The following will be offensive to some readers.

I like to give people a chance to back out. Seriously, though, don't blame me if you read on and find something you don't like.


Since we last met, Claire knocked over a recliner onto Gabe and gave him a bloody nose. Just desserts, I say. Gabe sat in a pile of ants and looks like he has a pox. That makes me a little sad. He certainly doesn't deserve that. Fortunately, he has a very high pain threshold, so he doesn't complain about the mass of pustules all over his leg and arm. Gabe took off his diaper and stood on the couch in order to pee. After he peed on the floor. Of course, the floor is concrete, but I still have a pee-drenched towel to wash. Claire has had the mother of all fits wherein she kicked the crap out of the wall and screamed at the top of her lungs how much she doesn't like me and that she thoroughly hates 2s. (We were practicing writing our twos at the time. By practice, I mean she actually sat on her hands and refused to write any 2s.)

THE FOLLOWING IS THE PART THAT SOME WILL FIND OFFENSIVE

Charlotte got sick and is home from school today. The upside to this is that I got a fancy new ear thermometer. The disposable covers look like tiny little condoms, so I get amusement every time I take her temp (101.3).

OFFENSIVE PART OVER

Other than that, well, nothing I guess. I just sit on the couch reading and waiting to follow Gabe as soon as he leaves the room. He's under marshal law. See y'all later.


The chair that hit Gabe. You can see his diapered butt in the background climbing onto the couch. Probably to pee. You can see the concrete floor that he peed on. You can also see the state of my house, but that doesn't bother me so much.

Claire's ears AND the reason I am about to crawl to Mexico in tears

#1 - Gorgeous, yes?



#2 - Gabe + Playdoh = Why I wish I were in Cancun.

blah blah blah (that's both how I feel and what is in this post)

Just so you know, Terminix isn't coming until next week. So much for waiting around all day yesterday. Not that it changed my regular schedule. Still, though.


Last night was an excellent night for tv. Project Runway was fantastic, of course. Since I've already weeded out the designers who don't measure up (little sewing reference there, y'all), I like it when they get eliminated. Then, a new "Real Housewives of Atlanta." Good drama. I've gotten to the point that I've mentally inserted myself into their conversations and say stuff out loud to the tv. Mostly to put them in their places. I'd be a star.

Internally, I think I'm doing better. Perhaps the additional med is going to work out. I still feel pretty reclusive, but I'm functioning in the house (remember yesterday?). I'm tired every second. I don't eat well, and I have moved to the excessive in caffeine. It's just so comforting to have a cold Coke in my hand with the assurance that more are in the fridge.

I think today is Friday... yep. Oh! Happy Patriot Day!!! Shout out to all our soldiers and firemen and police officers!!! We love y'all and thank y'all for protecting our country!!! God bless America.

I timed it...

It takes me exactly 45 minutes to be threw with my kids.

I woke up this morning cheerful - yes, cheerful, don't laugh - at seven. I saw my daughters sitting on the couch, one reading a story book to the other. Beautiful, yes? Then, the dream vanished and the daily debacle of getting ready for school ensued. Fits, fits, fits. Slow, slow, slow. Complain, complain, complain (um, some of that was me.) Get in the car. Fight, fight, fight. Get out of the car crying (surprisingly, that wasn't me.) At 7:45 am, I was absolutely finished with my kids. Done. Didn't want to see them, talk to them, nothin'. Oh, wait - Gabe.

So, he peed on the floor and my foot this morning. He screamed and threw things. And this is after he crawled into our bed at some point in the night. I didn't know he was there until his giant melon of a head cracked into mine when he turned over. He didn't even skip a breath. I sat there holding my head and wondering what happened. I didn't cuss, though. No, I saved that for the second time he bashed me in the head with his cannonball noggin. And yet, I still got up a cheerful person. That, my friends, is the power of pharmaceuticals.

Now, Coke in hand, Gabe in bed, I am going to the couch...WAIT! I haven't finished bragging on myself!

