= HORRIBLE PERSON
I am not sure if it is rock bottom, but it is way down there. EVERYTHING makes me extremely mad. Everything. The hymn at church yesterday, "Today While the Sun Shines," made me mad. Have you heard it (through the ears of a depressed, enraged person?) Well, here it is:
Today, while the sun shines, work with a will; Today all your duties with patience fulfill.
Today, while the birds sing, harbor no care; Call life a good gift; call the world fair.
Today, seek the treasure better than gold, The peace and the joy that are found in the fold.
Today seek the gems that shine in the heart; While here we labor, choose the better part.
First off, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Don't tell me to be patient - I'm not. I don't do my duties - no chores, no bills, no shopping, no hygiene. And I don't want to be judged by a stupid song for that. "While the birds sing"? In case you didn't know, I hate nature. I had stupid cardinals pecking my windows for 3 years. I tried to scream them away, and they just sat there. I do NOT feel like life is good. The world is NOT fair by anyone's standard. I was sitting in the *&^$*%$ fold yesterday and there was no peace and DEFINITELY no joy. And, just so you know, there is NOTHING shining in my heart. Who wrote that stupid song? Helen Silcott Dungan, I'm coming for you! (Oh, 1899. I'll spit on her grave.)
Everything people say makes me angry. My kids touching me makes me mad. The toilet overflowed - I'm mad. Today a stupid senior citizen turned at an intersection when I had right of way. I seriously had to sit on my left hand to contain the bird. Stupid old people.
I'm going to the gym today for yoga. Hopefully, it'll calm me (as long as she doesn't tell me to breathe in peace and goodwill.)
Ok, and I KNOW that this is irrational. I don't blame you people (except that old man.) So, I'm giving the med another couple days, and if I can't get over this fit of rage, it's back to that damned (OOPS! Don't cuss!) Shrinky-Dink!
6 comments:
Is it wrong that I laughed the whole time I read that? I understand how you are feeling, I've been there so many times. But really, saying you are going to spit on that poor woman's grave? That's funny! Funny, in an I cannot believe she just said that kind of way. Obviously it's med related b/c yesterday you thought it was hysterical that you picked up and smelled petrified poop and today you are furious over a hymn about sunshine and birds.
Come on...that's funny.
I love you.
okay -- I'm with Sarah. Is it wrong that I thought this was hilarious?
And your rage doesn't come CLOSE to mine. I got so mad while on the phone with customer service for Orbitz (they're in India and there was a SERIOUS language barrier) that I KICKED A HOLE IN OUR WALL. Yep. Kicked a hole. In our wall.
Unless you were wearing a pull-up while all of this was going on, you have a little ways to go till' rock-bottom! God-speed.
Just tell your robot children what you dont want to do..they told me they'd do it.
I was laughing too. I'm sorry you have been struggling so much lately. You really are good at expressing yourself in a particularly humorous manner, even when you are in a dark place. We love you and are praying for you.
Yikes! I definitely should NOT have asked you what happened to the nurseries Noah's ark animal toy bin on Sunday!!! Forget the old buried lady ...I should have just had you spit on me. The nursery kids cough, drool, spit, cry and occasionally throw up on me anyway so I wouldn't have even noticed it ...much!
Don't ever forget how amazing you are even on your toughest days. Hang in there Jen and always remember that we all love you.
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