Venting

Feelings are tough. I have them, I can't figure them out. Or, more to the point, make them go away. I learned a friend of mine just lost his brother suddenly, like we lost Craig, and I was overcome with sadness and agitation. Sadness, I get. Agitation - I guess from wanting to help or take action, but there is nothing to do. Just send a note of love and sadness. Just pray a lot for them. I did those things. But I've been sad and agitated since yesterday morning when I found out. I feel like I'm supposed to do something, but there is nothing. And so instead I'm hating feelings.

I am weighed down by science fair. Two kids, both doing PARTNER projects, all due tomorrow.

I am overcome by lethargy about my house, chores, grocery shopping, meal planning and making, cleaning, laundry, showering, everything. I haven't gotten my mail for a week.

I feel bad about myself for no pin-pointable reason.

I have therapy today, don't worry. I am just hoping that writing it down gets some of it out of me and makes room for less blah to come out and play.

It's amazing what a girl can accomplish (when she sleeps from 8am to 2pm)

A couple loads of laundry
A mopped kitchen floor
An emptied and reloaded dishwasher
A trip to the grocery store
A homemade dinner of chicken enchiladas

If only I slept all day every day!

Also, following up on last post:
The car is repaired
The dishwasher is repaired
The foundation is repaired YEEEHAW!!!!!

Our hearts are still broken. It feels like forever and no time at all since I last saw Craig. I am full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father that He has sent peaceful times and restful feelings to relieve the constancy of grief. I am grateful I have a testimony that our souls are eternal and we will meet again. I am grateful for the comfort of family, of being close to Jessie, of spending holiday time with the Ruggles and strengthening our family ties. I love the Lord.

In other news, my hormones are whack, yo. Bloodwork showed a bum thyroid, wacky pituitary, and rebellious ovaries. Egad. So, I'm on a couple of lifelong meds for thyroid and pituitary, and I will revisited those pesky ovaries in February. Hopefully they are just reacting to the other two's bad behavior, and once those guys are in line, they will straighten out on their own. We shall see. The moral of the story is that now I have medical documentation for why I am constantly tired, can't remember anything, can't focus, and am losing my hair rather than my belly weight. We are calling it Fat Old Lady Syndrome (FOLS, for short).

The Christmas tree is still up. My clothes bar fell down during the foundation repair - also known as the loudest and shakiest experience I've ever had - and I haven't even touched the mess. I've got shelves to mount. I have a library book that was due December 12th. Hopefully I feel motivated to take a crack at some of that tomorrow.

And now I must say that I've been watching NCIS while typing this, and I love that little McGee. Hang in there, Tim, we are all rooting for you. (Any of you who are NOT rooting for Tim need to keep that mess to yourself. This here blog is a No Place for NCIS Hate.)