Commit for Life card I got in the mail today. Not borderline, either. Ugh.

Fortunately, my preferred doctor is on my new insurance plan, so I am making an appointment for him to do the whole work-up. You know, blood sugar, thyroid, blah blah blah... I know this is good. I feel nervous, of course. My major health issues have always resided inside my brain. Or, you know, pregnancy, which is a whole 'notha animal.

In fact, I barely have a doctor. I have my OB/GYN that I use as an OB only. And I have the Shrinky-Dink. And then there is Dr. Shaffer. I think my mom calls him our "family doctor" or something like that, but I never went to the doctor when I was middle or high school age that I can remember, so I didn't know him. I first went to him to get some Prozac when I was nursing Claire. I went back for a refill. That's it. Oh, I saw him running the Houston Marathon two years ago, but he didn't recognize me (go figure). And I like him. So, that's it.

On the other hand, I've never been to the pediatrician as much as I have this spring! I swear, they are sick of seeing me walk in the door, Charlotte is learning Chinese from him at this point (Dr. Yu, very sweet), and I have never been a very nervous mom regarding illness. I mean, I only take them in when I really think I need to. And that ain't much. Except for, apparently, this spring. This week I took Charlotte in for a wart epidemic all over her hands. I exaggerate. She has 5. I think they are disgusting. He told me to use those little medicated bandaids. Thanks a lot, dude. I mean, I didn't know if he would want to take them off or if there is some sort of concern to be had when they start popping up really fast, or if it is bad b/c they hurt her hands. But I felt a bit sheepish when they asked me, "What is Charlotte here for today?" and I said, "Warts. On her hands." I am ur idiot.

Charlotte is off at super-fun Grandma's Spring Break campout. SIGTBTF. (I just can't bear to read much less hear "She Is Getting Too Big Too Fast." But it is so true!) Claire and Gabe went to sleep at 11. And I have been playing Digby's Donuts all up in this place. LOVE IT! So, thank you David. And I have opened the store in Portland Maine and I just can't keep on top of all those blasted donuts! Why am I the one who closes the joint down if I drop 4 little donuts? Huh? What about the guy who is tossing out flaming charbroiled donuts every 10 seconds? How does he still have a job? I need to find a union.

I'm trying to be a fun mom

Which I actually am not so much, although I am a fun lady (at least when I am out having fun). I remember before having kids being very anxious and talking to Andy about how he needed to let the kids have fun and not be strict every second. He had some firm ideas. Turns out, he's really fun, and I'm strict and rigid about stuff. I'm trying to choose yes over no when my kids ask to do activities. I'm learning it isn't so painful, really.

I'm trying to build a happy memory bank to draw from when I can't remember or feel happy feelings. Today my kids and I sat on the couch with the tv off and read books. It was really fun. And I sat and read my book on the couch while they watched Scooby Doo. I love Scooby Doo. So do they, and that really thrills me.

Let me just say this: I like "Scooby Doo, Where Are You?" None of that Scrappy or "A Pup Named Scooby Doo" or any of that crap.

Back to the topic at hand: learning to be fun. What has actually helped is moving the kids clothes from my room to the upstairs hall closet. They are pretty pumped and scamper off to dress themselves and put away their clothes. It puts them upstairs away from the tv so they get interested in their own toys more often. So they are less bored. So they are less whiny and pestery. So I am more fun. Also, I am really trying to eat lunch at the table with them. I hate that. I hate going to the park, I hate going to the zoo, and I hate sitting at the table and eating lunch with the kids. It is pure torture. I don't know why. Maybe because I would like to take two bites together without some long explanation for some weird question ("Who builds trees?") or to settle some dispute or give directions to not use fingers and wipe up the spill and sit on your bum and clear your spot... endless. And I already do it at dinner. But I don't eat breakfast with them, so I figure I should do lunch. They like it, and so I am more fun.

