The Stink-Eye

There I was, minding my own business...

...on my way out of the gym with Gabe and Claire in tow. And what should Gabe devise in his evil little mind? Why, to collapse onto the floor and crawl around in circles - giggling, naturally. So, I pull him up by the arm where he dangles like a marionette, refusing to stand on his feet. I, ever so gently as I am trying to be a good mom (thanks for the mom compliments on my last post, by the way), get down on his level like SuperNanny demands, and I say, "Gabe, you need to stand on your feet and walk." He laughs mockingly in my face. You think I'm kidding, but that little stinker can mock. So, I start the 1-2-3 count. There he dangles. So, into time-out he goes.

Let me state here that this occurs pretty much every time we are leaving the gym. Just substitute a bad behavior in place of the crawling marionette. Now, back to the story.

Time-out. One minute for each year of age. The longest, most anguishing two minutes of life. Gabe is screaming and squirming and hollering, "NO! MOMMY! NO!" I am physically restraining him on a bench by the exit door of the gym - perfect positioning for The Stink-eye. I'll explain:

Nearly every person exiting the gym throws me a look of disgust as she exits. Oh I say "she" because the men look straight at the ground and plow past. Like I'm pinching my kid. Like I ought to have control over his behavior. Hello - I can't control his screaming, you idiots! Do you want to give it a shot? I'd love to see you fail. I think they think I should discipline my child elsewhere. Well, guess what? All you non-kid-toting, inconsiderate bleep-bleeps like to take the parking spaces right in front, so I would have to haul him across the entire parking lot. (That's really the gym's fault. They need family parking in front like at Ikea. Ahhh, Ikea!) Plus plus plus, I just.worked.out. I have no strength left in me. I am a wet washcloth. FURTHERMORE, I have tried that method. I get the Stink-Eye anyway! All the way across the parking lot.

Anyway, the point is if you discipline your child in public, you are treated like a bad mom. I recognize that nobody wants to listen to my child screaming. I don't want to listen to him! But I'm not going to willingly raise my child like the Real Housewives of Orange County. So, discipline it will be. And if you don't like it, well, you still don't have to throw the Stink-Eye at me. That's just plain rude.

There are people out there that think children should be seen and not heard. Archaic. There is the group that hates it when moms do all this disciplining in public rather than removing to a more private place like the bathroom or the car. I respect that. If you are one of those, I really do respect that. But I am not going to haul ass (don't say ass - it's a cuss) to a bathroom every time Gabe loses it. I would spend my life in public bathrooms. Plus, I've given it a shot. This is how he interprets it: "Hey, we just left the bathroom! I don't have to behave anymore!" And back to the bathroom we go. Whereas when I plop him into time-out right on the spot, we don't usually have to revisit time-0ut. I'm choosing the path of least resistance-to-good-behavior.

Another point: lots of this fit-throwing or hitting or chucking items at strangers or whatever happens in a checkout lane somewhere. I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO LEAVE THAT LINE WHILE CHECKING OUT. THE END.

That's it. Below is a very short video showing examples of the Stink-Eye.