Before 9am, I have done a load of dishes, one load of laundry, folded it and (dum, dum, dum, DUM) put it away! Okay, so now I am going to the couch, turning on Bravo, and sudoku-ing until the battery runs out on my phone. And waiting for Terminix.

I haven't blogged much because Gabe is rotten

Sunday I woke up to about 3/4 of an entire large bottle of baby powder dumped on the floor. The girls were attempting to clean it with dripping wet rags which resulted in a trail of paste all through the living room, kitchen, and bathroom. As I went to address it, I stepped on an unraveled spiral notebook and put the wire into my heel. So, I went back to bed. Besides, sitting at the computer forces me to look at the marker he put on the wall.

I am working on pix of Claire's ears.

Charlotte is sick today.

Anything else? Oh, roaches. Terminix has been summoned. I sat in terror on the couch last night after killing two. I was afraid to cross the room to my bedroom. And once I was in the bed, I was afraid to sleep lest one crawl in.

Welp, that's it. Nothing to blog. Nothing to do except laundry and dishes. And since that ain't happenin', I'll have to get crackin' on my pressing schedule of sudoku on my phone.

Big Deal

Claire got her ears pierced! She asked her Aunt Mary for it for her 5th birthday. So, today we went. True to character, she chose the very largest fake diamonds available. She was so brave. Cried, but stopped quite quickly after she saw herself in the mirror. I must say, she looks adorable. She is stoked to show everyone. She is just sure they are going to be in awe. So, if you see her, make a deal of it.

Charlotte is now asking. Well, her birthday is in a month.

"When Will I Ever Learn," or "I Gotta Get the Heck Outta Dodge!"

No more talking about sleep. It just screws it all up. For example, my entire day was screwed before 8am. And I can't tell you about it because I'll just jinx myself further. Well, I can't tell you about the sleep part. I'll tell you a little about the awake part.

Charlotte actually tried to refuse to get out of the car and go to school this morning. I say "tried" because as soon as I took off my seatbelt, she changed her mind. I always laugh at that because they don't get spanked. What, exactly, are they afraid of? Me. So, betwixt her crying and Gabe screaming that he wants out of the car, the teacher who was helping unload my kids looked in at me and said, "I'm sorry!"

The nice part of the morning was Claire discovering Alan Jackson's song, "Gone Country." (Start playlist now.) It went like this:

"Mom! She's gone country! She's got new boots! Isn't that awesome?"
[insert Charlotte's bad attitude here]

"Mom! He doesn't believe in money!"
Gabe, "Oooooh, country!"
[more baditude]

The rest of the day until now has consisted of Gabe behaving in such a manner that I am considering throwing him against the wall. I may not be buff, but he's pretty scrawny; I bet I could manage it. I'm climbing the walls. I can't stand this one-kid-at-home business. Sarah warned me. It is worse than I anticipated. And don't even try to help me get out of Dodge, b/c the taboo sleep topic is what is keeping me tied to the house. I don't want to discuss it anymore. It's making me batty.

In other news...

...um...

...well, I guess that's it. Stream-of-consciousness sucks when you are scatterbrained. No stream, essentially. More like puddle-jumping.

I shouldn't have said anything.

I've done practically nothing but sleep since my last post. Recap: tooting my horn about being awake and alert at inhuman (read: decent) hours of the morning.

*yawwwwwwwwwwn*

Well, back to the couch.

I keep getting up at 6am!

What's up? I don't do that. And now, my eyes just keep popping open, and I can't go back to sleep. Of course, I stumble around like a fool starting around 10am, but I can't sleep then, either.

Well, that's how it has been since school started, anyway. Last night it was different. I fell asleep on the couch after the kids went to bed and slept until around 10pm. I fell asleep again sometime after that. After Gabe got up for the millionth time, I went to my own bed and actually slept until the alarm at 6:50. And it felt weird. Am I really used to getting up in the morning now? Does anyone know how out of character this is for me? Can I get a witness?

Do you know how worthless this blog post is? I bore myself.