Annual Ugly Ornament Exchange

2008 Ugly Ornament Contenders

Each year, our family has an ugly ornament exchange - BEST tradition EVER! I never laugh as hard as I do at this thing. Plus, it's a contest, so the winner gets a pretty ornament (and a hideous tiara that must be worn).

There are rules to follow:

1. The ornament must be bought - not handmade, not used.
2. It must be marketed and intended as a tree ornament (as opposed to a lawn decoration, for example).
3. You have to put it on your tree every year!

The competition is RUTHLESS. Mine didn't even make the starting line this year. It ended up being cute. In the store, it looked like an egg in boots, a Santa hat, and a bird sitting on its head. Although we concluded that it is a melting snowball, it wasn't even in the same league as the other contenders. Seeing it in the store, you could appreciate that it is just, well, ridiculous. But it didn't make the cut.

The pictures CANNOT do justice to the ornaments. Each one must be examined to discover the subtleties of ugliness. One of the three little dogs, for example, has a Christmas tree strapped to the back of his head. The gold crest, well, who wants a deer head crest hanging on their tree? How is that Christmas? I couldn't get over the bird. The hat with the feathers, the long creepy bird legs, and then high heels? What up? There are 2 stockings because two people found them hideous enough to buy. One has a curly toe and the other toe is kinda unraveled. (They remind me of the feet of the Wicked Witch of the East after the ruby slippers are removed, and they curl up and disappear under Dorothy's house.) The lobster actually had a string (with a sun hat on the end) that pulled the claws up and down.

And the winner is...


The picture can't capture the hideousness. It's a deer head, antlers, and forelegs emerging from the front of the ball. Sarah (the recipient) said she was afraid to drive home alone with it. My sis-in-law Ally gave it. Here's the shot of her with her tiara and prize (it's a lovely glass reindeer, since it isn't too visible):


I received one of the ugly stockings. Here it is on my tree:


And here's a collage of all the ugly ornaments of the past that are hanging on my tree (the head fell off the angel; all the uglier):



Okay, okay, you may think to yourself, "I like that ornament!" or even, "I have that ornament!" Please don't be offended - my mom usually thinks half of them are adorable. We have learned a few lessons from past years, however. One is don't talk about what you are doing when you are in the store picking out ornaments. The other shoppers are picking the same ones out for the OPPOSITE reason, and we have (unintentionally) laughed them out of the aisle. Same goes for opening them in the restaurant where we exchange them, although you can see below that we have a hard time controlling ourselves there. You know, I don't know why we always pick a public place for the exchange; we get so rowdy!