Next more fun item: Gabe. He is at a really fun age. I get a huge kick out of him. Even his naughtiness has become pretty amusing. He tries to talk and therefore reason with me. I don't understand a lot of it, so he cocks his head to the side and kinda throws his palms up like he's a little exasperated with the idiot grown-up. And recently he has started pretending to sleep when we are getting on to him. I mean, standing straight up in the middle of the floor, he all of a sudden closes his eyes and puts on this fake sleep face and fake sleep breathing and slowly lowers himself to a sleeping position on the floor. And he giggles a lot when he gets in trouble, so that is better than screaming, yes? Anyway, that lightens the load.

So, I'm more tired by the end of the day, but I feel like it is more worthwhile and that I am feeling happier. That's big for me, folks. Happy doesn't come often, and when it does, it doesn't stick around long.

I slept most of the day

Hurray! And that is even after showering and dressing this morning. It was luxurious!

Yesterday my internet went funky. I was desperate. I resorted to playing the games that came with the computer. Actually, the "free trials" that came with the computer. They give you three times on a game, and then they take it away. You have to buy it if you want it. Well, I started playing this intensely dull and stupid virtual village game. And now it is gone. And I am wondering how my little villagers are doing. There were only 68 berries left on the tree! Did they find another foraging spot without my help? So not worth buying, but still. I think of them.

I really like spring break. This is the first year I've had a kid in school, and I wasn't sure I'd like having three kids at home again all week. Turns out, it is so great! I don't have to be up at any time. I don't have to be home at any time. I don't have to have clean laundry or baths or anything! Woo hoo! I am not good at structure.

Oh, I forgot to include one of the questions on Lori's tag yesterday: Who was the last person you hugged? It was Gabe. But that changes minute by minute. My kids have been pretty snuggly lately.

Tag to relieve Lori's boredom

5 things I can see without getting up

• Skein of very orange yarn - Charlotte and I have been doing Cat's Cradle and other string games for the past few days. I'm very proud of myself.
• IKEA boxes holding a wall cabinet that I have not put up. I keep waiting for the office floors to come out and all that.
• Grover family portrait from 2006. Fortunately, it's blurry from here so I don't criticize myself.
• Rolled up rug. Same as #2.
• Two mirrors. I guess that kinda negates my feelings about #3.

What are you wearing right now?

• Khaki capris, flip flops, t-shirt, and, amazingly, a bra.

Coke or Pepsi?

• Coke you sillies!

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?

• Memorizing all the presidents of the United States in order. I actually haven't started yet, but I obsess about it in my thoughts.

What would you most love to be doing right now?

• Sleeping. I'm bone tired. But I really would like to be sleeping on the beach.

What websites do you always visit when you go online?

• Google mail
• All y'all's blogs
• Webkinz (I don't want to hear it)
• MSN games (Bubble Town is the Bomb!)
• Hotmail

What was the last thing you bought?

• Thinking... thinking... I think it was earrings. Not that I've worn them.

What would you like to be listening to right now?

• Myself snoring.

What's the last song that got stuck in your head?

• "It Takes Two" from the musical Hairspray. I don't know why - I don't really like it.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

• Ability to start and stop time.

What is your favorite weather and why?

• Today. Sunny, not real hot, no mosquitoes.

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar. I like that it is portable. I like that it can rock out a little easier than the piano.

What book are you reading now?

• "Notes from Underground" by Dostoyevsky. Love it. Love most Russian literature that I've read, but not "Anna Karenina." I could not sympathize with the heroine.

Your dream career?

• Copy editor. I wanna red pen!

I know I keep changing my background

I keep trying out stuff, but really this is the one I like the best.

Recap

Thanks to all who made my birthday so fantastic! I felt very loved. Andy took the whole family to the beach to play all day. He rented a beach house so that we had somewhere to rest and eat and get all ready to hit the beach again. He also made me a fat dinner of hotdogs, sausage, shrimp, crab, and lobster. And all those who were able to come over and hang out Friday night, it was awesome! Thank you!!! It was pounds of chocolate and girl talk. Plus, the house got cleaned in preparation for it!

