I have not blogged about this lest I jinx myself. But I don't believe in jinxes, and I am full of faith, so why am I not blogging it? I shall.
I had been taking this drug that I loved. Loved loved loved. It made me feel so normal and regular-personish. I felt happiness and joy and could remember them when they passed. Except mostly they just stayed around. I didn't have the crow. THAT was huge. And I could stamp out those obsessive funeral scenarios. Sure, I gained weight. Fast. Was it worth the trade-off? Well, it sure was when they gave me a counter-drug for the weight gain.
But I really wasn't comfortable with all the drugs. I'd been told several times that eventually I probably would be on more than one drug to manage the bipolar. Really, though, a drug just to stop weight from another drug? I was leery. Then I lost 5 pounds in a week. But it was the week I went off sugar, too. Cool. Then I lost 6 pounds the next week. Not so cool. Not normal.
Plus, I was having these rather disturbing neurological side effects from the wonder-drug. Like I was losing control of my mouth. Yeah. It was getting hard to talk. I was losing my typing skills. Stuff that was starting to scare me. So, immediate stop of that drug. And that means no more weight-loss drug.
I feel really good about this. I feel great about it. I have to accept that maybe I'll not lose the weight I have because it was gained from the drug I'm on. That doesn't mean I should give up my new healthy lifestyle. And I shouldn't just assume that the weight won't come off. I'm doing a great job. I haven't eaten any sugar in three weeks. I eat whole grains only. Lots of fruit and veggies and legumes and whatnot. A little lean meat. I started the exercise routine this week. I feel really good about this stuff.
So, if I don't lose weight, I don't lose weight. I know that I won't gain weight, and that makes me happy. I was gaining weight on wonder-drug almost as rapidly as I was losing weight on counter-wonder-drug. Not healthy, either. I think I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.
I have a calm, clear outlook. I'm really grateful for the help Heavenly Father is giving me to do this. In fact, I feel like He is carrying me along. I feel like it is easy - like I'm doing a little bit and getting really fantastic results. I have a really supportive group of friends and family. Andy is incredible about it. I'm learning that my choices aren't very limited, I just have to pay attention and plan ahead.
5 comments:
Wow, Jen. Wow. Being right where you are supposed to be is a wonderful feeling. I am REALLY happy for you.
Hooray Hooray!!!!!! I am so so proud of you. You are such a good example tot he rest of us! I loved this post!
You are one brave & insightful woman. I don't know many that would give up taking any pill with those results & try to do it on their own. Surely Heavenly Father is blessing you for your efforts to improve your health without the meds. I wish you continued luck in your healthy endeavor-- and wish to join you soon!
I hope you're still at peace with stopping the meds. Controlling your diet is hard, especially with kids. I was on a Clomid for a couple of months and it made me crazy, weeping, isolating all the time. So I switched to another fertility drug this month and the side effects have been much more manageable - headaches, fatigue, hot flashes, water retention, but not crazy. But it's enough that all the benefits from exercising like a fanatic before I started the drugs have completely gone away. It's so frustrating, because now exercise is cumbersome again, let alone, trying to do it at 5am so I can be back before Katherine wakes up. I've got to come up with a new plan. You are an example to me.
Your progress has been remarkable. You'll always have support surrounding you when things get tough. I am very proud of your discipline. Most of all however is your calm. That is where I've seen the biggest change in a very short period of time. It is also the most valuable in my opinion. Coping skills can not be developed until you can be in a calm state to objectively identify what is the right way to deal with whatever life decides to throw at you that day. I know that it has been by your diligence to those "small and simple things" that have brought you this progress. Oh! Also I've noticed that since you changed your diet, your health and over all energy have improved once you got through the sugar withdrawl. Keep on keepin on Babe!! You're doing an incredible job.
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