I think I'm a good mom

And I think we should say that to ourselves more often. I was just looking over my blog, and I realized that, since the focus of the blog is my personal struggles with bipolar disorder as well as that is the main focus of all of my introspection, I start to feel like that's what my kids see and what I give them. Of course it affects every aspect of my life, but I'm not being a broken, underwearless, emotionally undecided person as a parent (okay, underwearless, but they don't know). They are fed mostly balanced meals. We snuggle and read and play and sing. They are disciplined in a non-violent, consistent manner. They have clothes and structure and we go to church every week and have FHE and daily scriptures and prayers. "See?" I say to myself, "That there is a good, functioning, present mother."

Since my blog, like "Everybody Loves Raymond," is not about my kids, I wonder sometimes what I put out there about them. Not to those of you who know them and me well. My manner of joking about my kids sounds very derogatory to many people, I think. What I don't normally say is that I like their big heads and interest in "nerdy" stuff like science and self-confidence that often manifests as princessly dictation. And I think they are really beautiful kids. I really admire them.

Also, I enjoy being a mother. I know I complain about the hard and frustrating parts and never report the pleasant rewarding stuff. Or when the hard and frustrating parts don't upset me. And sometimes I just like to whine a little. Whatev. I have always wanted to be a mom, and I am really happy about being one. I just don't blog about that stuff.

Anyway, all this is just a personal realization that perhaps my one-sided internal dialog doesn't credit me-the-whole-person. As I learned in "Change Your Brain, Change your Life," thoughts aren't truth. They can lie. And I lie to myself a lot it seems. And since I think I'm not the only one, I'm putting it out there. We don't choose our weaknesses or our temptations. I'm not the only one, surely, who feels my own struggles to be all-encompassing and shameful. That's the nature, I think, of struggles. They are never on the back-burner (at least for me). But they aren't the definition of who I am. I'm not a "mother with bipolar disorder" and a "wife with bipolar disorder." I'm a mother and a wife.

So, I want to thank all y'all. First off, for reading this kinda stuffy, rambling, preachy post. But really for embracing my blog and accepting me for who I am. If not for our own little blog circle, I would never have reached out (or touched you, Leslie!), and I feel myself being improved by it and encouraged and really loved. I've really never had so many close friends all at once! I've always limited them to one or two at a time b/c I never feel like anyone is willing to take on the crap that comes with me. Well, y'all have been reading all the crap and y'all haven't run screaming to the authorities, so thanks thanks thanks!