1. "You have your hands full!" Usually said somewhere public, like the grocery store, when you are with your kids. Generally accompanied by a smarmy smile.
Response: "I am really blessed!" With a genuine smile. These people need teaching.
2. Any staring situation. Although this tends to come to me when I am in a public place with my kids, it can apply to anyone anywhere (my sister used it at the gym when some dude was staring):
Step 1 - Smile directly at them. The kind of smile you give when you see someone you recognize at church but don't want to talk to, not the kind that invites someone to come have a conversation. This works a lot b/c it lets the starer know that YOU know that they are staring.
Step 2 - For the persistent starers. Oh, they are out there. They are the passive-aggressive jerks who are pointedly trying to express their disgust at either your children or your parenting or both. So, after the smile, give them a, "Can I help you?" Businesslike, and a little annoyed, but still with the smile right there on your face.
Most people back off here. I've had an instance when I have been engaged at this point. It ended ugly.
3. This is for those situations when you are fielding criticism for anything you are doing/not doing/trying to do which having your young children makes difficult or trying or drawn out or whatever. Since that person obviously feels they can speak on your personal situation, ask them, "Well, what do you do with your small children when you [fill in activity here]?" Since this sort of situation is most often perpetuated by people without any small children at home, there ought to be a pause. This can be followed with you smiling and leaving it at that, or just walking away, or, to drive the point on home, you could say, "OHHH, that's right! You don't HAVE ANY." I haven't used this one yet, but I'm ready and waiting.
This response was inspired by my sister Liz who tends to take this sort of approach when people try to tell her how to run things in her life without knowing anything about her situation as well as by my friend's really horrible neighbor. My friend, having 3 small children, didn't bring the empty trash cans back up from the curb the day after the trash was picked up. Yes, a day late. And, so you know, I understand that this peeves many good people. Understandable. The point is that sometimes we need to cut folks a break; we don't know everyone's situations. ANYWAY, so she came home that next day, and some fine, upstanding citizen had dragged her trashcans all the way up her walk and set them right in front of her front door. I bet you thought I was going to say "all the way up her walk and set them by her garage" or something kind and thoughtful. Nope. Something high-school and snotty. And passive-aggressive. Coulda just knocked on the door and complained like my neighbors do. But no. This unknown person took the time to haul those cans all the way up to the house just to block the doorway. And my poor friend had to deal with that added inconvenience while trying to get her three little kids and all the gear that goes with them through that door. Argh!
I remember when I was young and my mom would have all seven of us at the grocery store. I remember hearing people say things like, "Don't you have a tv?" She was always an example of forbearance. If I were in the same situation, I'd like to say, "I'm so sorry! He must not be very good at it if you just want to watch tv! Well, good luck with that!"
Mom's of young children, UNITE! We don't have to take this scornful, pitying, critical abuse! So what if we are harried! So what if our kids are sometimes loud or disobedient or messy or slow! So what if we don't always put the cart back in the cart return (we would rather not leave our children alone in the car while we cross the parking lot, HELLO!) We are great people! We are choosing the better part! We shouldn't hang our heads over that! We should smile and let those folks know they are missing out! We are building eternity and they are SNIPING at it! And some of these people just need to learn to MIND THEIR MANNERS!
2 comments:
I like these suggestions! I have been there so often - mostly not my kids, but often reactions to "having a family". One day while checking out, this evil boy commented to his two girlfriends how the food I was buying better be a whole months food! How self centered is that! I AM there with my two kids so it is at least 4 mouths that I am feeding! Such arrogance!
My Mom ran a home daycare when I was little. One day she took us all to the grocery store, I know she was truly insane. She had six kids under six. Someone actually came up to her and asked, "Oh honey, haven't you ever heard of birth control?" To which my unsarcastic mother looked her straight in the eye with a humble smile and said, "Why yes, and this is only the first half!"
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