Ah, well. Back to the grind. I got a kid sobbing behind me b/c she was caught being naughty. I got dinner in the oven. Chicken biscuits. Charlotte will sing with joy, and Claire will take her one "no thank you" bite and gag. She'll just have to fill up with zucchini. We'll have the rest of the M&Ms (from that par-tay Fri-day) and then glorious glorious bedtime. I got a sister coming over to hang with me in a while. Perfect ending for the day!

So much to say!

Hey, I couldn't get an email on all you ladies, so if you like, please come over to my place tonight at 9ish for a "spontaneous" get-together of chatting. Nothing formal or arranged or required. I may not even clean.

I actually have some things to write, but then I feel like I have nothing to talk about tonight. Such is the state of my life.

I can't help it. Here it goes:
I ran out of laundry soap last night. Solution?


Dishwashing liquid. I ran out of that this morning. Solution?

Cascade gel tabs. I took a page out of Ethan's book.

FYI - soap is soap. It got the guck out. Plus, it's totally fragrance-free. Hurray! I'm all about that. That's a story for a whole different post. Okay, I'll tell you: I want EVERYTHING fragrance-free. I hate competing scents. Your shampoo smell, soap smell, deodorant smell, hairspray smell, lotion smell, laundry detergent smell, fabric softener smell, cleaning products, febreze, candles. Then you add your own perfume. GEEZ! It is the smell equivalent of a cacophony! I would prefer to smell my perfume and whatever scent I've chosen for my house. Oh, I did use fabric softener today in the hopes that it makes my house smell clean tonight :)

I wish I could create a line of products with compatible scents. ALL my house products. ALL my hygiene products. They wouldn't have to be exactly the same. But, you know, compatible. Maybe the lotion has the bottom note of the shampoo and conditioner smell, and the deodorant has the top note. (That lingo comes from my days selling Mary Kay. I learned about perfume. The first thing you smell is the top note, then you have the middle, then the last smell you pick up is the bottom note. So, compatible scents totally possible.) Same for laundry and cleaning supplies - they gotta be compatible with each other. Of course, I'd still mix in my fragrance-free stuff. I don't want to be overpowered. And then my febreze or glade plug-ins or candles don't get all smushed into the other smells.

Giveaway tag!

by me!

I saw a similar post on Sister Clutter's blog and I thought, "hey, this could be fun." So I decided to do it! I get a homemade gift, and I get the chance to make some gifts for friends.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. It'll be done this year. Hopefully sooner than later.
3. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be sewn, scrapbooky, baked, or it may be something totally random that I come up with on a whim. Who knows? Not you - until you receive your gift!
4. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? The catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. Let's get those homemade gifts going! So, the first 5 people to leave a comment telling me they are doing it also, will receive a gift - made with my two hands! (Although you may be taking your chances with that...)Be sure to post pictures of what you won when you recieve it!

It's about to be my birthday!!!

In, like, 45 minutes! I LOVE my birthday! I always have! I need nothing other than the knowledge that it is my birthday! I don't care if everyone forgets or I get no presents or I get no cake. I just love love love it!

Birthdays are important! The day we became mortal. The day we attained our second estate (those who don't understand that, email me for the Mormon crash course). I bet I was SO SO SO excited when I found out I was coming to earth! I bet my mom was excited not to be pregnant anymore.

By the way, Mom. Congratulations on having a bouncing baby girl 32 years ago! I am bouncing a little more now, well jiggling really, and I have had an excellent life. Thank you so much for giving it to me. Thank you for all the decisions you made that got me to this point. You really are an incredible mother. I think of you constantly as I try to mother in a good and loving manner. My childhood is the single solitary part of my life that I have absolutely zero bad memories of. None whatsoever. Thank you! Hey Dad, I seriously doubt you read this blog, but Mom does on the sly, so she can tell you that I say thank you! I bet it was crazy celebrating my birthday the first time. And I am so glad that you were there for that one and every one since then. I always felt safe and loved and understood. And, if I count the birthdays I've had with you, I'm not even thirty yet!

