My clever, funny, useful idea

Apparently I'm all obsessed with the black crow right now. You may notice on the left sidebar that I have a crow update. Happy face = no pms; Black crow = pms, so watch it (and watch out!)

And today I created this for my home:


It is to warn my family (namely the spouse) that the black crow has alit on the home. I just replace a picture on the piano with this sucker, and that's that. Mostly because once I get the black crow, I stop talking and start grouching. Then when the black crow flies away, I just trade it out for the picture that it replaced.

Utter brilliance.

Stomach flu, boo hoo hoo.

I hate it when my kids are sick. It is so pitiful, and the parents get so wiped out.

I always want to go on a clean-and-disinfect spree. Alas, I am usually too tired to do more than Lysol the entire joint and wash bedding. I'm discouraged, though, because Claire came down with it Thursday night, and I Lysoled the samhill out of this place. Now Claire has it again (or is there just a two day lapse in puking in the middle?), and Gabe has it, and Charlotte was up all sunbeams at midnight holding puke bowls for us. It was a Blue's Clues Vomit Party in the living room - whole family invited.

Fortunately, as of this typing, Andy, Charlotte and I haven't got it. Gabe's zonked in my bed. He wakes up really pissed every so often cranking at us to give him a sippy cup, but he falls right back to sleep after saying it. He's only had a little gatorade with water. Claire has had crackers. I have had enough.

Back to bed. Gabe's weekly stay of execution is based in no small part to how angelic and cuddly he is when unconcious. Hey, maybe knocking him unconcious once in a while...

I agree with this.

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Boys be nasty, yo

Gabe, as I've mentioned, likes to pee on the floor. He's upped his frequency, so, I think, "Well, that's a sign (hopeful) of potty training readiness."

But, he needs a little help. Hey, I know - a training potty! Since he pees, and then he announces his deed, maybe if he has a potty down there with him, right in the thick of things, he'd use it instead of the floor.

Enter the Royal Stepstool Potty. Sensors detect when the deed is done, and it plays one of four majestic, triumphant tunes. Plus, it resembles a throne. Lux.

He uses it prolifically all afternoon. Four times in, oh, 3 hours. He's just squeezing out a few drops at this point. And then...

I walk into the living room to see him squatting next to an upturned royal potty, splashing a not-a-few-drops of pee on the floor.

Did. You. Dump. This?

Yes. Yes, mother, I did. And why? Because I'm a boy. I was born nasty and naughty.


I put his diaper on backward (pretending that could possibly deter the Y chromosome) and stomped away. Here is a picture of the fallen monarch:

I just need to share this with someone right when it happened.

I just checked on my whole chicken in the crock-pot that has been going since 9am.

Look's good, but, hm. What's that there? That looks kinda like, well, a plastic bag? What would a... OOOOOOOOOOOOOh, crap. Do chickens have a sack of nasty bits shoved in them like turkeys? I think yes. Did I take it out? Um, as I recall, all I did was cram a whole lemon in there without looking.

So, now, a plastic baggy of cooked nasty chicken bits is emerging from the hind parts of my bird in the crock, and I had to do the "ew ew ew" dance all by myself in the kitchen since the fam is sleeping.

And, just to top it off, the bag broke open when I pulled it out. I'm leaving the mess b/c I am just as grossed out by that as I am by the sight of my bird which split down the back when I pulled out the bag.

This dinner is disgusting.

Those kids better eat it.

Sarah had her baby!

A little girl!

Her name is Catalina Mae. That has changed from yesterday when they had named her Antonia Mae. But, according to the dad, Catalina is now on the birth certificate.

She's beautiful, of course, and very very sweet. She was born yesterday morning and has all the regular stats - 7 lbs, 14 oz., 20 something inches, etc.

I am super excited that she is here. She looks a lot like Minnie to me, but she changes looks every time she moves her face. But mostly I see Minnie and Sarah. My mom and Sarah and Angelo keep calling her fair and light-haired. I ain't seein' it. Of course, it may be because my kids are see-through. But I only saw Catalonia Mae late in the evening in a dim room with a little cap on. Awww, sweet little cap. I love that stuff.

Oh, yes, Sarah, I said Catalonia. Really, though, I keep using her whole name. CatalinaMae. CatalinaMae. CatalinaMae. So, if you change it again, I'm calling her Jennifer.

Okay, folks, that's it! Another darling niece for me! And the 14th grandchild for my parents. Cah-razy.

Dear Mrs. B-

"I am pretty lost when it comes to Charlotte's math homework. The corrections you send home are largely due to my misunderstanding and misdirecting Charlotte.

Should I let her go on alone when she has questions about what to do? Can you send a little help my way?

Pitiful, I'm sure.

Thank you,
Jennifer R."


--Actual letter to a 1st grade teacher.

Halloween

Princess Claire, Count Charlotte, and Marvin the Martian.