"Neither snow nor rain nor heat of day nor gloom of night..."

"...shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."

Parked car, however, poses an insurmountable obstacle for the United States Postal Service worker on my route.

My mailman and I are at odds. And since this isn't the first (or second) mailman I've had the same problem with, I am placing the blame on the entire USPS.

It all began when I picked up my mail on January 22. There was a little note scribbled in ballpoint pen (yes, it was ballpoint, don't argue with me) on my mail that said, "Please don't park in front of the mailbox. 1/22."

So, a couple of days later, I approached my mailman when he was coming to deliver my mail. I said, "Hi, I got your note. We don't park in front of our mailbox very much; it is other people parked there, so I can't really do anything about it."

Mailman: "Who is it?"

Me: Seriously? "I don't know. It is a public street. Sometimes it is our guests, and sometimes it is some car I don't know. The thing is, I can't control who parks on the street."

Mailman: "You know we have a choice to not deliver the mail if the box is blocked."

Me: deep breath. "I understand that, but I still can't stop people from parking here."

Mailman drove off as fast as his little white boxcar can go from my mailbox to the next one down. Lookin' like a fool.

The last time this was a big issue, the mailman actually stopped delivering the mail, and I had to call the post office to get it restarted. You heard me. The postmaster and I had some words, so I guess that dude had to keep delivering. I've had another one (the lady) tell me that I shouldn't block the box, but she didn't do anything else about it.

Here's my house:That little white pot-stirrer is the mailbox, right in front. If you take a look at the very left edge of the picture, you can see a fire hydrant. So, no parking there. I'm standing in my across-the-street neighbor's driveway (actually, almost their garage). The stretch of curb you see on the right on this side of the street is usually parked on by the neighbor (not the one whose driveway I'm on, the one next to them). That neighbor has 3 cars, nevermind that they are a two-person household, and one is usually right there on the street. Here's the kicker: the stretch of curb that is to the right of my mailbox looks so inviting, but the aforementioned neighbors who park on the curb have knocked on my door no less than 4 times asking us not to park there b/c his wife can't back out of the driveway. Yeah, their driveway is directly across from that prime property. So, that leaves right in front of the mailbox. Or, just to the left of the mailbox, but your bumper stops the mail truck from pulling up alongside the box, so it's blocked anyway. All my options cause a ruckus somewhere or another.

So, I have spent a portion of my afternoon on the internet and the phone researching the USPS policies and standards. Actually, I first spent a portion of the afternoon squawking about retribution and vindictive schemes against the mailman and the neighbors. THEN I got on the phone. I found out that:

• I cannot change from a curbside box to a porch-mounted box. Or any other box, for that matter. Types of routes (walk-ups, curbside, whatever) are determined by territory by the USPS and are, apparently, non-negotiable.
• I can move my curbside box anywhere I want on the front of my property as long as he can access it from the truck. Um, this doesn't include sticking it on my driveway. I thought about it, though. I could check the mail every time I pulled in or out. All he'd have to do is pull into the driveway, stuff the box, and pull back out. The USPS has no sense of humor, though, so I didn't ask. Anyway, from one property line to the other, I'm free to post my mailbox. I'm not stuck to the end of the concrete runway from my front door to the street.

So, I am now on the phone waiting for the homeowner's association so I can find out if I'm allowed to move my mailbox, what ridiculous forms I'll have to fill out. Once I know that, I'm going to have to knock on my neighbor's door and see how upset they are going to be that we are moving our mailbox to our property line on their side. Whatev. Let the mail wars begin.