Rough Night

After a long day of headache, dizziness, and slight nausea brought on by dizziness came a long night. Here's the sitch:

My mom came over to rehaul the girls' room and an upstairs hall closet. THANKS MOM! We put all the hall closet storage into the girl's closet, then blocked their closet with a bed. In fact, both beds were moved around in the room. Then, we turned the hall closet into the girls' clothes closet. I can't even explain the uselessness of the closet in their room, so, if I don't want to keep all their clothes in my room forever (which is where they are and where I don't want them to be forever), this is a great option. The hall closets are huge. So, most of that time I spent laying down, sometimes elevating my legs, and eating protein while Mom worked.

When Charlotte got home from school, she was, of course, thrilled with her new room. Too bad I had crushing news: we were sorting and getting rid of many of her beloved stuffed animals. We had so so many, and it was ridiculous. The weeding out process:

"Okay everyone, grab all the puppies and put them on the floor. All the puppies, come on. No, not your bigpuppies, you can keep those (see how generous I am?). Okay, each of you can pick three."

This is where whimpering and crying comes in. There's a lot of, "But I love this one, too! I love them all, Momma, I don't want to!" Little did they know. I let them pick two kitties, but after that, just one of everything else: bunnies, dollies, weird leftovers like the tree frog, the turtle, the macaw. They started breaking down as we got to the end. If they couldn't give up something or another, they could trade it in for a toy they had already picked.

So, they were really doing pretty well. Minor tears. Helping me toss the rejects out into the hall. Discussions about the children who don't have as much as they do, and how we get to share and help. Blah blah blah. It all hit the fan when I started bagging those suckers up. I mean, they let loose. Wailing, sobbing, commiserating about how they won't live without the thousands of fluffballs in the hall. My mom had to come back from heading downstairs to try and help. She said, "Girls, if you don't stop I'm going to start crying!" It was that bad. I took the castoffs downstairs in a black trash bag, and the girls stayed in their room trying to talk each other into a better place.

That was the day. Kids recover pretty quickly (although a tearful Charlotte came up to me later and told me she will never forget those little guys.) After the hoopla, Gabe and I took a nap. I didn't wake up until seven, which totally screwed my evening plans. Andy was out of town, and I really wanted them to be in bed at seven. Well, I ordered pizza, I read scriptures, had prayers, read stories, sang, tucked in, and lights out at 8:30. And the ruckus began. I understand that being in a "new" room is exciting to tiny tots. They really weren't falling asleep. I went up a couple of times. I shouted up a couple of times. There were potty breaks and drinks of water. I was losing it.

When Andy is gone, I don't go to bed until everyone is well asleep. That would be 2 am this time, people. Yeah, I caught Claire sneaking around downstairs. ARGH! The result is that...

I woke up a 8am, the time kindergarten starts. Lucky for me, I had no real intentions of taking Charlotte to school. But the nurse left a message - they like the parents to let them know that their child is home. So, I called back.

Nurse - "Thank you for calling back. I hope Charlotte is feeling well."
Me - "She's fine. I'm sick."
Nurse - "I'm sorry to hear that!"
Me - "Me too. She's up there playing and I'm down here suffering. And that's exactly what I'll be putting on her note."

Fortunately, she laughed. I am actually not dizzy today, and my head is less painful (makes me sorry for you Lori), but it isn't worth taking her late. We will go get milk and toilet paper since the world can't go 'round without them, and then we'll survive until Andy gets home tonight.

And TONIGHT my show comes on, and he'll have full kid duty, so hurray! End in sight!

OH! I forgot the other thing which was keeping me up. It was a smell. It smelled yeasty, like bread dough. Which we have none of. I hunted and hunted. I lit a candle but started getting paranoid that the smell meant something bad was going on, so I blew it out. I took out all the trash and did the dishes (that's big, y'all), and I never found it. But I dreamed about it. And I dreamed that the dishes in the dishwasher kept coming out dirtier and dirtier everytime I washed them. Talk about a nightmare! It beats the one I had two nights ago where a lady in leather shot me full of bullets with a machine gun while I was laying on a driveway.

GNO TOMORROW

Potbelly's on 6 between 90 and 59, 7 o'clocko!

And the Shrinky-Dink says...

...up the meds! Yay for me!

