Made steak, sauteed mushrooms, salad, and garlic toast for dinner. Surprisingly for my kids, it went over. Gabe is my best eater. Mid-morning finds us sitting on the couch eating Kashi breakfast bars or peanut chewy granola bars. Don't tell the girls we sit on the couch.
Homework has been going smoothly, and I really enjoy homework with Harris, as I've mentioned before. I always look forward to the kids getting home from school. I think that's a break from the norm for most moms, so I think I'm lucky.
I got pretty tough with Charlotte in order to floss her teeth. Made her sit on her hands and pinned her head against the cabinet. There was much gunk. Instead of love, I gave her the anticipation of the same torture nightly. Don't tell her that I don't floss. I think flossers are weird.
Claire woke up wicked crying. I don't know if she'll remember it tomorrow, but I laid with her until she fell back asleep. Per the norm, I horrorized her death and funeral. I do with all my kids when I lay with them when they are sleeping. Sometimes Andy, too. Sometimes me. I mean, totally visualize myself to tears. What the coffin looks like, the burial clothes, the gravestone. I don't do the service, though. I don't know why. I just never do. If I'm still awake, I move on to helping the kids deal with the loss. Mostly just us sitting and crying together. I do not know where this comes from, and I cannot stop it until it gets to the very end.
The mailman doesn't yell at me for parking in front of the box anymore. And he still delivers my mail. What a guy.
Here comes March. What am I going to do? Why I feel the need to ask that, I don't know. It runs through my head when I think that March is almost here. This isn't the "Gee, what shall I do?" kind of thought. It's the "Oh no! What am I gonna do!?" one. Usually heard when you realize that a major project is due tomorrow or you drop a wedding cake in the parking lot at the church. No, I've never done those things. Just giving you the tone of voice so you have a clear picture. Back to the point, what am I going to do? About what? WHY AM I ASKING?
I got problems.
I'm trying to empty my mind while I wait to put the socks in the dryer.
...
I guess it must be empty. TV sucks. I've had my fill of computer games (surprising, I know). I just can't concentrate right now.
I was back-reading my blog recently, and I came across the post Minor Breakdown. It's when I tossed a bunch of furniture out the back door. I didn't realize how much less furniture I have now. Incidentally, the only furniture in my living room that I paid for are the $30 rug and the rocking chair. Sweet deal. That makes 8 free pieces of furniture.
RIDICULOUSLY cute niece Miriam. Yes, she is orange. Sweet beta carotene. The secret to Super Grover's power.
13 comments:
It scares me a little bit that you think about your kid's funerals!!! I've had dreams about such things, but never while I was awake.
That is the cutest little grover girl!
It seems I have no choice. It just starts on it's own, unbidden, and I can't turn it off until it's over. If it helps, I do not feel like it is any sort of omen.
I know about the funeral thing. It happens to me when our kids are sick in the night and my thoughts are all wonky and I'm just sure it's their last night. I don't do the visualizing thing, though. For me it's all about the eulogy.
Your mailman thinks you're cute.
I don't know why but this post made me cry...probably because I love you so much. I know people, I'm weird too.
oh miriam. kids dont get any more beautiful than her. we betta pray to the gods dave's kids are that pretty lest we give him a complex! I also imagine kids' deaths til' tears....did it driving in the car today. guess we're the same brand of crazy. glad you enjoy hw with harris...it would kill me. notice how i love the dot dot dots? n e who, we must need to talk cuz look how long this comment is! for the record, flossers ARE weird, but I floss here and there so I guess I'm just kinda weird. april fills me with dread like march does you. its the birthday thing. oh shiz! i'm one year older and no damn better! what am i gonna do??!!
At least you ain't worse, Liz.
i love you. i'm sorry you're at the truck stop.
also, i floss regularly and shamelessly. but you already knew that about me. ;)
I'm starting to floss. My Mom is an avid flosser and I really want to be one.
Jen, I'm sorry you're still stuck at the truck stop. Reading your post though, I was struck by what a wonderful mom you are. You enjoy seeing your kids when they come home from school. You enjoy homework. You sit and snack with your little boy. You lay next to your babies when they get scared. Even when times get tough you're still a great mom.
I thought all adults floss. I must have funky spaced teeth, because for me, it is floss or die.
Moving on... because that was a small part of a really honest and interesting post. You are a good mom.
And oh man that is a beautiful baby.
And actually I imagine myself to tears often. Mine is over bad news. Family members dying, getting a terminal illness, etc. I do it two or three times a week I think. But just like the flossing, I thought all women do that. Is it better to think oneself crazy for doing that, or to think oneself completely normal?
Interesting. Of all things, I went to the funeral this week of the man who sealed us. I have been thinking about our death and how we can't control when it happens. There was a time when Katherine pinched a nerve in her hip and couldn't walk and it freaked me out because a little girl her age was diagnosed with leukemia when she started limping. Geoff thought I was melodramatic, but I was scared until a naturopathic doctor friend gave her an adjustment.
Last Saturday, Pame, Karen, Genevieve, and Amy got together for dinner in UT and Mandy and I called them on skype. I should have told you about it and I'm sorry I didn't. It was very fun to catch up with them.
I imagine the people I loved dying and myself dying and the funerals and what everyone would say till I make myself cry. When I was younger I thought I was just being over dramatic and vain. Ever since I have been on thyroid medication I hardly obsess about it like I used to. I also am not paranoid all the time like I was. My poor husband found some of the letters I would write about it and he has had a hard time accepting it doesn't mean something more than I think it does.
I wish i was orange because I ate tons of vegetables like Miriam.
can i come over to your house and eat? that sounded delicious. also, i, too, have done the funeral thing. only, it's been with kris passing away. i think i'm deathly afraid of him dying and me being left alone to raise our little family with nothing. plus, thinking about them dead helps you realize, in a probably twisted way, how much you love them and don't want to live without them.
p.s. loved the truck stop imagery.
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