Grocery Shopping

Gotta do it.

Sounds easy, I know, but first I have to think up things to eat, and I totally suck at that. I waffle between trying really hard to get a list together before I leave and deciding to just wing it once I get there thinking that maybe looking at food will make it appealing. Which never works.

I figured out we whities have a 2 hour swim limit at the pool or else we burn. And we surely reapply sunscreen at every adult swim break, but after two hours we burn anyway. I wish we could stay at the pool all day, though. Cuz that is called summertime fun.

My nails have gotten long so typing is hard. I keep having to correct stuff. Why do I not clip them? Besides the hygiene issue from last post, it is because I'm lazy. As Claire told Liz yesterday, "Mom's lazing around in her bed." Yep I was. And I plan on doing it again today. So there.

I read some cute books this week. "Our Only May Amelia" and "The Trouble with May Amelia" by Jennifer L. Holm. They are juvenile literature and historical fiction. I give them both thumbs up. If you like "Moon Over Manifest" and "The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate," these are for you.

I think my husband wants me to take a shower.

Considering last night he said, "You need a shower." Huh? What? It's only been two days!

I seriously suck at hygiene. And, you know, productivity. And I'm beginning to suspect those two things are related.

Here's why: I got up Saturday morning with a full day ahead. Usually, I loll around in bed until 9am - not on weekends, on regular days. Weekends it is much later than that. Anyway, back to lolling: I loll around in bed. Then I loll around in the house in jammies or whatever I slept in. The point is, I don't dress or shower until there is somewhere I need to go. And Saturday, I needed to go somewhere early in the morning, and I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I mean it! I was standing idly in my bathroom thinking, "What am I supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to shower? Really?"

Okay, I used to work. I used to get up and get ready. Well, poorly, to be sure, but still. I can't believe I forgot how to have a morning routine! I had to talk myself through it like this: "Jennifer - just do what you would normally do at 10am. Start with brushing your teeth." It felt weird.

Which brings me to right now. 10am Tuesday. I have been lolling around until this "decent hour" so that I can feel comfortable taking a shower (you're welcome, Andy) and brush my teeth. But not eat breakfast. It's a little soon for that.

The point being, I'm finally noticing it might be a little weird that I am like this. The concept of getting out of bed and getting ready for the day regardless of my plans feels foreign and, dare I say it, slightly upsetting.

Best shower curtain ever! And indicative of my feelings toward the shower :)

In other news, I dreamed I was in college, which always makes me feel icky for hours after I wake up. Perhaps breakfast should be leftover chocolate coconut birthday cake. For medicinal purposes only.

I'm not good at responsibility

I finally forced myself to do those couple of things that were making me dread getting out of bed. My feeling of accomplishment just got squashed by remembering a dozen more that have me feeling worried and sick. I hate that, dang it!

Yesterday we had cake with the fam for Andy's birthday. It was so fun. First off, there was cake. Secondly, I just enjoy hanging out with the family so much. The kids were so happy they were playing together like champs for the rest of the night. Now, they keep asking me to eat up the leftover cupcakes. I should just let them so this doesn't drag on for days and days. And then I won't be sneaking them all the time. Yes, I sneak food. If the kids see me, it opens a whole can of worms that I don't wanna fish with.

I feel like I'm on top of and in control of my job for the Summer Youth Musical. Blacklight -check. Blacklight paint - check. Blacklight makeup - waiting for an email on that one. So half-check.

I couldn't sleep until 4:30am, so I watched movies on some tv channel. "The Women" with Meg Ryan and "Rachel Getting Married" with Anne Hathaway. Man, that last one is uber-depressing and bleh. No watchy. I like "The Women," though. My mom had told me it had zero men in it, and I didn't believe her, but it is true. No men on the street, no men in the restaurants, no men in the stores. Until the baby boy at the end. Nobody performs too well in that movie, but I have low standards.

I think I will force, yes force, myself to do two more things on the list. Just two. Then I can get on with my regular schedule of nothing.

