I don't know what it is that makes a girl's self-esteem vanish into thin air, but it is some powerful stuff. ("Could it be....Satan?" c'mon - Dana Carvey as the church lady on SNL!) Yeah, so, I don't have any. Again.
I'm sitting here at the computer while my family eats dinner because if I go in there and eat and here ONE negative comment about ANY of it, I will crumple to the floor, never to stand again. I can hear them asking Daddy why Mommy isn't eating with them. I say, "Cuz Mommy needs a break!" "A break from us?" they ask hesitantly. "No," replies their wise and kind father. "Yes," replies my mind.
Yet it really isn't them I need a break from. I mean, I DO, but that's not the problemo. The problemo is that if I make one teensy tiny mistake, or, if I ALMOST make a mistake but catch myself in the nick of time, I feel like a failure. I know, very pathetic. And do you know what sucks up the last bit of self-esteem I might have left? Feeling pathetic. Oh, it's ugly, folks.
Now is when I would usually tell Andy to buy me 5 candy bars and a 12 pack (of Coke!), but I am not doing that. I'm healthily blogging with the intention of exercising after the kids go down in about half an hour. Someone please be proud. Because if that doesn't work, I really am out of ideas. I'll pray. Wait a minute - I'll do that first ;) I may be slow, but I can be taught! And then I'll make a list of some blessings. I'll post it. That'll make me feel good.
4 comments:
I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. There are a few days a month where I feel useless, worthless and awful. And if someone makes a funny face during dinner it's the end of the world.
This too shall pass.
Do aggressive exercise.
And then picture Richard Simmons coming in and telling you to "Move that Ass!" (dc)
Jen, I am really really proud! I'm actually proud that you were able to just let them eat - I tend to be in there melting away and stewing. Of course - I don't actually have any other places to be. But all of your new outlets are fantastic!! Truly! I am so excited to hear if the exercise really works out - for both the fitness stuff and the mental stuff. I so often hear that exercise gives you the happy endorphines - but never give it a long enough try. What are you doing for exercise? Are you going to the gym or do you have something at home? Good job Jen!!! Yay for you!
You can do it!!! I'm proud of you Jen. You rock.
Hey, how come you didn't come over this week? You guys usually come one day, right? Was I asleep or something?
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