And it is moment to moment. I just keep telling myself, "The only thing you have to do to survive this minute is nothing." So, I keep doing nothing, and it is working for survival, but not much else.
I talk to Shrinky-dink on Monday to continue the adjusting of dosages. I'm looking forward to being totally on one medication and off any others. The process of changing is so sucky. Wean onto this, wean off of that... it feels as confusing as it sounds. I'm pretty sure I just took my PM meds this AM. Well, a few hours difference I can't worry about.
Hey, did you know there is a hymn for depressed persons? True! It's #120 in the LDS hymnbook, "Lean on my Ample Arm." The first line is, "Lean on my ample arm, O thou depressed!" Here's the whole verse:
Lean on my ample arm, O thou depressed!
And I will bid the storm Cease in thy breast.
Whate'er thy lot may be On life's complaining sea,
If thou wilt come to me, Thou shalt have rest.
If thou wilt come to me, Thou shalt have rest."
--Theodore E. Curtis
It is a constant prayer in my mind, these words. I know things sound bad over here, but they are actually do-able. I'm just getting really good at doing nothing ;) I mean as a coping mechanism rather than my usual just-laziness.
5 comments:
I understand the "do-nothings". That is a lot of how we get by too! It seem to flow in a pattern for me. One of us gets sick and instantly I am sick too (I GET EVERYTHING!), then I can't do anything because I haven't slept. So we sit around in a stale house all day watching TV and napping sporadically. Then we are well. I get onto my rocker - BAM! - someone is sick again! I was only on my rocker this time for about 2 days! SUCKS! Congratulations on the 3 pounds too!
Is it bad that when I read "Lean on my Ample Arm" I immediately thought of my own fat arm?
When will the weaning/ramping up be done?? What a sucky sucky process.
Oh Jen, I know how hard it is to transition between meds! My brother and grandmother are both manic depressive. I remember all of the crazy times they had to switch meds. I am praying for you. I know that doesn't help you get through those moments, but I hope it gets you through this time in your life. My brother's mantra is "This too shall pass."
Jen, hope you see an improvement this week, this time last year I felt the same way, just wandered round the house doing nothing and just lying on the couch all day, not fun, hope it passes soon. Luv ya!
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