NEW RULE

No blogging in the middle of the freaking night! I'm so depressing!!!

I hope in heaven we get our memories back

See this guy here?

I don't recognize him. Andy left a folder of pictures open on his computer monitor, and I didn't recognize this baby until I got to this one:

Yeah, I know it's Gabe. I figured it out from the context clues. Like in this one I recognize my hands. But not the baby:

I really wish I could remember him like this. I have lost all his first months. I don't know him in pictures at all. That is so tragic to me.

I get that I had a traumatic birth experience with him. I get that I had postpartum depression. I get that mental illness robs you of your memories. But I swear I better get them back in the next life or, really, I may start to question what this is all about.

Now I gotta go sneak into that little dude's room and lay with him so my heart will stop breaking. Hopefully, he'll wake up and make some rude remark and set my world right again.

Can't leave all that negative hanging out in the blogosphere...

Andy was out of town during that last post, so I was obviously having a little struggle. I feel better now that he's back and I've slept a lot and, frankly, eaten a lot of fast food and chocolate.

I'm about to take the kids to the library just to get out of the house. The family computer broke a while back, so this is their only opportunity to play computer games. Let me just say that their favorite is the one where they build a person. Wait, it gets nerdier: the computer provides all the different bones and organs, and my kids put them together into a skeleton with organs. No skin or muscles. Yes eyeballs. They love it. The fact they choose this over actual "game" type games thrills me. PS - they are very good at it.

Also, I will try to check out the second book in the 39 Clues juvenile series. It has an entire online world with cards and clues and I can feel another Webkinz-esque obsession coming on. I need a kid who is into it so that I can live through them. Because, even to me, buying a pack of kids collector cards for the code is going a little too far.

Okay, I gotta go help Gabe pick out some clean clothes. His current choice is a sweatshirt and size 3T jammie shorts that fit like biker shorts. Not happening.

This one's a downer

Everyone has been put down for a nap. Nobody has a nice tone or kind words for anyone. Therefore, they can lie alone and sleep. Or at least feel disciplined. Argh argh argh.

I need to pick up downstairs, I really do. I need to fold laundry and do dishes. I need to shower and shave. I need to veg in front of the tv and forget about how hard parenting is sometimes. Not that anything hard has occurred. It's just that same old story of running out of emotional energy before running out of daylight.

The crow came and left, if anyone is keeping track, so my energy is returning. Not so my "zest for life." Oh yeah, I don't have that. I was thinking about a post my friend Nat wrote about happiness. I don't really deal in happiness. I really need to work on that because that sounds sad to my ears. I'll start by identifying happy times:

The fourth of July was a happy day. Of course it was - I spent it with my family. We ate and swam and played Farkle and even cleaning up after was nice. We laughed a lot. We didn't even miss the fireworks that were banned due to the drought. It was kinda nice not to have to keep the kids awake until after dark, and it was certainly nice not having any neighbors popping off firecrackers until 1am.

My 12th anniversary on Saturday was nice. We ate out at the Swinging Door. That's where we had our wedding reception. It was fun to realize that we have planted roots in this place and grown a family here. It is fun to take our kids there and say, "This is where we had our wedding cake!" It is weird to be married so long, honestly. I mean, I feel old, generally, but that makes me sound even older to myself. I also made Andy and Craig and Jess watch "Sucker Punch" on our anniversary. It was not good, of course, but I'm glad I finally saw it. It is one of those movies that I will want to see until I finally get to, knowing that it is crap. Next up - "Season of the Witch" with Nicolas Cage. Better believe I'm looking forward to it.

This summer is a lot less enjoyable than summers past. The kids are so much less satisfied with their days. So much bickering and whining. But I feel like it is slipping away and they will be in school again before I know it and I'll have lost all this time with them. I don't want to send Gabe to preschool anymore. It his last year home, and I dread it ending. What will I do with him in school?? It's too sad to think about.

Well, it is 4pm and I still have that list of crap to get done. Good luck to me.