My kids have never done anything like the following:
Of course they are showering unsupervised. They are such hypochondriacs that one of them will come running if there is an injury or, you know, drowning.
So, after they have had sufficient time to survive unattended, I went back there to get them out. I was met with a flood. Okay, not a flood, but a thorough soaking.
The shower curtain was wide open. The floor, counter, mirror for heaven's sake, were completely wet. Top to bottom. Side to side. Including my bin of makeup. Including all the dirty clothes scattered about on the floor.
What happened in here?! A bunch of damn fawns in the headlights.
It didn't take two seconds for the apologies to start. And the explanation, which was that they had taken the net scrubby things, soaked them with water, and hurled them at the mirror. Repeatedly. I was agog. I mean, I didn't have the mean mom face or voice. I had the bewildered and oh-no-my-makeup face and voice. More apologies.
I handed them all towels and told them to dry everything. Dry it well. Then I exited stage right.
They were in pretty good moods, actually. I think they were amazed they hadn't gotten the smack down. They joyfully came out to tell me it was all better (and to apologize about the makeup again. Incidentally, no makeup was harmed in the making of this disaster.)
The following, though unanticipated in any way by anyone on earth, is totally typical behavior:
Well, now I have a bunch of wet naked kids. Oh, I made them clean the bathroom before they got towels for themselves. The girls ran off to take care of themselves, and I went about diapering the diabolical Gabe. As I was doing so, I noticed some white stuff on his belly. Huh? Looked a little like diaper cream. He's gotten into that before. Then I notice it on his legs and then on his little wee wee. And then I catch a whiff of fragrance. I know that smell! Where is that smell from?
Gasp!! That is my DEODORANT! Ewwwww! Ew ew ew ewwwwwwwww! And then I remember that he had come out of the bathroom with my deodorant in hand, uncapped, garbling something excitedly. I just thought that he had dried it off all on his own. Why the hell can't that guy speak English!?
Gratefully, I have two other deodorants that were spared the disgusting crotch expedition.
I can't even -
I'm speechless.
9 comments:
Good use of the word agog. That story, while if it happened to me, would have left me fuming, was utterly entertaining. I've got one kind of like it. The other day I went to brush my teeth and the taste of my toothbrush was horribly bitter. I too recognized the smell as being my deoderant and then noticed faint brush marks in the top of my deoderant.
That is dusgusting.
Ok, I was laughing - out loud - until I read Sarah's comment - now I need to go barf! (Nobody, no one, no how messes with my toothbrush! I have toothbrush issues ...)
this was some much needed comic relief for me today. thanks gals. :)
Kids are precious, little gems, aren't they? Too funny that your deodorant was totally defiled!!
Ditto what Court said. I needed that.
I'm sorry, but I can't help but LAUGH out LOUD! One day... you will too! :) I hope you are all doing well!
The problem with kids is when they're not fighting their destroying something!
Gary's brothers used to flood the bathroom floor and slide across it naked when they were little. One of Gary's brothers had the bright idea of teaching his own kids how to do it much to the dismay of his wife.
oh Jen -- I WISH my deodorant went on a crotch expedition.
Today Grant discovered "chocolate" that came from his diaper. He was covered from head to toe in said chocolate.
Discovered it while I was changing the baby's diaper.
We will never be clean again.
Never.
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