Ok, that being said, I want to express my feelings about the hymn "How Firm a Foundation" (#85). I learned all the verses - there are seven -when Charlotte was a baby. I was initially motivated by hearing Liz say that it was her favorite hymn. (I don't know if it still is.) It turned out that Charlotte would fall asleep in my arms while I sang it, so I got lots of practice with all the verses; they have stuck with me since then.
I'm generally amazed at how many situations this one song fits in my life. Verse six ran in my mind during the time of my grandfather's death earlier this year: "And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn, Like lambs shall they still to my bosom be borne." I felt happiness for him; peace for me; gratitude for the plan of salvation and the tender love of a Father in heaven.
During times of deep deep depression, I recite verse 4 "The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow." Right now, when I'm struggling to get somewhere, and I feel accosted on every side, I keep singing and singing verse 7.
"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"
This verse, it makes me realize most of my fighting is actually against leaning upon Jesus. I know it's Satan. I feel guilty b/c I'm so unfaithful so often. I hear this verse; I'm reminded that only repose awaits me. Rest. Peace. Respite. Refuge. Even broken as I am, I won't be forsaken if I just kneel down when I want to scream and run.
And let me tell you, I SO want to scream and run. How many times a day do I throw my head back and say, "I can't do this anymore!" I hide in my room, on the computer, in front of the tv. I get angry at things like, oh, I don't know, hymns about sunshine and happiness.
So, here's me, trying to humble myself and turn to Christ. My testimony is surely too strong to keep rejecting this path. Anyway, thanks for listening. I know it's kinda heavy, but, just so you know, y'all's support really does make a dent in the pain. So thanks.
10 comments:
I'm on a spiritual renewal journey as well at the moment! I have been realizing how often I yell out "I can't do this anymore!" especially to Brian. I'm going to post an awesome section of a talk from conference in just a minute. It's helping me out a lot! Check it out!
I loved this post. I too love music & often (I know this is stupid) tune out what the words are saying in sacrament meeting or I seriously would be a mascara mess each Sunday. I just need to LET IT IN. Oh & thanks for the tip about singing favorite hymns to babies. I'm going to try that one. I know they "get it" way more than I do!
Yet another Grover girl connection. That is also MY favorite hymn. I sing it to myself whenever I need an extra measure of moxie.
And you are not broken...just a person in progress like the rest of us.
Keep up the excellent work. Court
I always feel the Spirit so strongly through music. Many of the hymns just seem to reach a deeper part inside of me - if that makes sense.
And for me, hymns can bring such memories. We sang "Each Life that Touches Ours for Good" at my Dad's funeral, and I still get emotional when I hear it in Church.
I have always loved "How Firm a Foundation", but I don't think I have ever sung verses 4, 5, or 6. They are beautiful, and I'm going to have to learn them.
Thank you for sharing your struggle and journey. It reminds me that I need to work harder on my spiritual journey, and not just coast along.
I like the deep blogs :)
Music always brings peace.
PS --
You sang hymns to Charlotte... I sang Ben Folds to Grant. lol. what does that say about me?
I thought your post was beautiful.
I wish I could write like you do... you do a beautiful job at putting thoughts and feeling into words. Thank you for sharing....
I too enjoy the the way hymns speak to me, especially at times I may need it most. They are a perfect starting point for healing.
Luv ya'... Shel-
Jen, it is wonderful that you share your testimony with us this way. Thank you, I really felt the spirit. I like Alisha often have to "tune out" the spirit when music is playing at church. If I "let it in" too much I am always moved to tears...okay, uncontrolable sobs and swollen eyes! What is up with that? Music is the strongest way that Heavenly Father communicates with me. Music is divine indeed. Thanks again for sharing.
It is still my favorite hymn and I think it always will be. It reminds me so much of some really deep dark times that I have survived and even triumphed over! (All the Lord.) It's my song for when I'm in the middle of the refiner's fire. It sounds like that's where you are. Big, wonderful change is found when you emerge from the ashes. Stay the course! I love you.
If my wife had a Utah accent, she'd be destined for speaking in General Conference. Well said Babe.
P.S. This is my first comment here b/c I'm finally coming out of the closet as a blog addict. I can't be one of those men who read their wifes blogs at night and then not tell any body. I hope I'm ready for my new life as a public blogger.
Post a Comment