She also said I should write an article to a woman's magazine to dispel the stigma surrounding mental illness. And that could lead to an appearance on Ellen and speaking engagements...

I told her my ultimate goal would be to confront prime time television on their stigmatizing mental illness in about every crime/medical drama they air. Anti-depressants in the medicine cabinet? CRIMINAL! SUICIDE! RUN AWAY! UNFIT MOTHER - QUICK, TAKE THE KIDS! She aptly pointed out that any psychiatrist on these shows and movies is always sleeping with a patient. Well, stigmatize the profession, you effectively stigmatize the illness. And the people who suffer with it. And those who are undiagnosed are deterred from seeking treatment.

And then they miss the whole redeeming point of being mentally ill - it can be pretty amusing sometimes. Right down hilarious! Even I laugh when I think of the time I mistook Claire for some strange kid standing in my living room! Just ask me (in private) about my one experience with alcohol - you'll pee your pants! Come on, people, you know I'm funny.

Aside from that, we talked over the biased insurance coverage. Too bad I couldn't get her on the topic of her dogs. Or her bedazzler. Seriously, though, I shouldn't tease. She's great at her job.

The kids are down. Andy's at Scouts. "Life" is a rerun. I am having a Coke and a novel that just barely became interesting, thus saving it from being tossed unfinished in the garage sale pile.

Just you wait for the garage sale post - Liz and I are joining forces for the Pecan Grove garage sale on the 28th, and between the two of us we could fill an entire three-bedroom house. Me with books. Her with everything else. We've decided to buy cokes and let the kids hock them for 50 cents a can. I can't find the cent sign on my keyboard; I can't believe I've never noticed that before.

On that trivial note, good night!

Vaccinations!

My kids are always behind on their shots. I just don't think about it. And nobody has gotten polio or diphtheria.

So today I took Claire and Gabe in to catch up. (I am so tired that I keep spelling everything wrong. Argh! And did you know that I actually say, "Argh!" in real life? Incidentally, I just typed "arch" three times when I was trying to type "argh." I'm frustrated.) Claire had to get four shots, and Gabe had six coming his way. In a frenzy, I pulled up to Liz's house and basically forced/begged her to go with me.

It all began when...

I asked Claire to get dressed this morning. "Where are we going?" "To the doctor." Keep in mind, we have gone to the doctor twice this past month. And she has had a little cough. So I didn't expect her response: "NOOOOOOOO! I always get shots!!!!!" Screaming, wailing, sobbing, running in circles around the couch, flopping down in despair. Huh? She was there when the other kids went in with coughs. No shots. And it really has been a long time since her last shots. My, what a memory.

Liz was promising treats galore as we drove there, and while we waited there, and while the nurse prepared the injections, and while Liz held her down so the nurse could stab her poor little squishy legs. I was laughing the whole time. I can't help it! It's ridiculous!

Gabe was completely unaware of the impending torture. He just stared at hysterical Claire in confusion. Liz took her out of the room when she was done. Then I held down Gabe while he got two in each leg and one in each arm. It was pitiful, but I found myself giggling anyway. Liz said when he came out of the room he looked like he'd been through a war zone. All sweaty and red-face, hair mussed up, crying. I guess he knew I was the traitor because he kept calling Claire's name during the shots.

They sure shut up when they got suckers from the nurse, though. They also got an entire page of stickers, a coloring book, and colors. All I got was a copy of their shot records - of course I've lost their originals.

I couldn't have done it without Liz. Well, I could have - I've taken all three of them for shots in one appointment - but it would not have ended well. I imagine children on National Geographic clinging to their mothers legs, screaming in terror, torn from the innocence and security of childhood. I would not have laughed.

The babies got ice cream and etch-a-sketches. They are sleeping with ibuprofin for Gabe since he keeps grabbing his limbs and crying out in pain. And I don't think he's fakin' it.

I keep debating whether I will lay down for an hour or do the dishes. The kitchen smells like last night's dinner which was fish, so you can imagine. And yet, I'll probably light a candle and sleep. Don't tell the fire department.