So, here's how my thought processes run while depressed. I should say now that I'm not super-depressed. On a scale of SuperDepressed to Normal, I fall at about Not Depressed Enough to Hate Everything but Just Depressed Enough to Not Enjoy It. That means, I eagerly think up some activity, say, watching a movie. But by the time I get the DVD player going, I think, "Ugh, I don't want to watch this."
So, I don't actually DO much of anything. Today, I was going to do ONE thing: hang a curtain rod. Because I have my drill back from my brother-in-law. But I can't find the rod. This starts a swift downward spiral in my mood and thinking. I'm a failure; I can't even do this one little thing; my house is disgusting; I can't get it in order so why try... That sort of thing. So, I wrote about it in my journal, and as I was doing so, I had a thought. The thought was, "No, you CAN'T do everything, but you can do one room."
The one room I picked isn't even a room - it's a closet. The under-the-stairs closet that is so full of junk I can't see the floor. I currently have it emptied out. Everything is all over my bedroom. The next step is to weed out the stuff I no longer want. Unfortunately, I only have 1 trash bag left. So, I'm back at square one, "I can't even do this one little thing..." I've been singing "How Firm a Foundation," and it helps a little. But I'm still faced with a bedroom full of stuff that needs something done with it or to it or whatever. Gabe's sleeping, hence no trip to the store.
Claire's first dance class is today at 3:45. I may just drop her there and use the 45 minutes of class time to go get trash bags. Yes, I believe it will take the entire 45.
As for the stuff I'm keeping, it all has to go back into the closet. I'm designating it the Project Closet. Otherwise known as the Evidence of My Failure closet. Yes, because of all the unfinished projects. There are a lot of them. I have tons of excuses for it, but it boils down to me not being a finisher. You know, of projects, of college, of workouts, of sentences, of
3 comments:
Jen, I totally know how you're feeling. It's the worst when you're already down and you try to make something happen but then you're "handicapped" by the constraints of your child, i.e. napping, whining, just generally needing something. Somehow being a good attentive parent is easily overlooked when you have a massive closet of unfinished stuff for evidence... You got your daughter to her dance class and bought garbage bags... Much more important... It even says so in my book "Home Comforts: The Science and Art of Keeping House"!!!
Ick... I don't like the name "Failure closet"
Can it be the: "I love to try new things" closet?
or the "pending projects" closet.
Don't be so hard on yourself!
I wish you could come over and see how trashed my entire house is. Poor Lorin and Brynn are still living out of boxes and all their stuff is all over the place. Spilling out into the hallway. I use projects to avoid things I don't want to do like unpacking or cleaning. You would feel much better about yourself if you could see my mess.
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